


Muse

by remuslives23



Series: Muse Verse [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, M/M, old fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-03-08 11:08:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 55,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3206957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remuslives23/pseuds/remuslives23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus is a struggling artist who loses his confidence after a car accident. He goes back to basics to try and rediscover his talent and meets a man who inspires him both professionally and personally.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Prologue

'Can I look yet?'

'Not yet.'

There was silence in the high ceilinged room, the sound of birds outside breaking the quiet.

'I'm getting a cramp in my leg.'

'Don't move. You're perfect the way you are.'

A soft giggle then a sigh.

'I'm nearly done. Be patient. It'll be worth the wait.'

The woman struggled to stay still in the pose he'd angled her body into three hours earlier. Remus glanced up from the canvas and, with a practiced eye, gauged the true level of her discomfort. He could see the woman's muscles were tightening under her pale skin, but they were not straining yet. She could stand to hold the pose for a little longer, he decided; certainly long enough for him to finish the commissioned painting.

Remus exhaled sharply, angling the expended air so it lifted his light brown fringe off his forehead. As he leaned forward and put his paintbrush to the canvas once more, the hair fell over his eyes again. He didn't shift it out of the way; he'd become accustomed to peering through the strands so he ignored it and swiftly but painstakingly finished off the hi-lights in the subject's hair.

Ten minutes later there was a plaintive…

'Mr Lupin…'

'It's Remus, and I'm done,' he said, straightening on his stool. 'You can stretch out now.'

She had uncurled before permission to move had fallen from his lips, stretching with an exaggerated sigh of relief. Remus smiled at her dramatics and stood up, working out the stiffness in his own limbs more sedately. Standing with an easy gracefulness that gave away her past as a dancer, the naked, middle aged woman with the still-fabulous body closed the distance between her and Remus, halting beside the young, lanky man to look at the completed painting.

'Oh my goodness,' she murmured, raising a slim hand to her mouth.

'You are a wonderful subject, Mrs Harper,' Remus said softly, shifting a little to allow her some space to take in the painting.

'I…I look…'

'Beautiful,' he finished, realising she was on the verge of tears. 'Of course. I only paint beautiful things.'

Remus smiled as he watched her face light up then crumple as emotion overwhelmed her. He did many of these nude portraits for older society women who wanted - no, _needed_ \- to feel attractive again after their grown up children had left home, or their less mature husbands left them for the young, nubile secretary. More times than not, after seeing the image on the canvas, the woman ended up either sobbing on his shoulder for her lost years, or hitting on him.

Sonia Harper turned to him, burying her face in his chest. He put his arm comfortingly around her still bare shoulders then started a little when he felt her hand slide down his back to cup his arse.

And sometimes they did both.

Remus gently patted her shoulder and pulled out of her embrace. 'I can recommend a wonderful framer for you…' he said, trying to distract her.

'Remus…'

'Mrs Harper…Sonia…' He sighed, hating this more and more every time it happened. Didn't these women do any research about his life before they hired him? 'It's not that I don't think you are a beautiful woman - I do - and if you were a man, I'd be definitely interested…'

Her no doubt surgically enhanced lips parted in surprise. 'You're gay?'

'Very,' he confirmed and her face fell.

'Oh.'

She glanced over at the easel again and Remus reached for her gown, handing it to her. She took it but didn't put it on and Remus busied himself cleaning his brushes, hoping for a quick getaway.

'How…how can you paint women like that if you don't want them?' Sonia said quietly and he stopped, looking up at her. 'There is such…passion and you've captured…'

'Your heart,' Remus said, smiling at her. 'It's a depiction of your physical appearance which is certainly lovely, but it's your heart that shines through here, Sonia. Perhaps it's because I'm not distracted by your curves that I can see you this way, whereas a straight man might only see the outward beauty.'

A smile slowly spread across her visage and she slipped the green silk dressing gown over her shoulders with a practiced and decidedly seductive shrug.

'Would you like a drink, Remus?'

Remus caught the calculating look in her eye before she fluttered her lashes coquettishly at him - despite being far too old to get away with such flirty behaviour. He knew she was going to be one of the ones who would try to turn him, to change him, and he now just wanted to get the hell out of Dodge.

'No. No, thank you,' he said politely. 'I…have an appointment shortly. I'll pack up while you dress and then if I could collect my payment, I'll let you get on with your day.'

The disappointment and the flash of anger in her brown eyes made him look away, trying to seem nonchalant while he packed up his brushes. It irritated him that the women he painted seemed to think that his sexual preference was a choice, something he could turn on and off like a tap. They took the news of his homosexuality as a challenge rather than being put off by the fact he simply didn't find them attractive.

His belongings were packed away fast into his bag and he found a slightly disgruntled Sonia Harper in the entry hall of the stately home she had won in her recent divorce settlement. She tore a cheque from the book in her hands and waved it teasingly just out of his reach.

'Are you sure you don't want a drink?' she cajoled.

Remus smiled, but spoke firmly. 'No, thank you. I really must get going.'

Sonia sighed in disappointment, but handed him the cheque, Remus surreptitiously checking the figures before folding it and putting it carefully in his pocket. That one cheque would provide a roof over his head and food in his stomach for another two months.

'Totally worth getting hit on,' he told himself as he accepted her inappropriate kiss goodbye and walked down the front steps.

He slung his bag on the backseat of his car and quickly got in. He pulled away from the house (house? Bloody mansion) with tyres screeching slightly and breathed a sigh of relief. There was no other appointment - he was heading back to his apartment, which was approximately the size of Sonia Harper's bathroom.

His painting kept him up to date with his bills and commissions were picking up now, but Remus' life was far from comfortable. He lived from pay check to pay check, subsidising his art commissions with jobs in cafés or restaurants. It meant less time for his painting and sketching, but it kept the bills paid, his belly reasonably full and his car fuelled, although it really needed replacing...

As if on cue, his little blue car made a spluttering noise, but thankfully kept going.

'Come on, baby,' Remus muttered, patting the steering wheel. 'Just keep going until we get our big break. Then you can put up your wheels and retire.'

There had been talk in the art community of him putting together a showing for a big London gallery and Remus had been trying desperately not to get his hopes up until the contracts were signed. For a twenty-five year old, having his own exhibit alongside established, working artists would be a marvellous achievement and bring him a lot of recognition, but luck had played no part in his success. He'd worked long and hard since he was fourteen years old to get here, with a lot of disappointments along the way. He had learnt many years ago not to count his chickens before they were hatched, but still…

_Please, please let this be it._

Remus was close to his dingy flat now and slowed down for a red light. It turned green before he stopped completely and he pressed his foot back down on the accelerator, the car jerking forward. He was halfway across the intersection when he heard the high pitched squeal of a car braking hard. Remus turned his head in time to see a red sedan skidding towards him too fast and he had a second of realisation before the screeching, grating sound of metal slamming into metal filled his ears. Pain shot like lightning through his body and Remus screamed in agony before everything, mercifully, went black.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter One

** Four months later **

'Fuck!'

The loud curse echoed around the room as Remus grabbed the canvas and threw it at the white wall of his studio. The wet paint smeared across the stark surface; red, yellow and green streaking down the stark white to the floor where the abused painting now lay. Remus glared at the disorder in his orderly space then spun around and knocked the fruit bowl he'd been attempting to paint across the room, watching the colourful pottery basin shatter into tiny pieces as the red and green apples rolled across the floor. He didn't get as much satisfaction out of destroying the inanimate objects as he hoped he would, instead the volcanic anger that had boiled over had now cooled, and had been replaced with a feeling of acute hopelessness.

Rubbing a paint-stained hand across his face, Remus groaned loudly then sat back down heavily. He slumped forward on his stool, elbows on his knees as he ran his hands through his hair, trying to ease the thumping in his head which had been freshly aggravated by his temper tantrum. The headaches, a remnant of the car accident he'd been involved in four months earlier, were reducing in frequency now, but they'd lost nothing in intensity. Clenching his eyes shut, his fingers moved to massage his temples as he took several deep, hopefully cleansing, breaths.

He'd been injured badly in the collision: broken limbs, concussion, and many, many cuts from where glass and torn metal had sliced into his flesh. The broken leg and collar bone had healed in the requisite couple of months; the only reminder was an occasional twinge in bad weather. The after effects of the head injury had taken longer to dissipate, the headaches an irregular annoyance that the doctors assured him would eventually cease. But it had been the scarring left by the deep gashes that had effected Remus the most.

He had never considered himself a particularly vain person: he kept himself neat and tidy and, while he knew that he wasn't going to win any beauty pageants, Remus had been attractive…

Before.

His finger traced the long scar that now adorned the side of his face. Glass from his broken windscreen had carved open his cheek from his temple to only a centimetre from the corner of his mouth. It was some kind of irony surely, that the curve was perfect, following the contour of his face and slicing his cheek almost exactly in half; he couldn't have painted it on more symmetrically himself. But he failed to see the beauty in it, nor could he find it in any of the other numerous scars that were littered across his too-frail body.

Dragging a hand absently over his cloth-covered chest, Remus sighed and stood up, picking up the bottle of paint thinner then making his way over to the splattered colours. For a moment he admired the effect of the paint on the plain white background then soaked a cloth in the solvent before swiping it over the stain.

He finished cleaning up the evidence of his loss of control and washed his hands before moving into his cramped kitchen to make himself a sandwich. The bread was stale and, as he scraped the last of the strawberry jam out of the jar, he felt a jolt of panic. Just after the accident, he'd been offered space in a showcase at a large gallery for his artwork. He'd be displaying his pieces alongside recognised artists and he would be getting much-needed publicity for his work which would lead to sales and more commissions.

And therefore, more money.

Sorely needed money.

There was a problem though - the same problem that had led to him tossing yet another canvas at the wall earlier.

He couldn't paint.

Couldn't paint, couldn't sketch, couldn't draw a bloody straight line with a ruler.

After the accident, he hadn't been able to pick up a pencil for weeks then, when he could, he didn't have the mobility to sketch anything. Once the cast had come off his arm, his wrist had been weak and still required some physiotherapy to get back his strength. By the time he could physically paint or sketch again, he hadn't drawn anything in months and when he tried, he just… couldn't. It was as if all his talent had bled out of him along with the many units of blood he'd lost that day. His sketches looked stiff and graceless, his paintings muddy and formless.

He'd lost his inspiration.

He'd lost his muse.

And he was terrified of what that meant for the rest of his life.

Throwing the empty jam jar into the bin, he folded the bread in half and shoved it into his mouth as he sat down at the tiny kitchen table. Jam dripped out of the tunnel the bread had formed and onto the newspaper in front of him. Remus swore - he hadn't read it yet - and used his finger to wipe the gelatinous blobs off the community notice section. He popped his sticky finger in his mouth, sucking off the jam when the now-stained notice caught his eye.

_**Sign up for classes at your Community Centre** _

_Something for everyone!_ _Places still available in:_

_Pottery_

_Model plane building_

_Sketching_

_Foreign language (please call for details)_

_Salsa dancing_

_Call 01-8441-93022 to enrol._

His hand fell away from his mouth and he reread the advertisement. Maybe that's what he should do - go back to basics, start all over again. Frowning, he chewed at his lip. He was supposed to having his own showing at a distinguished London gallery with other established, prestigious artists…and he was going to go to a beginners class? He'd be a laughing stock in the industry if anyone found out. His shoulders slumped as he thought of the two portraits and one lone landscape he had completed in his studio/spare bedroom.

_You'll be a laughing stock if you turn up with almost nothing, Lupin._

He heaved a loud sigh and reached for his telephone, which by some miracle hadn't yet been cut off, before he could change his mind.

'I don't have much fucking choice, do I?'

_**The next evening** _

'And… Remus, is it? Take a seat anywhere you like. Welcome. Welcome everyone. Today we will be trying to paint something simple…some fruit. Get the feel of the medium…'

Remus tried not to snort. The airy-fairy, hippie-type woman continued to babble on about losing yourself and getting to know your inner artist, which she made sound vaguely dirty, reminding Remus of how long it had been since he'd gotten to know anyone other than himself.

_And it doesn't look as though that's about to change._

He glanced around indolently, already regretting his decision to enrol in the community art class. The other students were mostly older, retired couples who looked inexplicably excited about the opportunity to spend the next three hours sketching fruit. There was a lone single woman, although Remus doubted she'd be back for the next class…she looked as bored as Remus felt.

He stifled a sigh and tried to focus as the short woman with the long, wildly curly red hair and love beads piled around her neck, placed two apples - one red, one green - on the pedestal in front of them then added a banana. Remus clenched his fists in an effort to stop himself going up there and rearranging the food: she had the apples turned all wrong and the banana was angled awkwardly…

_Just bloody well draw the damn things, Lupin._

Three hours later, he had screwed up pieces of paper all around him and was tearing the twelfth sheet from his pad, wadding it up in frustration. The teacher, Serendipity was moving towards him with an admonishing expression on her usually tranquil face.

'Now, Remus. That was lovely…'

'It was terrible,' he said bluntly and she shook her head.

No, it was probably the best in the room,' she argued and Remus only just managed to stop himself from telling her that he didn't doubt that, but compared to what he knew he could do…

'It was disgraceful. I can do better,' he insisted.

Serendipity frowned - it seemed he tested her eternally cheerful façade - but clapped her hands together and spoke enthusiastically to the rest of the class.

'Ok! That's it for tonight. Practice all you like at home and we'll move on to flowers next time.'

Remus did groan aloud this time and Serendipity shot him a dirty look before she went to farewell the older, more pleasant members of her class, leaving Remus feeling decidedly ashamed of himself.

_It's not her fault your sketch looked as though a blind monkey with a tremor had done it._

It served him right for being so damn arrogant at the beginning of the class - his sketches had been awful. The perspective was all wrong, the balance, the shading…and he couldn't keep blaming the arrangement of the fruit. He should have been able to _make_ it look good, damn it. Last year he had done a portrait for a seventy-nine year old divorcee and made her look twenty years younger. If he could perform that miracle, he should be able to do a couple of apples and a banana justice. A terrifying thought hit him like a sledge hammer and stopped him in his tracks.

_What if I've lost it for good? What if I can never paint or sketch again?_

Art was all he'd ever known, all he'd ever wanted to do. From the moment he could wrap his chubby, little hand around a crayon, he'd rarely been without some kind of artistic implement. His art was his heart and soul and he was incomplete without the ability to capture beauty. It was everything he'd ever wanted. His chest tightened and breathing became almost impossible as all the questions he'd been repressing finally forced their way to the fore.

_What if I can't get it back? What do I do if I can't do this?_

Sirius yawned then yelped as a newspaper hit him in the raven-topped head.

'Hey!'

'You are _not_ going to spend your entire existence lounging on my couch, Sirius Black,' James warned, grabbing the coffee pot and pouring himself a cup. 'There are jobs in that paper. Find something to do with the rest of your life.'

'I don't need to find anything to do, Potter,' Sirius retorted, sticking up his middle finger at his friend. 'I'm a wealthy man, I don't need to work…'

'You _need_ to get your arse off my couch,' James said determinedly, opening a drawer and pulling out a sharp knife. 'I'm starting my new job with the football team soon, mate. I'm not going to be here to entertain you anymore and a bored Sirius Black is a bad, bad thing for James Potter.'

Sirius snorted in laughter and grinned up at his bespectacled best friend. 'Does this have anything to do with your desire to get a certain redhead on her back on this couch?' He patted the cushion next to him and smirked when James flushed guiltily, his face as red as the tomatoes he snatched out of the fridge.

'Shut up,' he snapped, straightening his glasses. 'The fact that Lily is moving in soon has nothing to do with you getting off your backside and earning an honest living.'

Sirius laughed again and pushed himself up. 'Sure, mate,' he murmured, flicking absently through the newspaper. 'You keep telling yourself you don't wear the panties in your relationship.' He clicked his tongue and flipped the paper shut, rocking back on his chair. 'There's nothing in here.'

James shook his head incredulously. 'You've barely opened it,' he objected and Sirius waved his hand dismissively.

'I can tell there's nothing to suit someone of my intelligence and good looks,' Sirius said, smoothing his hair back then wincing when James slapped him across the upper arm.

'Prat,' he laughed before his amusement faded and his face became serious. 'You know, you can't just keep flitting through life, Sirius. You have to find some direction…'

'Buggering fuck, James!' Sirius exclaimed loudly, slamming his chair back down onto all four legs. 'Does Lily keep your balls in her handbag next to her lipstick? Or has she finally managed to shove that stick up your arse and turn you into her puppet because you sounded exactly like her just then?'

'Sod off you great ponce,' James said sharply. 'I'm just trying to help you get a life - and so is Lily.'

'I'm happy with my life just the way it is, thank you very much,' Sirius told him. 'I lounge on your couch all day, and I shag all night. It's simple, and it's…'

'…shallow,' James finished quietly. 'Simple and shallow - just like you pretend to be.'

Sirius scowled. 'Suck my dick.'

With a snort, James refused the offer. 'Not after I saw you shoving it up that fucking hippy's arse a few months back,' he said, wrinkling his nose at the memory and dislodging his glasses in the process. 'I actually wished I was _completely_ blind that day.'

'You're just jealous that I get to shag my way through half of the British population while you are stuck looking at the same pussy for the rest of your life,' Sirius declared, but James chose to ignore his comment, instead tilting his head and speaking softly.

'You have to grow up and settle down sometime, Sirius.'

'The hell I do,' Sirius huffed defiantly, crossing his arms over his chest. 'I'm allergic to commitment - makes me break out in hives.'

James snorted his reluctant amusement. They were silent for a moment as James turned to pop a couple of slices of bread into the toaster and slice up a tomato. Sirius gazed lethargically over the headlines of the discarded newspaper, looking up when his bespectacled friend chuckled: low and deep and slightly wicked. James turned from his meal preparation to smirk cheekily at Sirius, whose expression changed from curious to wary at the sight of the mischievous grin.

'I've got the _perfect_ job for you,' James declared with the air of one who'd cracked the code to the safe holding the crown jewels.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. 'Really?'

James nodded and his smile widened as he said one word: 'Modelling.'

Sirius blinked in surprise then beamed. 'Now you're talking…'

' _Nude_ modelling.'

'Sounds fan… Hang on!' Sirius said when he realised what James had said. 'What now?'

James chuckled and grabbed a handtowel, wiping his hands as he sat down in an armchair.

'Some woman from the community centre approached me on the street yesterday and asked if I would be interested in posing nude for her class in a couple of weeks,' he explained. 'Said I had a _'sensual aura'_ \- I think that means I'm fit and she wants to perve at me.'

Sirius laughed and threw the newspaper at James' head. 'Well, she's going to love me then,' he taunted good-naturedly. 'I'm twice the man that you are.'

James narrowed his eyes. 'You know, I always thought you never had a steady bloke because you wheeze when anyone says 'commitment', but it's actually because you love yourself too much to need anyone else, isn't it?'

'Arsehole.'

James stuck out his tongue then stood again and went back to his chopping. There was a moment of quiet except for the snick of James' knife then:

'I'll do it.'

James swore as he nearly sliced his finger off then frowned at Sirius. 'What?'

'I'll do it,' Sirius repeated and James' lips curled up in a sceptical smile.

'You won't…' he said and Sirius glared at him.

'I _will_ ,' he insisted. 'I'm no prude. I've got a very nice body, thank you very much, and those art students would be lucky to have such a fine specimen…'

'It's probably all old people, Sirius,' James broke in, figuring out the reason for Sirius' sudden enthusiasm. 'I doubt you'll be able to pick up.'

'Oh.'

Sirius looked deflated for a second and James sniggered until Sirius' disappointed expression turned thoughtful and he spoke again with a shrug.

'I'll still do it.'

James shook his head and went back to his tomatoes. 'Twenty quid says you run screaming like a girl from the first class with your hands over your family jewels,' he challenged and Sirius smiled brilliantly.

'You're on, mate.'

TBC…


	3. Chapter 3

** Chapter Two **

**_Four weeks later_ **

'Damn it.'

Remus had murmured the words under his breath as he climbed the stairs onto the bus, but the old lady behind him still glared as if he'd screamed obscenities at the top of his lungs. Remus smiled grimly in apology and glanced at his watch again as he sat down. He'd done some overtime at work and missed his usual bus, catching the next scheduled one instead. It meant that he was going to be late for his Friday evening art class though.

He was spending his days working at the latest in a long line of menial positions - serving coffee in a large chain store - and his evenings trying desperately to recapture his old skills. He slept irregularly and fitfully, constantly counting down the days until his showing (six months remaining) and debating whether to cancel now or take the chance that his talent would return and he could get some canvasses done in time.

_Maybe no matter how hard I try, I'm never going to get my talent back._

In his art class, Serendipity had taken them from painting fruit of all varieties to different types of flowers to a startling array of inanimate objects before she bought her sleeping puppy in for them to sketch last week. It was the first time Remus had tried a live subject since his accident and he was angry that he'd failed miserably to adequately capture the tiny Labrador on the page. He still wasn't sketching anywhere near well enough to think about creating some art for his showing, and his paintings would be laughed at if he hung them alongside the talent that would be sharing the opening with him.

He buried himself in the corner during the thrice-weekly classes, needing space as he tried to work. By the end of each three hour lesson, he'd surrounded himself with growing mounds of balled up paper and his mood made him unfit to be in the company of others. His first instinct after his repeated failures had been to quit the class, but his generally tenacious nature made him stick with it. The other students had made attempts to speak to him at first, complimenting him on his work, but soon gave up trying to be friendly when he answered them in monosyllables or snapped at them sharply. Serendipity had given up on trying to encourage him, the woman sensing he was battling with something deep inside himself and leaving him to his own devices. Remus was ashamed of his tetchiness, but there was nothing - _nothing_ \- more important to him than relearning how to be the artist he used to be.

The bus jerked to a halt and Remus snapped out of his reverie, realising this was his stop. He snatched up his backpack and hurried off the bus, picking up his pace as he checked his watch again and realised he had missed the beginning of the class. With another three blocks to go before he reached his destination, he started to jog, weaving through the evening pedestrian traffic, his bag banging against his hip.

Sirius looked around, more nervous than he liked to admit. He was usually a confident person - over-confident if you listened to James' red-headed keeper - but this was an unfamiliar and confronting situation that had enormous potential for humiliation.

_What if I'm bloody useless? Fuck! What if there's a hot bloke there and I get turned on?_

A hard on was something he didn't need while he was standing naked in front of ten strangers. Sirius worried his lip. He couldn't back out now; James would never let him live it down. Sirius swore under his breath then, pulling the robe the hippy woman had handed to him earlier after ordering him to strip tightly around him, he peeked through the curtains and watched as Serendipity clapped her hands to get the class' attention.  
As she explained that she had a surprise for them tonight, Sirius glanced around at the students. All older couples by the looks of it, and he smirked in relief.

_No chance of getting a boner from any of them._

Serendipity turned towards the curtain and, seeing him peering through the drapes, waved him over. He smiled at the group as he walked out then, at the woman's urging, slipped off his robe. A few of the women giggled and one grey-haired woman winked lewdly at him. More at ease now, he chuckled then paid attention as a pink-faced Serendipity suggested an appropriate pose.

Remus tried to walk as quietly and unobtrusively as possible into the room, sitting in his usual corner and quickly setting up his easel and sketch pad. He glanced at the centre of the room where usually a small podium with a bowl of fruit or vegetables or a vase of flowers sat, but instead of the usual unappealing objects, there was one very appealing, very _naked_ male.

Remus blinked a couple of times, wondering if he'd died and this was heaven. The man had his back to him, but Remus approved of what he saw - an immediate jolt of arousal making his breath hitch.

_Christ! Has it really been so long that a bare, well-formed back gets me going?_

Remus shook his head, sucking in a long, calming breath then picked up his pencil. He found it difficult to concentrate, though, instead staring at the dark-haired model's arms as they tensed from holding the pose. Remus watched the play of muscles under the lightly tanned skin, the movement mesmerising him until his focus was broken by a little giggle from his right. Turning his head, he saw one of the older women - Glenda, he thought - grinning knowingly at him. He realised his appreciation of the brunette had been all too obvious and flushed, turning back to his sketch pad as Serendipity called out, 'Switch'.

There was a rustle of paper as the students turned to a fresh page and the dark-haired man moved. He stretched languidly, bouncing a little on his heels. Remus' mouth fell open as the muscles in the back of his legs and buttocks flexed and strained before relaxing again. The model turned, taking Serendipity's advice on his positioning - which did nothing to flatter what Remus could now see was a bloody amazing body. His skin prickled with a sudden acute sense of awareness as his eyes ran over that ivory skin; his gaze not an artist's objective appraisal, but the hungry leer of a very turned on male. Remus imagined how he'd pose the young man if given the opportunity, feeling heat rising to his cheeks as he thought about the various positions he'd very much like to see the brunette in.

The model flipped his hair out of his eyes and, with the little movement, caught sight of Remus for the first time. His eyes widened a little then the corner of his mouth turned up. Remus looked away, busying himself with his sketch pad and trying not to notice the tremor in his hands. This man, this… Adonis …was shaking him up.

_It really has been a long time._

Serendipity cleared her throat pointedly behind him and Remus looked reluctantly back at the man. He'd turned his head now - his profile in Remus' line of sight. Putting pencil to paper, he let his hand move as he stared at Adonis, this time, his artistic eye doing the evaluating rather than his libido.

The man really was beautifully formed. His proportions were lovely, his muscle definition was strong, but not overly built up, and his limbs were long. His smooth-looking hands were long-fingered and elegant, and there was not a strand of ebony hair out of place. His profile was almost regal with a classic straight nose, full but not too plump, blush-pink lips and long, thick eyelashes. Remus couldn't see his eyes properly now and hoped he'd move to face his way next so he could catch another glimpse.

Remus checked his drawing, surprised that the lines looked a little better today. His hopes rose and he continued to work for a few minutes before letting out a grunt of exasperation and flipping the half-done sketch over. The hands had stumped him and he was furious that he'd let himself start to think he might be getting his mojo back.

_Obviously I'm as fucked up as ever._

Remus ran a finger over the scar on his face, a motion that had become habit, and grimaced. Here in front of him was the very image of perfection and he couldn't capture it. That bloody accident had robbed him on his very life force - what the hell was he going to do without his art? He felt like half a person.

As Serendipity called 'Switch' again, he scrubbed a hand over his eyes, trying to fight back despairing tears. Several clients had offered their portraits for his showing and he had accepted a few of the better ones, but he needed more. He'd already called the gallery manager to cut back on the space they'd allocated him, knowing he'd only have time to do a few new paintings. Remus had hoped to sneak in a few sketches to take up space, but even that wasn't looking too promising right now. He sighed heavily then looked up as Serendipity finished posing Adonis.

_Good God in heaven! What did I do to deserve this?_

The man was facing him, legs stretched out in front of him as he reclined on a stool. There was not one single inch of the front of his body left unexposed and Remus' own body reacted urgently to the improved scenery. He swallowed hard, trying desperately not to let his eyes fall below the man's waist and failing entirely. What he saw laying at the juncture of the model's thighs was enough to make Remus' pants uncomfortably tight and when he glanced up at the brunette's face, he could see the amusement and appraisal in the other man's eyes.

_His eyes..._

Remus' jaw dropped slightly in surprise. He'd imagined earlier, after a fleeting glance, that those eyes were perhaps light blue or even a light hazel, but they weren't. They were grey; an unusual silvery-grey that drew Remus' attention like a magnet. For a moment, Remus simply stared, blatantly and unashamedly. He'd never seen eyes quite that hue before and suddenly, his arousal lost its edge and his hand moved automatically to his pad. A familiar thrill of excitement twisted inside him as he dragged the pencil swiftly but with precision across the paper. He leaned over the pad, his fringe falling into his eyes but he didn't stop to push it away. He hadn't felt this kind of exhilaration in many months and he didn't want to examine it too closely or distract himself - he was just going to let the sudden urge take him over and see where it led.

Sirius watched the brown-haired man as he leaned over his easel. Something about the young man had piqued his interest. It could have been his sudden appearance had startled him, it could be that he was the only person (besides the odd teacher) close to his own age…

_Or it could be that he's a pretty good looking bloke - even with that scar._

Sirius had seen the way those blue eyes had darkened as they travelled over his body and knew that if he approached the man, there would be no need to hedge around the subject of sexuality - no straight man would look at a naked bloke as thoroughly as he had.

_He is an artist. I could be reading his interest wrong…_

The man glanced up at him again and Sirius struggled to stop himself smiling at him, instead holding his neutral expression and, frankly, ridiculous pose. The scarred man didn't seem to be looking at his pose though; his eyes focused on Sirius' but their gazes weren't linked, the young man seeming to look past his stare. He turned back to his paper with a slight frown, nose nearly touching the pad as his hand danced the pencil quickly over the surface. There was an intensity, a frenetic energy to the man's actions that made it almost impossible for Sirius to tear his eyes away.

Several minutes later, a loud clap made Sirius jump and tear his eyes away from the artist.

'Alright,' chirped Serendipity. 'Let's take a break. Mr Black…'

'Sirius,' he corrected as he beamed at her and he was amused to see her blush.

'…Sirius…' Serendipity murmured, squirming slightly. 'There is tea or coffee…'

'Thanks, but I'm fine,' he said, ignoring her disappointed expression as he stood and stretched.

Who would have thought lounging around posing would be such a strain on his muscles? This modelling lark was a bit harder than he thought it would be. He looked towards the brown-haired man who had risen and was now frowning at his pad. Sirius' eyes ran over his long, rangy frame appreciatively.

_There are compensations to the aches and pains, I suppose._

He tugged on a robe and moved towards the young artist who saw him coming and looked as trapped as a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck.

'Hi,' Sirius said, turning on the inherent Black charm. 'I didn't see you when I came in. I'm Sirius Black.' He held out his hand and smiled when he saw colour rise in the man's cheeks. 'And you are…?'

The other man hesitated then said, 'Remus Lupin.'

The name was uttered almost reluctantly and the hand came out slowly to grip Sirius'. The artist's fingers were long and graceful as they wrapped around the brunette's hand, but his grip was firm and Sirius found himself wondering how it would feel stroking over his body. His swallowed, trying to wet his suddenly dry throat, and inclined his head towards the easel.

'Can I see what you've done?' he asked and the other man's face blanched a little before he glanced over at his pad nervously.

'Um, it's not very good…' he stammered, but Sirius just chuckled.

'I can't draw a stick figure, mate,' he said brightly. 'It'll look as though Picasso did it to me.'

Without waiting for an invitation, he shifted so he could see the paper then froze. The page was full of drawings of…eyes. Not faces, just eyes and Sirius frowned in confusion.

'You only drew my eyes?' he asked, looking over at Remus with a befuddled expression.

'I…didn't…er…'

Seeming to give up on getting out a coherent sentence, Remus shook his head and his hand shot out towards the easel, but Sirius was quicker, grasping his hand to stop him from closing the pad.

'No, let me look…'

'It's not good.'

'It's very good.'

Remus frowned. 'You just said you wouldn't know good art from a hole in the head…' he reminded Sirius and the other man grinned.

'I know what I like, thank you very much, and I like this,' he told him. 'But why only my eyes? I'm sure there are other parts of my body that are just as interesting…and a whole lot more fun.'

Sirius grinned flirtatiously at the other man and was pleased to see his face flare crimson.

_Oh, he had definitely noticed those fun parts!_

Remus opened his mouth then closed it before he opened it once more and stuttered, 'I…just…draw the most…'

'The most…?' Sirius encouraged.

'Beauty.'

The word almost exploded from Remus, who seemed surprised to hear it voiced, but continued softly, 'I draw beauty.'

Sirius smiled broadly and, though he could scarcely believe it possible, the other man's face got even redder as he realised what he'd blurted out.

'You think my eyes are beautiful?' Sirius teased gently and Remus groaned, shaking his head.

'I don't…choose what I sketch,' he muttered, running a hand through his hair as he tried to qualify his blunt statement. 'It just…it's an instinct. That's what I wanted to draw, what I _could_ draw.'

Sirius stared at him for another moment then asked, 'What do you think of it? You said it was no good - why?'

Remus blinked several times, surprised that the brunette had asked Remus to explain what was wrong with the sketch. He made a noise which he hoped sounded like he was considering the question as he turned back to the pad, praying that if he wasn't looking at Adonis … _Sirius_ … he might be able to string an articulate sentence together. He looked at the etchings properly, objectively, and a crease appeared in his brow.

'Well? What's wrong with it?' Sirius asked, a little impatiently, but Remus just shook his head, staring intently at the page.

It was difficult to capture the human eye effectively sometimes - they were so expressive, showing many facets of emotion at once and ever-changing in tone and tint depending on mood, and these eyes were no different. They didn't hide anything the man felt and Sirius Black's captured orbs clearly showed the brunette's amusement, contemplation and, to Remus' libido's joy, arousal.

'Well, shit,' he whispered and Sirius cocked his head curiously.

'What?' he asked.

Remus shifted his eyes to the waiting man and smiled his first genuine smile for months, unaware of the disruption he'd just caused to Sirius' stomach as thousands of butterflies took flight inside the brunette's stomach.

'Um, they aren't all that bad actually,' he admitted, smile widening as a grin spread across Sirius' face.

The sketches were not only _'not all that bad'_ , but they were damn close to equalling some of his better works. He eyed Sirius speculatively, appraising the man whose eyes were the source of his comeback.

_I might just have gotten my inspiration back._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Three

Sirius was ten minutes early for the next class, arriving just after the intriguing brown-haired man. When Sirius saw him setting up his easel, his face morphed into an involuntary smile. The young artist had been stuck in his head for the past two days, much to Sirius' chagrin. No man had ever gotten under his skin like this, let alone done so after exchanging no more than a handful of words and looks. There was just something about the man, something raw and intensely sexy that made Sirius want to do unspeakable things to him, and let the other man do equally as filthy things to him in return. Trying to force himself not to imagine those acts (it wouldn't do to have wood when he was getting naked in a few minutes), he approached Remus Lupin - hoping he looked cooler than he felt.

'Hi, Remus.'

The man jerked - he obviously hadn't seen him approach - and looked up from his preparations. A smile quirked the corner of his lips, though he seemed to be attempting to fight it back.

'Hello, Sirius,' he murmured. 'Nice to see you again.'

Sirius chuckled. 'See if you're saying that in ten minutes when you're seeing more of me than you'd probably care to,' he teased and he got a flash of colour along the man's cheekbones as a reward.

'I don't think Serendipity got any complaints last time,' Remus said, clearing his throat and Sirius cocked his head inquiringly.

'So you don't mind spending three hours looking at a naked man?' he asked.

Remus' reply was swift and startling. 'Not when he looks like you.'

Sirius was surprised by the (until now) seemingly-introverted man's forwardness and grinned in delight. 'Are you flirting with me, Remus Lupin?'

Remus worried his bottom lip, staring at the zip on Sirius' jacket with rapt interest. 'I…I must be doing it pretty badly if you had to ask.'

Remus' flush had deepened now and those images that Sirius was trying hold at bay came crashing back as all the different ways he could make Remus blush ran though his mind as he spoke.

'Not at all,' Sirius assured the other man. 'You're doing a marvellous job. I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. You _do_ fancy blokes then?'

Remus cleared his throat again and nodded, glancing up to meet Sirius' gaze. 'And you are…?'

'Flaming, according to my friend James,' Sirius grinned and Remus let out a breath of laughter, rolling a pencil between his fingers nervously.

The brunette had been on Remus' mind constantly since the last lesson. Utilising the rediscovered spark of creativity Sirius had lit inside him, he'd used up a whole sketch pad in an attempt to create a decent representation of that beautiful face but, gazing at the Sirius now, he realised that he hadn't even come close to getting it right. Sirius had angles and light and life that had to be seen in the flesh to be believed, and Remus was itching to put pencil to paper to try and capture it.

His renewed passion for his craft had bought back some of the self confidence that the accident had taken from him and he was dragging his assumed-dead flirt out for a much needed airing. He was under no illusions that anything would happen between the model and himself, but that hadn't stopped his hand sliding into his pants at every opportunity over the last two days as he thought about all the things he'd do to Sirius if he were to get his hands on him.

'So, Remus,' Sirius said, his voice breaking into Remus' thoughts. 'Would you fancy a drink after class?'

Remus blinked, staring at him in surprise.

_Did he just read my mind?_

He narrowed his eyes slightly, eyeing Sirius somewhat suspiciously. Even though some of his lost confidence had returned, Remus' new gregariousness was fueled by bravado. It didn't shock him that Sirius (who seemed to personify the word 'flirt') would respond to Remus' weak attempts at flirtatiousness, but Remus was a too-thin, scarred, broke bloke … Why the hell was Sirius - who Remus was positive he would never have pulled even at his best - be asking him out?

'Ah…um…'

Sirius' smile lost some of its brightness and he began to withdraw. 'If you don't want to…'

Remus shook his head hastily. 'No, I do,' he said quickly. 'Um, thanks. That would be nice.'

Sirius smiled widely and Remus couldn't stop his own beaming grin from spreading across his face as, for a moment, they just stared at each other. Their connection was broken a second later by Serendipity who called to Sirius to ' _get your gear off,_ gorgeous'. The brunette smirked at her then murmured a good bye to Remus before he walked out to the dressing room. He threw Remus a look over his shoulder and inclined his head with a questioning, teasing glint in his eye. Remus bit his lip to hide his smile and shook his head to indicate he was declining the silent, faux invitation to join the other man in the dressing room. Sirius feigned disappointment, pouting as he pulled the curtain. Remus chuckled softly, feeling more cheerful than he had in a long time.

He was even more pleased when class ended and he closed the cover of his sketchpad, which was now filled with drawings of Sirius: his hands, his eyes, his lips, the curve of his backside as it met his back…

Remus had suppressed his urge to sketch anything more intimate than his last sketch of the graceful arch of Sirius' buttocks, feeling his body responding to the sight of so much succulent flesh laid out in front of him and recalling Sirius' low voice in his ear during their earlier break…

 _'Stop looking at me like that.'_  
'Like what?'  
'Like you're trying to crawl inside me. Not that I'd mind that but not in such a public forum. I'm getting a boner whenever I feel you looking at me.'

Remus knew he was teasing - he'd been paying enough attention to that particular part of Sirius' body to know he wasn't aroused, at least not enough to be obvious, but it didn't stop Remus' own cock twitching in his pants now as he thought about it.

'Down, boy,' he muttered, packing the last of his things in his bag.

'Ready, Remus?'

He turned around to see Sirius dressed again in his leather jacket, plain black shirt and well faded jeans. Remus' mouth actually watered and he swallowed hard as he looked away, zipping his bag shut and slinging it over his shoulder.

'I'm ready,' he said turned back to Sirius. 'I don't have a car so we could go to the pub down the…'

'Nah, I know a better place,' Sirius interrupted, 'I've got my bike, I'll take you home after. Come on.'

He shoved a previously unnoticed bike helmet at a startled Remus whose hands closed around it automatically, even as his mind froze.

_Bike?_

As he looked at the black leather and chrome monster at the kerb, nerves made his stomach churn. He hadn't been in anything but a bus - a lumbering, slow as hell bus at that - since the accident and suddenly, he wasn't sure that even the lure of an evening with Sirius was enough to make him straddle that seat.

'What's up?' asked Sirius then he waved towards the seat. 'Go ahead and get on.'

Remus could have ripped his own tongue out as he heard himself choke out, 'I…I can't.'

Sirius was pulling his spare helmet on but stopped at Remus' words, yanking it off again. 'Haven't you ever ridden on a bike before?' he asked curiously. 'You don't have to do anything except hang on to me.'

Remus shook his head. 'I haven't but…I…' His words dried up and opened and closed his mouth ineffectively.

Sirius watched the other man absently rubbing his thumb over the long scar on his face and thought that he might just understand.

'Did you get that in an accident?' he asked.

Remus frowned in confusion, but when Sirius indicated the scar, he seemed to realise what he was doing. He dropped his hand, but nodded slowly.

'I'm a safe driver, Remus,' Sirius said quietly. 'I promise.'

Remus looked grim. 'So was I,' he replied softly. 'The choice was taken out of my hands.'

Sirius stared at him for a moment longer then got off the bike. 'So, where's this pub you were talking about?' he asked and Remus' eyes flicked up to the brunette's face, relieved to see him smiling.

'Just down the block a bit,' he answered. 'Are you sure you don't mind…?'

Sirius waved his hand dismissively. 'Nah, beer's beer, isn't it? I just wanted to be somewhere they wouldn't look twice if I felt like snogging you.'

He winked at Remus and the brown-haired man turned red again, wondering if his face would actually just stay that colour soon.

Sirius chuckled, apparently able to sense Remus' frustration at his body's betrayal. 'You embarrass easily, don't you?' he asked and Remus winced in humiliation.

Sirius' smile faded a little, but lingered about his lips as he raised his hand and brushed the back of his knuckles across Remus' stained cheek.

'It's adorable, Remus,' he murmured in a low, slightly roughened voice as the feel of Remus' warm, smooth skin sent an electric shock through his core. 'I like making you blush.'

A tremor rippled over Remus' skin at the touch of the other man's hand and suddenly, the idea of being pressed up against him with a bike rumbling between his thighs didn't seem so bad after all.

'We should go to your pub,' he said, a little breathlessly and Sirius dropped his hand, smiling broadly.

'The snogging bit won you over didn't it?' he teased and Remus laughed.

'No,' he said unconvincingly. 'The beer's shite at my pub. Watered down.'

'So it's only the quality of the booze you're interested in?' Sirius asked and Remus smiled.

'Absolutely,' he said with a nod.

Sirius grinned then picked up the second helmet, hesitating for a brief second before putting it on.

'I'll take it easy, okay?' he said seriously and Remus felt a shot of gratitude.

He nodded, still uneasy, but as Sirius pulled his helmet on then swung his leg over the leather seat, his worn jeans tightened over his rear and all reservations again flew out of Remus' head. He jammed on the helmet, admonishing himself for his lack of spine.

_Christ. One nice arse and I'm practically bending over for him. I am a weak, weak man._

Once Sirius had settled himself, he turned to Remus and patted the seat behind him. Remus took a deep breath and climbed onto the bike. Sirius twisted to look over his shoulder and Remus could see him smiling behind his tinted visor.

'Hang on,' he said, voice flat and muffled. 'Tight.'

Remus nodded and put his hands on either side of Sirius' waist, resting them there lightly. Sirius started the engine then grasped Remus' wrists. He pulled Remus' arms, wrapping them around his torso. He turned again and although his helmet and the noise of the engine muffled his voice, the message was clear.

'Closer.'

Remus moved, sliding forward until he was pressed against the brunette's back. He could feel the mans' back muscles undulating as he revved the engine then knocked the kickstand up.

'Hang on!'

With a roar, the bike lurched away from the curb, the jerk making Remus tighten his arms around Sirius reflexively.

There were a few minutes of absolute terror for Remus as Sirius weaved his way through the London streets, busy even at nearly ten o'clock on a Wednesday. The sensation of the thrumming between his thighs, the warmth of Sirius' body flush against his and the smell of leather and a spicy cologne more than made up for the accelerated heart beat…or were they the reasons for the rapid thumping? He was not as relieved as he thought he might be when Sirius pulled the motorbike into a parking space outside a tavern, although his legs were a little rubbery when he dismounted. Remus steadied himself on the solid ground and pulled off the helmet. Sirius did the same, grinning at Remus as the brown-haired man tried to neaten his hair.

'Not too bad?' he asked and Remus grimaced.

'Terrifying,' he retorted dryly, then smiled so Sirius knew he wasn't serious.

Sirius snorted in amusement then tossed his head, shaking his hair out. Remus was annoyed to see that every single strand of hair fell perfectly back into place.

'Is there anything about you that's _not_ bloody perfect?' he grumbled and Sirius raised a querying eyebrow

'Pardon?' he said and Remus' eyes widened.

_Did I say that aloud?_

'Nothing,' he said hurriedly. 'I'm thirsty. Let's go in.'

Sirius slid off the bike much more gracefully than Remus had and touched the other man's elbow, leading him towards the front door. Remus wondered if his suddenly tight chest was the result of the smoky room they'd entered or if it had more to do with Sirius' fingers curled around his arm. Before he could consider it further, Sirius' hand was gone and he was mumbling something about drinks, his face strangely flushed.

Remus searched for a table while Sirius made his way through to the bar. He looked around, seeing exactly why Sirius would feel more at home here. There were many people in the smoky room: all men, all being openly affectionate with each other. London was more progressive than many cities, but there were still those who took offence to seeing something as harmless as two men holding hands in public. He watched the couples, running his hand absently over the vinyl bench seat. So immersed in his people watching, he started when a glass was plonked down in front of him.

'Finest ale in Britain, Remus,' Sirius said brightly as he slid into the booth opposite him. 'Drink up.'

Remus smiled his thanks and curved his hands around the glass, savouring the cool smoothness before he raised the drink to his lips and gulped down a mouthful of the bitter, golden liquid.

'So,' Sirius said, putting his glass down and wiping a spot of white froth from his lip. Tell me about you.'

Remus looked up at the other man, who was staring expectantly at him, and shrugged. 'Not much to tell,' he said casually. 'I'm twenty five and I work in a coffee shop by day. By night, I'm a struggling artist who'd hoped he wouldn't be struggling quite so long.'

He smiled and lifted his glass back to his mouth. 'That's pretty much all that's interesting about me, actually.'

Sirius smiled. 'I obviously find you far more fascinating than you find yourself,' he told Remus, shifting his arms to the table and leaning on them. 'There are many things I'd like to know about you. Starting with…' He stroked his own cheek, tracing an invisible replication of Remus' scar on the unblemished skin. 'I know it was an accident of some kind, but how exactly did you get the scar?'

Remus' face blanched and his fingers tightened around the glass. Sirius noticed his sudden tension and leaned closer, touching his hand lightly to the back of Remus' wrist.

'Sorry. You don't have to tell me…' he began, but Remus shook his head.

'No, it's fine,' he said, surprised that it really was; that he didn't feel confronted or panicked as he had when the hospital counsellors tried to get him to talk about the accident.

It was as though a plug had been pulled as, over the next hour, everything came rushing out - his art before the accident, the offer of the space in the exhibit, the accident, his lack of inspiration afterwards and…most humiliatingly…he even told Sirius that sketching him had triggered a reaction and he seemed to be regaining his artistic spark.

The brunette listened with his head cocked to one side, looking thoughtful and interested. He didn't snigger at all at the thought that his naked form had bought Remus' talent crashing back. Once the flood of words ceased, Sirius leaned back in his chair, taking a sip of his drink as he eyed Remus speculatively.

'So you can sketch better now than you have been?' he asked. 'But not consistently? Only bits and pieces?'

Remus nodded in confirmation. 'I think it's partly due to the poses Serendipity places you in,' he said. 'She's a lovely girl, but she has no clue about how to make something aesthetically pleasing.'

'Or comfortable,' Sirius muttered. 'And I swear, if she _accidentally_ brushes her hand over my arse one more time…'

Remus laughed and drained the glass before he stood up. 'My round is long overdue, I think,' he said, reaching for Sirius' glass. 'Another of the same?'

He was surprised when Sirius refused, standing as well and grabbing his jacket off the back of his seat. 'No,' he told Remus. 'I've got a better idea. Take me back to yours.'

Remus appeared taken aback and Sirius grinned.

'You filthy bugger,' he teased, watching Remus turn pink. 'I'll have none of that on a first date... probably.' He chuckled as Remus' eyes widened. 'Relax, Remus. I want to see your work.'

Remus blinked. 'Oh, I don't know…' he said reluctantly, but he hadn't counted on Sirius' persuasiveness.

'It's going to be on display anyway, isn't it?' Sirius wheedled. 'For public consumption? So…you're just giving me a preview.'

Remus still looked hesitant, but Sirius didn't give him time to object again, passing him the bike helmet.

'I'll get us a bottle to take away, if you like, then we'll go.' He smiled winningly and Remus felt something inside him melting under the warmth of it.

'Alright, then,' he said, caving completely and Siruis' smile widened before he slung an arm around Remus' thin shoulders.

'Excellent,' he enthused. 'Come on then, young Remus. Show me your etchings.'


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Four

Remus' knees were shaking as he led Sirius up to his flat; shaking from both the motorbike ride through the London streets, and from being pressed up against Sirius' back for all that time. He prayed that he hadn't left any dirty underwear lying around the floor - unlikely, but still - as he opened the door and waved Sirius inside. The brunette stopped just inside the entry hall, shucking his leather coat and looking around interestedly.

'So this is an artist's digs?' he murmured, eyes taking in the neat, clean, but shabby apartment.

Remus took Sirius' coat and hung it with his on a hook behind the front door as he answered. 'No, this is a _struggling_ artist's digs,' he corrected. 'Real artists live amongst beauty and inspiration. I have grey walls, peeling linoleum and a fat, hairy trucker that likes to walk around in his underwear with his curtains open.'

Sirius glanced sharply at him and Remus gestured out the window. Sirius grimaced when he saw Remus' neighbour across the alley.

'Jeez, no wonder you can't paint,' he said and Remus chuckled, pulling the curtains and indicated that Sirius should follow him.

'This is pretty much it,' Remus told him, waving a hand in a sweeping gesture to encompass the small open plan area. 'Kitchen, living room, dining room…,' he said, pointing out each area as he spoke. 'And that's the tour.'

'Not quite,' Sirius said, grinning at him and Remus cursed himself as he flushed again.

Sirius followed close behind as he moved down the short hall, pointing out the bathroom then waving a hand towards his bedroom - relieved he didn't see any underwear laying about.

'My room.'

He moved quickly away, but Sirius went inside the small room. Remus walked back to stand in the doorway, watching as Sirius sat on the end of his double bed and bounced. They heard the creak of the old, rusted base and Sirius smiled.

'Springy,' he noted then chuckled at the slightly frightened expression on Remus' face before he stood up. 'You are so easy, Remus. Come on, show me the fruits of your labour.'

Remus moved down the hall to the only closed door and opened it to reveal his tiny spare room and Sirius smiled in approval.

'This is more like it,' he murmured, walking past Remus into the room. 'This is more you.'

Remus had stripped this room down to the bones when he moved in - determined that the place he worked from would be a haven for him in a sea of blandness. He had torn up the cigarette-burned carpet, leaving the bare boards (which were in surprisingly good condition) exposed. Then he had painted the walls stark white and hung his own work around the room plus posters of art or scenes that he loved and that bought splashes of colour to the work area. His easel was set up near the curtain-less window to take advantage of the little natural light his flat received, and it faced a couch he used to pose his models when he worked from home.

One glance at the easel now made Remus groan in humiliation as he realised that his sketches from the night before were still pinned to it.

His sketches of Sirius.

Of course, as Murphy's Law would have it, the sketches were the first thing Sirius laid eyes on. He sat down on Remus' paint-splattered stool and touched the paper lightly.

'This is me,' he said, somewhat redundantly. He looked up at Remus, who was the colour of a fire truck. 'Did you do these in class?'

'Er, no. I was just fooling around…,' he said, moving across the room. 'They aren't right anyway.'

He made to grab the pad, but Sirius smacked his hand playfully. 'Let me be the judge of that,' he admonished with a smile. 'After all, who knows my face better than me?'

Remus fidgeted uncomfortably as Sirius looked at the drawings closely. He saw a crease appear in Sirius' brow and knew the other man could see the faults in the sketch, but wasn't sure what exactly was missing. Remus dragged over another stool and sat down next to Sirius as he gave him the answer.

'There's no life in them,' he said and Sirius looked at him as he pointed to the eyes in one sketch.

'Your eyes are dead here,' he explained. 'I couldn't catch that light in them…It's hard to do at any time, but without the subject in front of you….'

He shrugged and Sirius looked at the sketch again, cocking his head and frowning down at the pad for several seconds before he turned back to Remus.

'Sketch me now.'

Remus started. 'What?'

'I'm here now,' Sirius said then fluttered his eyelashes. 'Plenty of light in my eyes.'

Remus let out a little snort of laughter and Sirius grinned then nudged him in the side with his elbow.

'Come on. Please?' he wheedled. 'I'll even keep my clothes on so you don't have to look at my hideous nakedness.'

'Yeah, hideous,' Remus grunted, his sarcasm thick, and Sirius laughed. He stood up and held his arms out to the sides, taking the lack of objection as a go ahead.

'Where do you want me?' he asked.

Remus heaved a breath of resignation, but was secretly excited Sirius has suggested this. He grabbed a pencil then gestured to the stool.

'Just on the stool is fine,' he said, shifting his own back a little.

Sirius sat back down and grinned. 'Make sure you get my good side.'

Remus shook his head as he flipped to a fresh page in the pad. 'Shouldn't be too hard,' he muttered. 'You don't appear to have a bad side - life really isn't fair.'

'Too much perfection in one package?' Sirius asked cheekily.

Remus heard the teasing in Sirius' voice, but he'd hit the nail on the head. 'Exactly,' he said, looking up from his page in time to see Sirius' smile change from playful to contemplative then seductive.

'Sure you don't want me to get my gear off?' he asked, his voice low and a little husky.

Remus hesitated, his body reacting to the underlying want in Sirius' voice. He really would love for Sirius to be sprawled naked across his couch - bared for Remus' eyes only - but he reluctantly shook his head, knowing that it was too much, far too soon.

Sirius' flirty smile widened. 'Took you a little while to decide, didn't it?' he said softly. 'Do you always do the right thing, Remus?'

'Usually,' Remus told him, then gestured with his pencil. 'Turn to your right a little.'

Sirius did as he was told, turning his face. 'Isn't that boring?' he continued, undeterred. 'I mean, _you_ want me to take my clothes off, _I_ want to take my clothes off…propriety is stopping you having some fun.'

'Sirius, I can't sketch you while you're talking…' Remus said, but Sirius interrupted.

'Yes you can,' he argued. 'So? Do you ever want to do something completely inappropriate just because you want to do it?'

'Never.'

'Why not?'

Remus sighed. 'It…it's hard to do this while you're yapping.'

'Why don't you come over here and shut me up?' Sirius suggested, wriggling his eyebrows when Remus looked up from the pad in frustrated amusement.

'You're incorrigible,' he laughed and Sirius nodded.

'And corruptible,' he said with a smirk. 'For the right person.'

Remus tapped the pencil against his chin and smiled. 'Oh, I have a feeling there is nothing I could do to corrupt you further, Sirius. You're pure evil.'

'You have no idea, Remus,' he murmured and the wicked grin on the brunette's face sent a pang of lust through Remus' core.

He cleared his constricted throat then lowered his head back to the sketch pad. His hand shook as he began to work, but soon, he got caught up in the flow of lines and curves and forgot about the wonderfully erotic things this man did to his body, instead focusing on texture and angles and the fall of that too-perfect-to-be-real hair.

Sirius stayed quiet when he saw Remus get caught up in what he was doing. Those blue eyes no longer looked at Sirius like he was a man Remus was attracted to, but with an evaluating, burning intensity as his hand flew over his pad. Remus broke Sirius down piece by piece, body part by body part then put him back together on the page. The artist's immersion in what he was doing gave Sirius a chance to look to his heart's content and he liked what he saw. The way Remus seemed so unaware of anything other than the pencil in his hand made the occasional quirk of his lips, or the wrinkle that appeared in his brow even more endearing because they weren't an affectation.

_He is genuinely unaware of how he comes across, of how bloody hot he is when he's completely lost in what he's doing._

After what could have been minutes or hours, he saw Remus frown and he refocused on Sirius-the-man rather than Sirius-the-subject.

'What's wrong?' Sirius asked.

Remus blinked a couple of times. 'I can't…' His hand rose and he traced a curve in the air between them. 'I can't get the shadowing, the texture…quite right…'

He stretched his arm out further, as if to touch Sirius' face, but pulled back before he could make contact. Sirius instinctively knew what he needed.

'Touch me.'

Remus' eyes widened and he seemed taken aback. 'Excuse me?'

'You wanted to,' Sirius said perceptively. 'If it helps you, touch me.'

Remus still appeared reluctant and Sirius cajoled him, wanting to feel the other man's touch more badly than he cared to admit - even to himself.

'Remus, I watched you tonight,' he said with a little smile. 'You are very…tactile. You run your damnable sexy fingers over everything so if you need to, just…touch.'

Sirius saw Remus' uncertainty and made a split-second decision, reaching out his own hand to touch Remus' cheek; tracing his index finger along the edge of the long scar and feeling Remus' jaw jump under the light touch.

'I know you thought I was joking today,' he murmured, finger sliding over the smooth skin of the raised scar. 'When I said you were turning me on when you looked at me, but I wasn't. I had to pull up some very disturbing images of my one and only ex-girlfriend naked to keep things…decent. Watching you _touch_ everything with those hands…well, let's just say if Serendipity hadn't called for me to switch position, there may have been quite an embarrassing moment.'

A slow burn spread over Remus' skin, emanating from the tip of Sirius' finger. The brunette's thumb ghosted over a pink tinted lip, then traced the edge of the pigmentation, following the line of Remus' mouth from corner to corner.

'See?' he whispered. 'It's not so hard.'

He dropped his hand and took hold of Remus', feeling a tremor as he lifted it to his face.

'Touch me, Remus.'

He pushed his cheek against Remus' palm then skimmed his hand along the back of the hand, over the fragile metacarpal bones, the surprisingly delicate wrist and the hair sprinkled arm, which broke out into goose bumps at the touch.

Remus closed his eyes against the sensation that threatened to overwhelm him then took a deep, strengthening breath before he firmed his touch on Sirius' face. He heard Sirius' hitched breath when his slightly roughened thumb stroked over his skin lightly, moving to the bridge of the other man's nose and following the straight line from tip to between his brows. Remus opened his eyes now and, with hastened respiration, his other hand joined the first, thumb following the path the other had forged. Both thumbs pressed between Sirius' dark eyebrows for a moment then parted, going in opposite directions to learn the rise of the brunette's brow, gliding lightly over the skin as Sirius' eyes closed.

The air around them grew thick, ribbons of lust weaving through the tension. Remus could almost smell the pheromones seeping from their pores and it took everything he had not to leap upon the other man and shag him stupid. Instead he concentrated on a task which should have been mechanical, should have been ordinary and bland, but instead had turned into the most erotic experience of Remus' life.

Trembling hands slid over aristocratic cheekbones that created all kinds of interesting angles for Remus to explore then fingertips danced along a strong, slightly stubbled jaw. A muscle leapt as Remus' hands cupped Sirius' jaw, thumbs moving slowly in concentric circles over the other man's chin. A sharp inhale broke the silence as Remus drew his hands slowly down Sirius' throat, his little fingers grazing the sensitive skin under the brunette's ears. A shiver shook Sirius who opened his desire darkened eyes and stared at Remus as if he could see directly into his soul. Remus stared back for several long moments, barely breathing as need tightened his chest. Then, almost robotically, his hands slid off Sirius' face to grasp his pencil and pad and his hand began to move. His eyes remained on the other man for as long as possible then shifted down to the pad, flicking up regularly to refresh his memory of Sirius' face. His head would then duck back down over his paper, fringe in his eyes, swaying as Remus moved.

Twenty minutes later, Remus looked up and sucked in a long, cleansing breath before he handed Sirius the sketch pad. The other man took it and gazed down at the portrait for so long that Remus began to fidget and finally spoke.

'Sirius?'

Sirius looked up then smiled an extraordinary smile. 'It's incredible.'

'You think?' he asked, relieved.

'Come on, Remus,' Sirius said, dragging his stool close, and they looked down at the picture together. 'You're the artist - no false modesty. It's good, isn't it?'

Remus tried to look objectively at the sketch and smiled. 'Yeah. It's good.'

Sirius let out a light, happy laugh and unexpectedly slung an arm around the other man's shoulders. 'Does this mean you're getting your groove back?' he asked and Remus chuckled, leaning into the brunette's loose embrace.

'I hope so. I've only got a few months to get something done for this opening.'

Sirius nodded and his gaze moved from the pad to Remus' face. 'You'll do it. You're talented, Remus. You're…brilliant.'

Remus flushed and shook his head before turning to look at Sirius, their eyes locking.

'Thanks.,' he said, his voice rough, hoarse even, though it was raised barely above a whisper.

Remus was the first to break eye contact, his gaze shifting to Sirius' lips then he forced himself to stop staring and looked down at the floor, clearing his throat.

'It…it's getting late,' he mumbled.

Sirius blinked, becoming aware of his surroundings again, and nodded. He stood up and stretched, not missing how Remus' eyes shifted to the strip of flesh revealed when he did so. Hiding a sudden smile, the brunette followed Remus to the door, taking his coat and letting his hand sit on the other man's for longer than necessary before slipping the leather jacket on.

'Can I see you again?' he blurted out then felt his cheeks heat up.

Remus worried his bottom lip shyly and shrugged, trying to appear casual. 'You'll see me Friday night in class.'

Sirius stared as Remus sucked his abused bottom lip into his mouth and his control snapped.

'I can't do this in class,' he murmured, leaning forward as he spoke and pressing his lips to Remus'.

The kiss was chaste, dry, short; a question that Remus answered with a little moan that he managed to halt in his throat, but that was still audible. It had been so damn long since he'd been kissed by anyone, let alone someone he was so attracted to. Sirius pulled back far enough to slide his tongue over his own lips to lubricate them, to taste Remus on them, then he leaned back in, the sudden darkness of his eyes warning Remus that this time, he wouldn't be getting off so easily. His lips were firmer this time, intent clear, and Remus could no more stop his elemental reaction than he could turn back the tides or switch off the sun.

Sirius' tongue flicked demandingly at his lip but barely had it touched the soft flesh before Remus opened for him, the option of denying him access not even considered by the brown-haired man. Electricity arced between them and the kiss deepened by mutual consent, mouths angling over each other to allow their tongues to explore the tastes and textures that lay within. Sirius' fingers threaded through soft brown strands of hair, strong hands cupping Remus' head with surprising gentleness.

There was nothing gentle or soft though, about the way his body pushed insistently at Remus' until the artist's back was pressing against the door jamb. Remus' hands clutched desperately at the supple leather of Sirius' jacket as a denim clad leg slipped between his thighs. He had time to register Sirius' hardness dragging over his own bulge before the other man tore himself away, stumbling a little until his back hit the other side of the door frame.

They both stared at each other through hazed eyes, panting hard.

'Wow.'

Remus flushed and smiled at Sirius' breathy exclamation.

'Yeah. Wow.'

The sound of ragged breathing filled the silence then Remus pushed himself off the door frame to stand on wobbly legs.

'I'll see you Friday?' he said unsteadily and Sirius nodded.

'Yes,' he said hastily. 'Can we go for a drink after?'

'Definitely.'

'And afterwards,' Sirius said hopefully. 'You could sketch me again?'

Remus let out a stuttering laugh. 'If you want…'

Sirius straightened and pressed a fast kiss to Remus mouth, his lip curling at the corner as he whispered, 'I want.'


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Five**

'So?'

'So what?'

'The bloke?'

'James, it is far too frigging early in the day for you to be cryptic,' Sirius mumbled, sipping his coffee. 'Will you just spit out whatever you're trying to ask?'

'The bloke that kept you out the other night,' James said slowly and clearly in deference to Sirius' morning dimness. 'The bloke that has made you grin like a Cheshire cat since you got back from your first class. The bloke that is distracting you from the fact that your hair is about to catch fire.'

' _Fuck_!'

Sirius leapt away from one of Lily Evans-soon-to-be-Potter's brightly burning scented candles, and patted his hair frantically.

'It didn't mess up your pretty hair, Sirius,' chuckled James, moving to the table and flopping into his seat. 'Now, who is he? What's his name?'

'How do you know there's a bloke?' SIrius asked, giving his hair one more pat before he turned back to the toaster.

James snorted as he lifted his cup of tea to his mouth. 'You're only ever this happy after you meet a bloke,' he told him and Sirius poked out his tongue at him before he grabbed the toast that had just popped up.

He sat down opposite his friend, trying to hide his broad grin. He _had_ been in a particularly good mood since Wednesday night and was looking forward to tonight's modelling class, but as the minutes dragged until six o'clock, Sirius felt ready to crawl out of his skin. He'd rarely felt such anticipation…

_And this isn't even really a date._

'His name is Remus,' he told James. 'He's an artist from the community centre class and…' He clamped his lips together, but enthusiasm made the words burst from him. 'James, he's _brilliant_! You should see the sketch he did of me the other night…'

'With your gear off?' James queried, a look of disgust on his face. 'No thanks. I'll just have to take your word about his brilliance.'

'I _didn't_ have my gear off, thank you very much,' Sirius retorted, chomping into his toast and chewing as he spoke. 'We both remained clothed - well, after class anyway. And before you ask, I didn't sleep with him. I'm not a complete slut.'

James looked at him quizzically. 'This is you after _not_ sleeping with a bloke?' he said in disbelief. 'Shit, Sirius. Normally this is after-shag behaviour. This…Remus…must be a hell of an artist.'

Sirius nodded then swallowed as an idea struck him. 'Come and meet him. You'd like him.'

'Er, you want me to come to the art class?' James said, his reluctance obvious.

'No, I know you are completely hopeless at anything creative and I don't want you ogling my bits,' Sirius teased, throwing a bit of crust at him. 'Just come afterwards and we can all go for a drink…'

'Straight bar?'

'Aw, come on!' Sirius whined. 'I can't kiss him at a straight bar.'

'You could…' James began, but Sirius interrupted.

'Yeah, if I wanted to get my arse kicked.'

'Licked, did you say?' James said, a sly grin on his face. 'Thought you liked that kind of thing, Princess?'

'Prick.'

'You are _obsessed_ with my cock, aren't you? You want it bad.'

'Ew! Not with girl germs all over it!' Sirius said, screwing up his nose and James slapped him around the head.

'Better than what you've got all over yours, you pillow biter,' he retorted without malice then he shook his head definitively. 'I'm not going to a gay bar again, not after last time, and I refuse to spend the night watching you two try and take out each other's tonsils with your tongues.'

'Fine!' Sirius exclaimed, not really caring enough to argue further. 'There's a pub just down the road from the community centre. I'll meet you there just after nine o'clock.'

James watched Sirius pick at his toast, an indulgent smile spreading across his face. Sirius caught sight of it and narrowed his eyes.

'What are you smirking about?' he asked and James chuckled.

'You really like this guy, don't you?' he said and Sirius swallowed hard.

_Shit, is it that obvious?_

Already uncomfortable with his fast-growing fondness for the artist, Sirius took a big bite out of his toast and shrugged. 'He's alright,' he said, with an attempt at nonchalance that, if James' knowing grin was anything to go by, failed miserably.

'What's his name?'

'Sirius. Sirius Black.'

'Weird.'

'No weirder than Remus.'

'True.'

Remus chucked an old, turpentine soaked rag at Peter Pettigrew's head, the blonde boy catching it deftly and chuckling as he threw it back. He stretched out on the artist's sofa, watching Remus as he brushed paint onto the canvas in front of him.

'Will you stop moving, Pete?' Remus scolded, glaring at his wriggling friend.

'Sorry,' Peter said carelessly. 'So? You like this guy?'

The corner of Remus' mouth quirked up and he nodded. 'I do. He's…funny, and smart, and intuitive and as sexy as all hell.'

'Certainly qualities _I_ look for in a man…' Peter joked.

'Oh, fuck off, Pete.'

'Sorry,' Peter apologised again, this time just as insincere as the last. 'You're just making him sound bigger than the Beatles.'

'Never liked the Beatles much…' Remus said slyly, sneaking a peek at Peter as he said it.

'Fucking blasphemy!' Peter cried.

Remus snorted in the face of his friend's predictable indignation then frowned. 'Pete, _please_ stop fidgeting.'

He added some white to his blue to match the colour of the other man's jeans, then continued to paint, falling into a rhythm now that his friend had stopped questioning him. Remus was finding this harder going than he usually did - his rhythm, his pattern, was off a little, but he could do it. Perhaps a little slower and not quite as effortless as it was before the accident, but this practice painting of his friend wasn't crap.

'Thank God,' he murmured to himself, although he suspected that the deity had less to do with the process than meeting Sirius Black did.

He knew some great artists had a muse, someone that provided them with the inspiration to create, but Remus had never really believed that one person could have that kind of power.

Now he wasn't so sure.

It worried him that Sirius seemed to have that effect on him…what would happen when the man decided to move on? Remus' brush stilled and he sighed, staring blankly at the painting on the easel in front of him. Was this just a coincidence that he started to improve as Sirius came into his life? Or did the brunette really have that big of a hold over him already? He bit his lip, hand cupping his chin as his finger absently traced the line of the scar across his cheek. Sirius was…beautiful. Classic, aristocratic beauty that could have been intimidating if the other man wasn't so friendly and warm. Sirius might be momentarily interested in flirting with the only man his own age at the art class, but in the end, he would want someone more like himself, someone who wasn't broken and damaged.

'Remus? You done? I'm cramping.'

Remus shook himself out of his reverie and nodded, tossing his brush down into a jar of thinner.

'Yeah, I'm done for now,' he said. 'I think I can finish without you.'

'Thank Christ!'

Peter stood up and stretched then moved to stand beside Remus, looking at the painting. 'Hey, that's pretty good, isn't it?' He looked at Remus for confirmation and the other man nodded.

'Yeah, it's not too bad… considering what I had to work with.'

'Oi!' Peter punched Remus lightly on the arm. 'Last bloody time I do you a favour.'

Remus chuckled as packed up his area and Peter collected his coat, saying, 'I've gotta get to work, but want to meet up tonight for a drink?'

'I'm meeting Sirius tonight,' Remus said, a flush spreading quickly across his cheekbones. 'Hey, why don't you come too?'

Peter looked surprised. 'You want me tagging along on your date?'

'Well, it's not really a date per se…' Remus admitted, then owned up to the reason he wanted Peter to come along. 'And maybe you could tell me if he really is as perfect as he seems or if I'm imagining it because it's been so damn long since I was with a bloke that I've forgotten what to do.'

'Er, you _do_ recall that I'm straight?' Peter reminded him and Remus slapped his forehead in mock shock.

'Shit, really?' he exclaimed. 'So I suppose me buggering you the other night when you passed out on the scotch was a bit of a faux-pas?'

'I've told you before, Remus…drunken blowjobs are acceptable, buggering is a big no-no,' Peter teased.

Remus grinned and hugged his slightly rotund friend. 'So you'll come and check him out for me?'

'You buying?'

'I'm a starving artist, Pete…'

'So, is that a yes?'

'Breeder.'

'Tosser.'

'Yes, I _am_!' Remus howled dramatically, throwing up his hands. 'Which is why I need you to come and check him out. I'm sick of fucking my own hand.'

Peter laughed, opening the front door of Remus' flat. 'Okay, okay, I'll be there, just stop talking about your masturbatory habits. Time?'

'Er, about nine,' Remus answered. 'There's a pub down the block from the community centre…'

'Shippley Street?' Peter asked and Remus nodded. 'Yeah, I know the one. I'll see you there.'

'Cheers, Pete.'

Hands grabbed at Remus' coat as he walked through the door and before he knew it, he had been pulled into a supply closet, the door closing behind him effectively cutting off any light source. Remus blinked, his eyes slowly adjusting to the sudden shift to darkness, then he heard him.

'Hi.'

Remus smiled at the smooth, velvety tone of Sirius' voice near his ear, then let loose a soft moan as a hard body pressed him into the wall.

'H…hi,' he stammered then a warm, moist mouth covered his and he was being kissed into a stupor.

This kiss was demanding and fierce and Remus couldn't help but match Sirius' urgency, particularly when he realised with a strong surge of lust that all the other man had on was the thin towelling robe he wore during breaks. The darkness was thick around them, and Remus felt himself drowning in sensation as Sirius' mouth worked magic on his body, heating him up until he was at boiling point and felt as though he might just completely combust. He was still managing to hang onto his ragged self-control, even when he felt Sirius' erection pressing against his thigh, but his restraint snapped when Sirius' warm, slightly rough palm slid under his t-shirt and over his bare stomach.

With a noise that sounded a lot like a growl, Remus twisted them until Sirius was the one being shoved into the wall, deepening the kiss and swallowing Sirius' groan of approval. He wasn't usually this forward with someone he knew so little about, but there was something about Sirius that made him lose all control. Tongues plundered warm, moist mouths, neither man realising their hips were moving in tandem until they could no longer breathe and pulled away to gulp down lungfuls of air. Their bodies kept pressing against each other in an imitation of the act their bodies desperately wanted and Remus whimpered into Sirius' neck as his denim-covered erection rubbed along the other man's thigh. Sirius hands, which had been gripping Remus' shoulders tightly, slid down until he was cupping the other man's buttocks in each palm.

'You've got an even better arse than I remembered,' he whispered hoarsely and Remus moaned into the juncture of the brunette's neck and shoulder as his hips involuntarily thrust again, Sirius' hands tightening on his arse as he met the movement with a snap of his own lower body.

'How do you do this with one kiss? I'm so fucking _hard_ , Remus,' Sirius gasped, shifting his hand to ghost over Remus' hip then skimming over the brown-haired man's throbbing erection. 'Christ, so are you. Shit, Remus. _Please_? Let me?'

Even as he sought permission, Sirius' fingers were undoing Remus' fly as if he knew the other man didn't have the strength or desire to even think of refusing him. Remus' hands moved as well, shoving the sides of Sirius' robe apart then trailing his hands over the lightly defined chest and abdomen to come to rest on Sirius' hip bones. Sirius' breath on his neck was sending tremors of need down Remus' spine and that, combined with the texture and taste of Sirius, made the artist's head spin. Sirius' pelvis pushed forward frantically, his cock - his fucking hard, thick cock - brushing over the inside of Remus' wrist as he moved, smearing warm, sticky pre-come across the thin skin there.

'God, touch me, Remus. Please…'

The hoarse whisper filled the darkness and made Remus' insides turn to liquid as the pressure in his jeans increased. Surprised by his uncharacteristic boldness, Remus caught Sirius' lips with his own again as his hand closed around the other man's cock. He couldn't miss the powerful shudder that shook the brunette and it emboldened him further, shifting his other hand to his own crotch to help a fumbling Sirius to unbutton his fly. Both of Sirius' hands grasped the waistband of Remus' jeans, yanking them down to bunch at the tops of his thighs, before he wrapped his fingers around Remus' shaft, which pulsed wantonly in his grip.

'So fucking hard.'

There was no time for gentle exploration or playful teasing - both men were too needy now to take their time. Snogging furiously, they feverishly fisted each other, not bothering to try and muffle their moans of pleasure as they quickly reached the pinnacle and drove each other over. Sirius finished first, his cock throbbing in Remus' fist as he wrenched his mouth away from the other man's and threw his head back in complete supplication, giving himself over to his release and to Remus. Remus moaned breathily as he plunged head-first into his climax, teeth sinking into Sirius' exposed throat as he shot hot ropes of come over Sirius' stomach and hand.

Legs shaking and gasping for breath, Remus leaned heavily against a panting Sirius, not quite able to wrap his mind around the fact he'd just jerked off a guy he'd known for a week in a closet in the Community Centre. And been jerked off in return. And he was still holding said man's softening cock.

_Fuck! What am I doing?_

But for the life of him, he couldn't bring himself to feel any shame or embarrassment, just a repletion that left him wanting to curl up in Sirius' arms and never leave.

'Well,' puffed Sirius with a laugh in his voice as he broke the silence. 'That was…not what I expected in the way of a greeting.'

Remus groaned into the other mans' shoulder and heard his low chuckle - the sound making his should-have-been-spent cock twitch in interest in Sirius' hand. He felt Sirius' other hand stroke over his head then brush against his cheek before gripping his chin firmly. He applied a little pressure, forcing Remus' face up then their lips were pressing together and Remus' cock definitely started to firm up. Sirius' mouth left his, but the brunette's forehead rested against Remus'.

'You…aren't sorry are you?' he whispered, lips brushing Remus' with each word. 'I know that was fast…'

'You _were_ a bit quick…' Remus teased softly and Sirius growled playfully, nuzzling Remus' jaw and biting the rough skin lightly.

'You're just far too desirable for me to hang on long,' he retorted. 'Plus I have been thinking about doing something like that to you for two days and was as horny as hell.'

Remus smiled then made a noise of dissatisfaction as Sirius finally thought to remove his sticky hand from Remus' cock.

'Wipe your hand on the robe,' he said and Remus removed his hand also, smiling at Sirius' sigh of disappointment as he wiped his hand on the terry-cloth, smirking in the dark at the thought of Serendipity finding the soiled robe.

They tidied themselves up, adjusting their clothes and trying to flatten mussed hair before they had to enter the studio. Remus put a hand out and opened the door, a beam of fluorescent light penetrating the darkness of the closet before Sirius put one arm up to block the exit.

'I don't regret this, Remus,' he said quietly. 'Do you?'

Remus could see Sirius clearly now, could see those grey eyes which were filled with an uncertainty and vulnerability that didn't sit well on the usually confident man, and all Remus wanted to do was make that expression disappear.

'No,' he said softly, reaching out and taking Sirius' hand, giving it a squeeze. 'No, I don't.'

He may not understand what was happening here between him and Sirius, and he may have been a little unnerved himself by the speed in which they'd reached such an intimate point, but he did know one thing for certain…

He didn't regret it.


	7. Chapter 7

** Chapter Six **

One good thing about getting off before one appears naked in front of a roomful of people was that one could relax and stop worrying about unwanted and highly inappropriate erections at inopportune moments.

Or at least that's what Sirius thought - which is why with only fifteen minutes to go until the end of class, he was mortified to find himself in desperate need of a change of position before all those blue-hair grandmas in the front row got a show they hadn't paid for. Sirius tried to focus on thoughts of the elderly women who made up almost fifty percent of the class then almost growled in frustration when the errant thought that the veins in old Martha's wrists were the same colour as Remus' eyes drifted through his mind. His cock twitched threateningly as he imagined those eyes looking up at him as their owner sucked on said appendage.

Sirius shifted uncomfortably, frantically thinking, _'Martha in the nude, Martha in the nude,'_ as he tried to stop his condition becoming too obvious.

This was all Remus' fault. Why did the man have to look so damn _fuckable_? With those big, blue eyes that traced every inch of Sirius' body with an intensity that made his skin break out in goose bumps, that soft golden-brown hair that hung over his eyes as he concentrated on the pad in front of him, those long, graceful fingers that rubbed at the sketch of Sirius, making the brunette wonder if Remus was touching the depiction of his arse, or maybe his cock.

The memory of those fingers holding him, stroking him, led to Sirius recalling his wanking fantasy of last night which involved Remus' mouth doing oh-so-nice things to aforementioned phallus…and suddenly, the old woman on the other side of the room was giggling and poking the even older woman next to her, who raised an eyebrow then winked at a horrified Sirius.

The giggles combined with Sirius' fidgeting caught Remus' attention and the corner of his mouth lifted as he realised what had distracted the women from their sketching. Seeing Remus' eyes flick down to his lap was the last straw and Sirius leapt up and grabbed his robe, muttering a garbled excuse about needing the toilet to a startled Serendipity as he bolted from the room with his cock at an undisguisable half-mast.

'Should I go check on him, Serendipity?' Glenda, who was easily eighty, asked cheekily, trying to keep a straight face. 'He seemed a little…uptight.'

Remus bent his head to hide his grin as the two women cackled in delight, much to the bafflement of their husbands.

'Or perhaps young Remus should make sure he's alright,' Martha suggested, staring at Remus with a knowing expression. 'They seem very friendly…'

This comment garnered another fit of giggles from Glenda and made Remus go as red as a cherry. 'Er, I'm sure he'll be fine to use the toilet himself…he's a big boy…,' Remus began then groaned when Glenda cooed, _'Oh is he now?'_ and the other three women in the class finally caught on and joined in the laughter.

Serendipity, not understanding what was happening, clapped her hands in an attempt to regain control. 'Right, we might finish there for tonight,' she said. 'This was Sirius' last night with us. Next week, we'll be starting with our female model…'

That was all Remus heard as panic flooded him. This was Sirius' last class? The brunette hadn't told him, but Remus admonished himself for not realising that Sirius would only be modelling for a limited time.

_Was that the reason for the 'cupboard wank'? Getting it while the getting's good?_

Remus packed up in silence, his mind whirling as he realised the greater implications for himself. If Sirius was his muse, if he was Remus' inspiration, what would happen once he left Remus' life? Would he go back to being unable to sketch or paint, or had he truly gotten his spark back on his own and Sirius coming along was just coincidence?

Remus sighed, not really believing this was all a matter of good timing - that he'd met the most amazing man who made him feel things no one else had ever made him feel, just as he was getting some kind of talent back. The question was: if Sirius was no longer around, would the talent remain?

'Why do you look so miserable? I'm the one who just gave those old chooks the biggest thrill of the decade?'

The shiver that ran down his spine was visceral and unstoppable. That voice, that bloody incredible, smooth-as-melted-chocolate voice, was going to be his undoing every single time.

'They were going to come and check up on you. I suggested that you'd quite enjoy that, but…' Remus shrugged and looked up to see Sirius grin broadly.

'I wouldn't have minded _you_ checking up on me, Monsieur Lupin,' he said, bumping the other man playfully with his hip. 'Might have saved me from sticking my bits under the cold tap and probably doing some permanent injury to them.'

Remus couldn't help his soft laugh then he drew in a sharp breath when Sirius snuck a hand under the hem of his shirt then stroked a finger along the skin of his lower back, just above the edge of his denim waistband.

'That was your fault, you know?' he whispered into Remus' ear, breath lifting Remus' hair gently. 'I couldn't stop thinking about your fingers, and your eyes…'

Remus felt the other man's tongue skim lightly along the shell of his ear and couldn't disguise his reaction, a tremor shaking him hard. He dropped his pencils and Sirius chuckled, shifting as Remus crouched to pick them up with shaking hands.

'You ready for a drink?' Sirius asked as Remus straightened up.

The other man nodded, unable to trust his voice - fearing anything he said would come out garbled and squeaky.

'I…er…asked a friend to join us if that's okay,' Sirius said, suddenly sounding a bit unsure. 'He got sick of hearing about you and wanted to meet you…shit. Did I really just say that?'

Remus smiled as Sirius turned bright red, unable to believe he'd just admitted he had been discussing the artist with his friends.

'I don't mind,' the brown-haired man said, letting Sirius off the hook. 'I actually asked a friend along as well.'

Sirius raised an eyebrow. 'Protection or approval?'

Remus bit his lip, a flush colouring his cheeks. 'Er, a little of both, perhaps?' he admitted. 'Pete likes to check out any bloke I…like. You?'

'Approval,' Sirius said without hesitation. 'James is my best mate and is always right about the blokes I date.'

'Are…are we dating?'

Sirius turned a deep shade of red then shrugged. 'I'm assuming too much…'

'No, I just…wondered.'

Sirius smiled a little shyly. 'I don't know if Serendipity told you that this was my last class…'

'She did,' Remus said. 'I wasn't sure if…'

'I'd like to keep seeing you,' Sirius interrupted. 'I mean, if you want to?'

Remus grinned, unable to be cool about this, and nodded. 'I want to.'

Sirius smiled as well and helped Remus pack the rest of his supplies, muttering something about getting out of the hall before Serendipity found the soiled robe. As they were leaving, Remus frowned and turned to the brunette.

'This friend of yours - if he doesn't like me, does that mean you won't want to see me again?'

'Course not,' Sirius said. 'He _has_ been right about every bloke of mine he's met so far, but they've all just been flings. You...' He cleared his throat. 'You aren't.'

Remus' face lit up and Sirius beamed at him until he had a sudden thought and frowned. 'What about you? What if your friend hates me?'

Remus smiled. 'Pete hates every friend of mine he meets at first. If he still dislikes someone after a couple of weeks, then I worry,' he told Sirius who nodded then bit his lip nervously.

Remus smiled soothingly at him. 'He'll like you,' Remus assured him, slipping a warm hand into Sirius'. 'How could he not?'

'I hate him.'

'You do bloody not!'

'Alright, I don't _hate_ him, but he's so fucking pretentious.'

Remus frowned. 'Pretentious?' he repeated in disbelief. 'He's just confident and…well, look at him, Pete. He's bloody beautiful, for Christ's sake. And do you even know what pretentious means?'

'It means arrogant arsehole in my world.'

Remus glared at his friend then stood up. 'Tell him I've gone to the loo. Fucking pretentious…where did you even learn that word, Pete?'

'Some nasty book you lent me. Told you no good comes from reading.'

'Tosser!'

Remus made his way through the Friday night crowd at the pub, disappearing into the toilet, Sirius' eyes watching him all the way from the busy bar where he was waiting to order their drinks. The brunette twisted around to look back at the table they'd procured and saw Peter's stony face. He turned back to James who was trying to get the barmaid's attention.

'I don't think Remus' friend likes me.'

'Neither do I,' agreed James, waving his hand at the barmaid. 'He wasn't exactly subtle, was he?'

'You like Remus though, don't you?'

'Er…'

The barmaid made her way over to them then and James placed his order, only to have Sirius pounce once the woman had turned to collect glasses.

'James?'

'Look, I hardly know him, Sirius,' James said. 'He _seems_ alright…a bit on the arty farty side for me, but decent enough I guess. I don't _not_ like him…'

'He's incredible, James! How can you not see that?'

'Because I'm not ruled by my cock?'

'Neither am I. I haven't shagged him...'

'No, just jerked him off in a cupboard.'

Sirius scowled at his friend, wishing he'd never confided in him, then handed the returned barmaid some cash, ignoring her fluttering eyelashes as she handed over their drinks. He was annoyed at James, annoyed at Remus' stupid friend, Peter, and he just wanted to go and drown himself in Remus' kiss again.

He shoved his two glasses at James, who automatically grabbed at them. 'Here. You can take these to the table. I need to take a piss.'

He left James juggling the four beers and pushed a path to the bathroom, bursting through the doors and startling Remus, who was washing his hands. The blue-eyed man smiled at him in the mirror and chuckled.

'You sure know how to make an entrance.'

Sirius grinned and moved swiftly across the room, eyeing off Remus' arse as he did.

'Your friend, Peter, hates me.'

Remus raised an eyebrow and turned around, leaning against the washbasin in a casual, rakish way that surprised, but delighted Sirius.

'Yes, he does,' he said, not bothering to deny it. 'Your friend, James, isn't particularly taken with _me_ either.'

Sirius nodded, a little distracted by a lock of hair that fell into Remus' eyes as he spoke. The artist flicked it back with a toss of his head, the corner of his mouth turning up in a half-smirk as he spoke.

'So? Do we care what they think?'

Sirius' breath caught in his chest as his eyes slid over the long, lean body stretched out in front of him and he forgot all about the two men waiting outside for them.

'Ah, fuck 'em,' he declared recklessly. 'What do two breeders know?'

He had time to see Remus' face break out into a smile before the other man's lips crashed down onto his

When they emerged from the bathroom ten minutes later and sat down at the table, they heard twin snorts of combined frustration and amusement from their friends as they took in their ruffled hair, their swollen lips and flushed faces.

'Don't need to be able to read minds to figure out what you two have been up to,' James scolded. 'For Christ's sake, can't you control yourselves even at a straight pub? You could get your heads bashed in.'

'Chill out, James,' Sirius muttered, sliding into the booth beside his friend, Remus sitting down beside Peter.

James rolled his eyes at Peter, who shook his head resignedly and sipped his beer. 'Peter was saying he's got a season pass to Man United's games,' James said to Sirius. 'We're going to go together tomorrow.'

The other man raised a bored eyebrow and said sardonically, 'Really? How fascinating.'

James pulled a face and leaned across the table, addressing Peter in a conspiratorial mock-whisper. 'Sirius hates football - I have to practically tear his arm off dragging him to watch the reserves team I'm in. He's a lousy friend really.'

Peter laughed. 'So's Remus. He's too busy with his painting to get interested in footy. I know he's a poof, but is there a rule they can't like minge _or_ sport?'

'Oi!' Remus jabbed his elbow hard into Peter's ribs, making the other man wince. 'I don't mind footy.'

'Only because of the sweaty blokes in tight shorts.'

Sirius chuckled, nudging Remus' knee under the table. 'That's the only reason I put up with James forcing me to go to his matches.'

Remus laughed and James and Peter exchanged a tolerant glance, only just managing to refrain from rolling their eyes again.

The next hour passed far more pleasantly than Remus or Sirius had expected after the rough start. James and Peter had hit it off and were trying to outdo each other with increasingly outrageous stories about their best friend's antics in previous relationships. Peter was currently splayed across the booth, laughing his arse off at James' retelling of Sirius' romantic failures.

'And then he looked down and realised it was all down the leg of his jeans and he'd walked home like that…'

James could barely get the climax of the story out between guffaws, an annoyed and blushing Sirius hissing at his friend.

'James, shut the fuck up.'

Remus let loose a snigger then looked apologetic when Sirius rounded on him. He held up his hands defensively.

'Hey, I'm sorry, but it's funny…and you laughed at my…problem…with that Italian bloke.'

'Well, _that_ was funny.' Sirius pouted - _'very prettily,'_ Remus thought - and he reached across the table and patted the brunette's hand, wanting to bring this topic of conversation to an end.

'Sorry,' he said. 'I promise not to laugh at any more of your...er...sexual mishaps.

Sirius muttered something that sounded like, 'Better not,' then laced their fingers together. Remus smiled, his skin tingling at the contact and he pressed their palms together. He heard a gagging noise and turned to glare at Peter, who shook his head.

'Sorry, but I'm not pissed enough to watch you two make puppy eyes at each other.' He downed his remaining half-glass of ale and slammed it down onto the table before standing up and turning to James. 'I'll give you a call about the time for that match tomorrow, James.'

James nodded, finishing his own beer while Peter turned to Sirius. 'Seems you may not be as big of a prick as I first thought.' He held out his hand. 'It was nice to meet you.'

Surprised, Sirius stood and shook hands with Peter who added in a pleasant tone, 'But if you fuck Remus around, I'll wring your poncy neck.'

Sirius' eyes widened, but Peter just gave him a mild smile and hugged a startled Remus quickly.

'See ya, mate.'

'Um, yeah…'

Peter waved and sidled past Remus, disappearing into the ever-growing crowd as James also prepared to depart.

'I'm off as well. Good to meet you, Remus.' James covered his mouth as he burped then offered a hand to Remus, who took it gingerly.

James clapped Sirius on the shoulder firmly and grinned. 'Don't do anything I wouldn't,' he laughed, before he was also swallowed up by the mass of bodies in the pub.

Remus and Sirius stared at each other, bemused, then Sirius let out a bark of laughter. 'Well, that was…'

'Agonising?'

'I was going to say interesting, but your description is more accurate.'

Remus smiled and finished his drink. Sirius watched him with contemplative eyes then, when Remus put his glass down, he leaned forward, knees knocking against Remus' under the table, fingertips touching the other man's. 'You wanna go? I can give you a lift home…and maybe come up and let you sketch me again.'

Remus felt heat spread through his body, beginning where the tips of their fingers touched and moving rapidly through his veins. He saw the hungry expression on Sirius' face and a pleasant, anticipatory shiver shook his thin frame.

'Sure,' he said, the words falling from his lips before he even realised they were forming. 'I'd like that.'


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Seven**

They zigged and zagged quickly through traffic, Remus focusing so completely on upcoming events that he didn't yell at Sirius to slow down. The sensation of the humming machine between his legs and Sirius' strong back pressed flush against his chest, although incredibly arousing, did nothing to ease Remus' anxiety about what might happen once they stopped. His apprehension grew the closer they got to his flat and his stomach churned with nerves.

Sirius had caught him by surprise earlier tonight - grabbing him and pulling him into that cupboard - and, in the dark, Remus had been able to be brave and fearless. But in the cold, florescent light of his flat, he feared his courage would flee. Not because he didn't want the other man - Lord, his reactions to Sirius were entirely elemental; he couldn't have resisted even if he'd wanted to - but where would Remus and his battered heart be once Sirius saw what lay under his shirt?

The scars that littered his body were something _he_ still wasn't used to seeing - the web of jagged lines jolting him each time he looked in the mirror. They were defacements, imperfections that he wished he could erase just as easily as he did for his clients. If they had a blemish, he could just paint it out and leave them unmarred. Remus knew he hadn't been any kind of Greek god before the accident, but he'd been reasonably proud of his lean, lightly muscled body. Now…he could barely look at himself without wincing. He wasn't sure he was ready to expose the raised, still angry looking scars that were scattered across his body to a lover, especially to Sirius - who personified perfection; whose rejection, Remus suspected, might just destroy him. He was becoming far too involved with this man who, really, he knew very little about. Remus knew that he would eventually learn to tolerate, even accept, the scars all over his body, but his heart may not recover so well from the damage Sirius could inflict on it.

_He's becoming too important to me. He's got too much power over me._

The bike turned sharply, pulling into a parking spot directly outside Remus' flat. Sirius switched off the engine and balanced the bike on the kickstand before removing his helmet. He twisted around to grin at Remus who put his feet down flat on the pavement and took off his own helmet, giving Sirius a watery smile. A crease appeared between the other man's eyes.

'Okay?' Sirius asked in concern. Did I go too fast for you?'

Remus tried to warm up his lukewarm smile as he shook his head. 'No,' he insisted. 'No, I'm fine.'

'Am I still invited up?' Sirius asked with a little frown, obviously not buying the forced cheer.

Remus paused a moment then swung his leg over the bike and stood up. 'Of course you are.'

Sirius stared at him for a moment longer then smiled and dismounted the bike, taking Remus' hand and twining their fingers together as he led Remus up the stairs.

They didn't speak, Sirius watching silently as Remus struggled for several seconds to fit the key into the lock for before he put his hand over the artist's trembling one and helped him along.

As Remus pushed open the door and stepped inside, Sirius hesitated. 'Remus, I'll be happy to just have a drink and a chat, you know?' he said. 'I don't want you to feel any pressure…'

Remus sighed and rubbed his hand across his forehead agitatedly. 'I…It's not that…I want...' he stuttered then he sighed. 'Shit.'

He looked up at Sirius' worried face and his chest tightened. It had been a long time since someone had looked at him like that - caring, understanding. He had lived quite a solitary life, immersed in his art, but now that his inspiration to paint had gotten somewhat lost, Remus was realising how much beauty there was away from the canvas.

_I'll never know how good it could be if I don't take a chance._

Making his decision, he held out his hand and, with a quirk of his lips, Sirius took it and allowed Remus to draw him inside the flat and down the hall.

They went straight to Remus' studio and Sirius was startled when Remus spun around quickly and kissed him hard and fast. Sirius barely had time to respond before Remus pulled back, a little breathless and with a dark desperation in his eyes.

'I want to paint you.'

Sirius was surprised by the abruptness of Remus' kiss and the urgency in his words, but he nodded in agreement.

'Nude,' Remus elaborated with the look of a starving man. 'I want you naked.'

Sirius smiled broadly - he had no objection to this. 'Wouldn't have it any other way,'he murmured.

He stripped his clothes off hastily, leaving them in a messy pile on the floor and made his way to the couch. Remus was setting up his easel, hands sure and confident, and Sirius felt a jolt of desire as he watched.

_He is an incredibly sexy man._

Remus wasn't the best looking guy he'd ever been with, but he oozed a raw, primordial sexuality that was all the more attractive because he had no idea he was doing it. Just the artist's scent - a spicy lemon blend combined with oil paint and parchment - could make Sirius dizzy with longing and his intense reaction startled him.

_No one else has ever done this to me. Not even…_

Sirius frowned, refusing to allow his mind to remember that name that he kept firmly in his past. He looked over at Remus who was bending over and rummaging through his supplies.

The brown-haired man looked up just then, peering at Sirius through the curtain of his fringe and his swallow was audible as was his muttered, 'Fuck.'

Sirius was pleased that Remus responded to him as strongly as he reacted to the artist and he grinned mischievously as he threw himself theatrically onto the couch, stretching out his legs and letting his arms fall naturally - one across the headrest of the couch and the other bent behind his head.

'Do you want to come and pose me?'he teased as Remus straightened and cleared his throat.

'Ah, no…that…that is…perfect, actually.'

His blue eyes travelled hungrily over every inch of Sirius' naked body and the brunette could feel his skin heating up under the greedy gaze. It was Sirius' turn to swallow as his mouth and throat went dry and his cock reacted strongly, swelling and lengthening against his thigh. Remus' gaze lingered on the hardening phallus then it flicked up to Sirius' face, taking in the flush of desire colouring the other man's cheeks and the lust-clouded eyes.

'Fucking _perfect_.'

Sirius closed his eyes, thinking of eighty-year-old Martha dressed in a leather corset and whipping her naked hubby to stop himself coming on the spot. Remus' voice…no, his _growl_ …was deep, hoarse and thrumming with want. When he opened them again, Remus' hand was moving feverishly over the sketch pad in front of him.

Sirius didn't know how much time passed - he was too busy watching Remus to keep track. The other man was simply mesmerising and it wasn't until Remus looked up and frowned that Sirius was shaken out of the trance Remus' hands had lulled him into.

'You are…lost your…'

Sirius frowned, then saw Remus' eyes drop to his cock, which, although certainly still turgid, had lost some tumescence as Sirius was distracted by the sway of Remus' hair as he sketched. The brunette looked up and smirked mischieviously.

'Well, what are you going to do about it?'

Sirius' eyes, now a dark, challenging grey, bore into Remus' and he saw the artist lick his lips before he stood and moved slowly to the couch. Remus looked down at Sirius and deliberately let his eyes languidly wander down and then back up the other man's body. By the time their eyes met again, amusement was shining in the blue orbs and Sirius was squirming with hot arousal. Without a word, Remus knelt beside the chair - the corner of his mouth turning up when he saw Sirius' cock immediately twitch with interest. Sirius raised his hips involuntarily and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth as he waited impatiently for Remus to make his move.

When Remus did touch him, Sirius was bemused that those fingers wrapped around his leg instead of his cock. A thumb stroked over the sensitive skin of Sirius' ankle as Remus' other hand moved to a hair-sprinkled thigh. He gripped the limb firmly and adjusted the angle of Sirius' knee before skimming both hands over the long, strong leg. Sirius couldn't help smiling even as he groaned with want: without laying so much as one finger on his cock, Remus had made him as hard as stone.

'That seems to have done it,' Remus said in a gravely voice, glancing from the bobbing cock to Sirius' face.

Sirius' breathing was uneven and his lip trembled as need pulsed through his veins. 'Yes,' he whispered roughly.

Remus pushed himself to his feet then bent and kissed Sirius lightly on the lips. His hand… _accidentally? purposefully?_ …brushed over the tip of the other man's leaking cock and Sirius yelped then bit down on Remus' lip. Remus pulled back, touching his abused lip with the same index finger that had skimmed Sirius cock then, eyes catching and holding Sirius', he sucked the finger into his mouth.

Sirius moaned then when Remus mumbled, 'I can taste you on me,' around the digit, his hand flew to his erection, squeezing the base of the shaft in an attempt to halt the orgasm he could feel coming ever closer.

Remus chuckled when he realised what Sirius was doing and quickly moved back to the easel. 'Not long now. Promise.'

There was a seductive cadence to his voice that did nothing to ease Sirius' discomfiture. Each time Remus' eyes shifted to glance at his body, Sirius got harder and harder until he was whimpering softly and curling his toes in an effort to keep from gripping his own prick and finishing himself off with one little stroke. The only thing keeping him sane was knowing Remus wasn't exempt from feeling a similar pressure; the other man's hand was dropping to his lap more and more, and he was squirming on the wooden stool. This had turned into a battle of wills - who was going to snap and make the first move?

Sirius reached the end of his tolerance when he saw Remus' pink tongue slip between his lips to lick up a bead of sweat that had streaked over his cheek. He groaned loudly then rose stiffly to his feet with every intention of ravishing the teasing artist up against that bloody canvas. One look at Remus, though, revealed that his surrender was redundant - Remus' restraint had broken at the sound of Sirius' guttural groan, and the brown-haired man was already out of his seat and striding towards Sirius with one hand fumbling at his fly. Remus pushed Sirius back onto the couch then fell down onto his knees, gripping the other man's legs and roughly pushing them apart.

'Remus…' Sirius gasped, reaching for the other man and pulling him between his thighs.

_Close…I need him close…_

Blue and grey eyes clashed - Remus whispering, 'You are so fucking beautiful,' before he lowered his head and swallowed Sirius' cock down to the base.

Curses and pleas tumbled out of Sirius' mouth; unheard as every one of the man's senses were entirely focused on his cock and the warm, wet mouth encasing it. Sensation overwhelmed him and Sirius fought for breath as Remus' sweet, sweet mouth slid up and down his shaft. A soft tongue teased his cock head then Remus sucked… _hard_ …and Sirius exploded with a shout, yelling Remus' name as he arched into the tight warmth of his lover's throat. Remus moaned and the vibrations made Sirius' pleasure spike again, drawing out his release until he thought he might die from delectation.

Remus didn't stop sucking or licking at his cock and, as pleasure started to twist into pain, Sirius realised the other man was working his own dick fervently as he licked up every last trace of Sirius' release. A surge of energy suffused Sirius' satiated muscles and he pushed Remus back onto the hardwood floor, making the other man grunt in surprise. Sirius followed Remus to the floor, looming over him as he caught his lips with his own, moaning when his tongue swept over Remus' and tasted his own essence there. Sirius' hand slid between them, shoving Remus' out of the way as he wrapped his own fingers around the long, thick prick. Remus made a groaning noise that sounded as though it had been ripped from him as Sirius slithered down his body. His breath caught as he saw Remus' cock for the first time, and Sirius suddenly had to swallow hard as his mouth began to water.

'Christ, you have a gorgeous fucking prick, Remus.'

Remus made a choking sound, but Sirius ignored him in favour of lowering his face to the tangle of coarse brown hair encircling the phallus and breathing deep, savouring the musky scent of the man who was quickly becoming so very important to him.

'S…Sirius…'

Remus' tongue drew his name out sibilantly then shuddered as Sirius flattened his tongue and licked the artist's shaft firmly from root to tip, following the thick, pulsing vein on the underside of the weeping cock. He swirled the muscle around the head of Remus' cock, flicking it over the ridge then swiping it across the leaking slit at the very tip.

'Sirius…I…close…fuck…' Remus choked out, hands sliding into Sirius' hair.

Sirius closed his mouth around Remus' cock head, suckling gently and revelling in the sharp flavour of the man then, when Remus' hips canted sharply up, he drew the entire, not insignificant length into his mouth. Remus' hands closed tightly around clumps of raven hair and Sirius let out a grunt of pain as the other man pulled on the strands. Luckily for Sirius' crowning glory, a few plunges into that wet heat was all Remus needed, the man arching up and keening loudly as he came powerfully.

Sirius let the spent cock slide out of his mouth then smiled into Remus' hip when he heard the other man gasping for breath, his body heaving in its quest for oxygen. He nuzzled his face into Remus' stomach and felt smooth, raised scar tissue against his cheek. Sirius looked down at the myriad of pink scars that criss-crossed Remus' stomach and hip, a finger following a particularly long one that disappeared up under Remus' shirt. Remus' body tensed under his and hands scrambled to cover the marks.

'Don't…'

Sirius covered Remus' hands with his own, stilling them, then raised his head to look Remus in the eye. The other man's face was panic-stricken and Sirius felt a wave of empathy.

'Remus, it's alright. I've seen them now.' Sirius smiled gently at the man underneath him then shuffled himself higher so he could kiss this man who was bewitching him. 'And I'm not running away.'

His mouth met Remus' and he smiled against his lips. 'See? Still very much here.'

A muscle in Remus' jaw jumped, but Sirius felt him relax slightly and decided to push a little, pulling back to look down at the other man.

'That's why you were so jumpy earlier, wasn't it?' he asked, now understanding the other man's hesitation. 'You were worried about me seeing the scars?'

'They…I'm not used to them yet,' Remus admitted, tugging on the hem of his shirt self-consciously. 'There…there are a lot of them…'

'I don't care, Remus,' Sirius said reassuringly, touching Remus' jaw lightly. 'I like you - it's going to take more than a few scars to scare me off.'

One side of Remus mouth turned up and he bought his hand to Sirius' head, stroking his hair gently. 'Did I pull too hard?' he asked, changing the subject smoothly. 'I can be a bit rough…'

'Mmm, promises, promises,' Sirius said cheekily, then grinned. 'You didn't hurt me. I'm tough. I can take it.'

Remus chuckled and Sirius couldn't help himself, leaning in to kiss him again. He let his lips linger longer this time, finding that he didn't want to break the soft lip lock.

_Fuck, I'm in deep, deep shit here._

Sirius tugged on Remus' hands, arranging their limbs so they were wrapped in the circle of each other's arms, finally releasing the other man's lips to rest his head on Remus' sweat-dampened, fabric-covered chest. He could feel a warmth inside that had nothing to do with lust or desire…this was something much more difficult to deal with, something much harder to acknowledge and something Sirius wasn't quite ready to think about so instead, he focused on practicalities.

'I'm safe, by the way.'

Remus shifted to look at him. 'What?'

'I was tested a month ago,' Sirius told him. 'I'm clean.'

'Oh.' Remus paused then said, 'So am I. Last test was six months ago, but I haven't been with anyone since.'

'I usually use a condom, but you…you surprised me,' Sirius admitted ruefully. 'I didn't even think about it. Sorry.'

'I forgot as well,' Remus murmured, his fingers trailing along the inside of Sirius' arm, making the other man shiver. You just…you're a very good subject.'

Sirius snorted in laughter, kissing Remus on the jaw then pushing himself to his feet. 'Can I see it then?' he asked. 'The sketch?'

Remus, distracted by the wide expanse of creamy skin on display, muttered, 'Er, yeah…'

Sirius walked over to the easel, bending and grabbing his jeans off the floor as he did, smirking when he heard Remus groan. He got one leg in the pants before he looked down at the sketch pad and promptly forgot all about dressing.

'Holy shit,' he whispered then glanced over at Remus who was still laying on the floor buttoning his fly. 'Remus…'

Remus smiled as he stood up and moved to stand beside Sirius. 'Told you that you were a good subject.'

Sirius shook his head, gazing speechlessly down at the sketch. Even his non-trained eyes could tell that this drawing was extraordinary. Remus had captured sensuality, lust, desire, need and a softer emotion that fell into the _'too hard'_ category right now. Each fluid line screamed sexuality. This was the very definition of erotic and Sirius was in awe of the man who had managed to capture these elusive emotions on paper.

'Remus, I…' Sirius shook his head again, his brain unable to string any coherent words together.

'I've still got to finish it off…' Remus said, frowning thoughtfully at the canvas. 'I'd like to use it in the exhibit if that's alright with you. I'll make sure I paint something over your…bits…'

Sirius grabbed hold of Remus' shirt and pulled the other man to him, kissing him hard and deep as his arms wrapped around him. He had to do something with his mouth because the words he'd only ever said once before were about to fall off the tip of his tongue and these were words that went along with that _'way too hard to deal with'_ emotion that kept bubbling up inside him and was starting to scare him to death.

_I am in so much trouble here._


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Eight**

'Don't you have a home to go to, Black?'

_Bugger!_

Sirius coughed, waving his hand frantically to try and disperse the smoke wafting around his head as he quickly squashed the cigarette he'd been smoking in a nearby ashtray. He sat up on the couch, peering over the back of it to see a redheaded woman glaring at him.

'Hey, Lily,' he said. 'Sorry, I didn't expect you to pop around.'

'That's obvious,' she snarled, waving a hand in the smoke-scented air. 'At least it wasn't a joint, I suppose…and I'm _living_ here now, remember? Unlike you - not that you'd know it.'

She stomped into the kitchen and Sirius groaned. He _had_ forgotten that James' fiancée, Lily, had moved in with his best friend a few days ago. He'd been a bit caught up over the last few weeks with what was fast-coming his new addiction - Remus. The other man was at work though, and Sirius - hating to rattle around alone in his own empty, bare flat - had gone to James' flat for refuge. He was now regretting that decision as, realising a lecture was forthcoming and figuring he may as well get it over with, he followed the slightly built woman into the kitchen.

He was correct; the lecture was one of the nursing student's best - touching on the effect cigarettes and his occasional joint would have on his health, his lack of direction in general and more specifically, his miserable job prospects. She then moved onto his unhealthy reliance on James, the fact that she was sick of feeding him and hearing the roar of his motorbike (or 'that death trap' as she referred to it). By the time she finally reached the last subject in her diatribe - his complete reluctance to visit or even acknowledge his estranged family - Sirius had had enough and made a warning sound in his throat. Lily quickly - sensibly - dropped the taboo topic of Sirius family, knowing she'd pushed him too far. The only area of his life she had missed in her rant was his love life, Sirius relieved at the omission until he realised that she was saving what she considered the only positive in his life until last.

'At least your love life is looking up,' Lily said with a suggestive leer she must have learnt from him. 'James said you've got a new bloke. When do I get to meet him?'

Sirius sighed. Remus was the reason for the rarely-indulged-in-these-days cigarette. Sirius only smoked when he needed to keep his mind off other things…and he'd been doing his best not to think of Remus today. Not because anything had gone wrong or they'd rowed…just the opposite, in fact. They were getting along as if they'd known each other forever and had seen each other almost every day in the last two weeks. The problem was that each time they were together, Sirius could feel the other man getting deeper and deeper under his skin and now, in terror, he was trying desperately to halt the freefall by not thinking about the man. He'd even cancelled their date for tonight, claiming a forgotten engagement so he could get some space. Things were getting too intense, too much like something he'd known once before, and he couldn't face those long forgotten emotions…not yet.

_And I haven't even slept with him._

Not that they'd been completely celibate either. A smile curled Sirius' lips as he recalled the hours he and Remus had spent on the couch in the artist's studio in varying stages of undress. The man, who seemed quite timid at first glance, promised to be an enthusiastic and inventive lover - making him all the more attractive to the equally as resourceful Sirius. They seemed to complement each other beautifully in every aspect of their relationship…and it scared Sirius to death. Which is why each time they had begun to get hot and heavy, Sirius didn't mind that the still-self conscious Remus directed them towards blow jobs or a mutual wank. He was afraid to find out how far and how hard he could fall for this man.

'I've only known him a few weeks, Lil,' he said, trying to hose down the woman's exuberance. 'It's early days yet.'

She looked surprised, putting the last of the groceries away. 'James said you really seemed to be hitting it off.'

'We are,' Sirius insisted. 'I just…don't want to…rush anything…it's not…we're not…a couple or anything…'

'What's wrong with him?'

' _Nothing_!' Sirius said indignantly. 'Absolutely nothing. He's…amazing. It's just…I don't…do we have to talk about this?'

Lily stared at him, her green eyes uncomfortably piercing. She had a way of ferreting out the very things you were trying to hide from her and this time was no different.

'You really _do_ like him, don't you?' She grinned suddenly, a little giggle escaping. 'Oh my God! Sirius Black - the all-shagging king of man whores - has got it bad.'

Sirius glared at her. 'You know, Evans, I have trouble seeing what James finds attractive about you.'

She snorted her laughter and turned to get a couple of soft drinks out of the fridge. 'Come and tell me all about it.'

His reluctance must have shown on his face because she raised an eyebrow. 'What? Are you going to talk to James about your boyfriend troubles?'

She had a point - James had a rather delicate stomach when it came to talking about relationships, straight or bent. It had taken nearly seven years for him to propose to his high school sweetheart, Lily. Of course, her ultimatum of _'propose or I'm off to shag my way through London'_ might have had a lot to do with it.

Sirius took the offered drink but refused the offer of a 'chat'. 'He's not my boyfriend, Lily. We're just hanging out…'

Lily cocked her head. 'You've spent every minute with him for the last fortnight - when you're not taking up space on mine and James' couch - and James reckons he hasn't seen you so happy in years…'

'James needs to learn to shut his damn trap,' Sirius grumbled, taking a big gulp of his cola.

Lily bit her lip as she scrutinised Sirius, her face showing the battle going on inside her. Finally, she made a decision and asked, 'Does this commitment phobia have something to do with why you don't see your family?'

Sirius' face darkened and he warned, 'Lily…'

'Your trust issues could stem from…'

'Lily, James loves you which is why you still have all your pretty red hair attached to your head. I will _not_ talk about this with you. Now, change the subject.'

Lily looked mutinous then sighed. 'Fine.' A sly expression spread across her face and she smirked. 'You can help me choose a colour for my bridesmaids' dresses instead.'

Sirius groaned and offered a token resistance, but allowed her to drag him to the couch for the 'girl talk'. Anything to avoid the painful topic of his family and the reasons he didn't care to discuss them.

-

'Thank Christ you're home. I don't think I can stand to talk about corsets or heels or debate the benefits of g-strings versus support garments anymore without my cock falling off.'

James chuckled, throwing his keys and his football kit onto the kitchen counter and grinning at Sirius. 'Lily's home then.'

Sirius groaned and nodded. 'For a couple of hours now,' he confirmed morosely. 'She's been going on about the wedding and throwing in some yap about trust and communication and listening…I tuned out after a few minutes, to be honest, so I'm not sure what else she said.'

Laughing, James grabbed a beer from the fridge and offered one to Sirius, who took it gratefully.

'As I've been very well-behaved and obedient of late, I'm assuming this deep and meaningful discussion about communication and trust was all about you and Remus?' James said, popping the cap of his drink.

Sirius nodded, gulping mouthfuls of bitter ale before answering. 'Yes, and one day when you least expect it, I'll thank you properly for mentioning him to Lily.'

James grinned, sipping at his own beverage. 'So, why aren't you out with him tonight?' he asked. 'I've almost forgotten what you looked like this last couple of weeks you've been so wrapped up in him. Or is that tied up?'

The bespectacled man laughed at his own joke, but Sirius' smile faded and he attempted an evasion. 'How was training today?'

James raised his eyebrows and put on his best commentary voice. 'And Black neatly, but not at all subtly sidesteps the question. But Potter is like a dog with a bone, chasing down answers…not afraid to use force to get what he wants…'

'I hate football.'

'So?'

'So stop using all those analogies and that stupid voice…'

'I mean, 'so why aren't you with Remus', you complete tosser!' James said in exasperation. 'What's happened?'

'Oh.' Sirius shook his head, avoiding James' eye. 'Nothing. Just wanted a night with you guys.'

'Kick you out of bed, did he?' James smirked.

'Haven't been to bed yet,' Sirius retorted and James looked surprised.

'Really?' he asked. 'Normally you've got them on their hands and knees in a day or two…'

'Can we not talk about Remus being on his hands and knees, please?' Sirius begged as the visual image prompted an immediate physical response. 'Not unless you want me to start humping your leg in desperation. That man has a fine, fine arse.'

James grimaced but bravely tackled the issue. 'So he isn't putting out?'

Sirius fidgeted uncomfortably, knowing James would see straight through any excuse he offered. 'It's not…we're taking it slowly, that's all.'

James stared at him in complete disbelief, crossing his arms over his chest as he waited for Sirius to elaborate.

Sirius grunted in frustration and leaned against the fridge. 'I want to, _he_ wants to, I think, but…' He shook his head and James' forehead creased in concern.

'Sirius?'

'It _scares_ me, okay!' Sirius blurted out. 'This… _thing_ between us…I don't…I don't want it. I don't want all this…stuff…again…'

'Sirius,' James said gently. 'Remus would never betray you like they did; like Connor did.'

Sirius turned away from James at the mention of the man whose name hadn't crossed his lips in close to ten years, but James shifted to maintain eye contact. 'I know how hard it is for you to put your faith in someone after what that prick did to you,' he said. 'But don't let Remus get away because Connor was weak. Don't let him or your parents influence your decisions like this.'

Sirius frowned at James and opened his mouth to respond but just then, Lily appeared in the doorway, greeting James effusively. Sirius watched as his friends snogged unashamedly. Despite his teasing that Lily was nothing but a vice around James' balls, he could see how much they loved each other and knew that they trusted the other implicitly with their life and with their heart. They were a perfect fit - and as he watched them, Sirius missed Remus like he'd miss a lost limb. He didn't feel right - hadn't felt right all day, he now realised - and the fact that Remus' absence had a physical and an emotional manifestation within him came as a shock to Sirius. He didn't like this revelation one bit, but he had to see Remus; had to get rid of this horrible ache of longing inside.

He finished his beer and slammed it down noisily on the counter. 'I'm off then.'

James and Lily broke apart and stared at him. 'Where…?' James began.

'I'm off to see Remus,' Sirius told them, trying to sound nonchalant. 'I need a good shag to cheer me up.'

Lily frowned admonishingly, but James smirked. 'Have fun!' he called before he turned back to Lily, sliding a hand up her shirt.

Sirius tried to smile, pissed off at himself for needing Remus like this, and mumbled a farewell before stomping noisily down the stairs. He started up his bike and the tyres screeched as he pulled out onto the street.

~*~

'Oh, it's you.'

Sirius wasn't sure what to say to the less than enthusiastic greeting, but Peter was grinning as he waved him into Remus' flat.

'I thought you might be the booze…ah!'

A pretty woman with dark brown hair carrying two six packs of beer appeared behind Sirius who quickly stepped into the flat to let her through the door.

'Brilliant, Mares. I love you.' Peter kissed the woman on her pink cheek then turned back to Sirius. 'This is my girl, Mary. Mary, this is Remus' bloke, Sirius.'

A shot of mingled panic and joy zipped through Sirius when he heard himself described as Remus' but he just smiled and shook the woman's hand.

'We're cooking,' Peter called back as he walked into Remus' sparse kitchen. 'He doesn't eat properly when he's caught up with work if we don't. He's in the studio. You can tell him dinner's ready while you're there.'

Sirius moved down the hall and knocked on the door to the spare room/studio. There was no answer so he poked his head inside, seeing Remus sitting in front of his easel, attention focused on the canvas in front of him. Sirius quietly walked towards him, stopping when he saw that Remus was working on a painting of him. Sirius smiled, recognising the pose. Remus had taken the sketch from that night Sirius had posed nude and was using it to paint the most fantastic portrait; the colours, the brush strokes, the emotion pouring from the image all combined harmoniously to make the painting incredible and full of life.

Remus sat back just then with a sharp exhale of air and Sirius stepped forward.

'Hi.'

The artist spun around in his seat, smiling broadly when he saw Sirius. 'Hi yourself!' he said cheerfully. 'Didn't think I'd see you tonight; what happened to your plans?'

Sirius smiled and shrugged. 'I'd rather be here, I guess,' he said evasively.

Remus flushed and Sirius clenched his jaw as his stomach flipped, anxiety and anticipation fighting for dominance. 'So,' he said, forcing himself to sound casual. 'This is looking great.'

Remus turned back to the painting and nodded. 'It's coming along,' he agreed, dragging a hand through his hair. 'Did I tell you I got another commission? And, if it's good enough, it can go in the showing first. It's a landscape which is great because that's exactly what I needed to round the collection out…'

Sirius couldn't help himself - Remus just looked so bloody kissable with those pink cheeks and that sparkle in his eyes. He leaned over and kissed those soft lips, effectively shutting the other man up and when he pulled back, he got another breathtaking smile for his trouble.

'It's good to see you, Sirius,' Remus said quietly, standing up and sliding his arms around the brunette's waist. ' _Really_ good to see you.'

Sirius smiled then met Remus' lips with his own, feeling that ache inside ease as soon as he did.

_Fuck. I'm done for._

'Oh sorry.'

They broke apart from a kiss that was promising to lead to interesting things to see a not-at-all-sorry-looking Mary standing in the doorway.

'Peter sent me to fetch you both,' she said, her voice amused. 'Dinner's ready and he's hungry, but a little frightened of what he might find if he comes in here. I, however, was most willing to take the chance on seeing some nudity. Imagine my disappointment that you are both still fully clothed.'

Both men laughed, and Remus gripped Sirius' hand as they walked back to the kitchen.

-

Dinner was pleasant. Mary told them stories about her job as a bartender, keeping them laughing. Peter bored them with a play by play of the last weekends footy match, then talk turned to Sirius.

'What do you do for a job, Sirius?'

The brunette looked at the curious Mary and smiled. 'I'm between jobs right now,' he told her. 'I've done a few odd jobs - bar work, courier work, factory work - but I've never really found anything I'm interested enough to stick with.'

Peter burped loudly then said caustically, 'That go for blokes as well?'

'Peter.'

The warning in Remus' voice was enough to shut Peter up and Mary tried to cover the uncomfortable silence.

'Where do your family live, Sirius?'

Sirius blanched a little. 'Er, here in London,' he muttered. 'I…I don't see them. We…have very different ideas on what constitutes a happy life.'

'You don't see them at all?' It was Remus who asked the question in a gentle tone and Sirius shook his head in answer then changed the subject hastily.

'James wants to get together for a drink, Peter…'

-

Peter and Mary left soon after - the atmosphere a little strained and awkward now - and Sirius made a move to leave as well.

'Do you have to?' Remus asked softly, putting a hand on Sirius' arm. 'Can you stay a while and talk?'

Sirius hesitated then smiled, hanging his jacket back on the hook near the door. 'Sure.'

His heart skipped a beat when Remus smiled and he couldn't work out if he wanted to turn tail and run, or throw himself at the other man and kiss him until he became a part of him. As neither option was acceptable, he followed a beer-totting Remus into the small living room and sat next to him on the couch.

'Tell me about your family.'

Sirius raised a surprised eyebrow. 'You don't beat around the bush,' he said, trying not to bolt from the room.

Remus leaned back against the cushions, his arm resting along the back of the chair. 'Sirius, you've come in my mouth more times than I can count and I don't know the first thing about you. I think it's time we shared more than bodily fluids…don't you?'

Sirius couldn't help his self-deprecating smile and he nodded in agreement. 'Yeah, I guess. You…you go first.'

Remus rolled his eyes at the blatant delaying tactic, but did as he was told, telling Sirius about his parents who were both deceased, his middle-class childhood in Wales, his realisation in his last year of school that his disinterest in women wasn't because he was a dedicated art student with no time to date, but because he was far too interested in men, his move to London and his struggles to gain recognition as an artist.

'Your turn,' Remus said, curling up on the couch an hour and a half later. 'Tell me about you.'

Sirius reached for the last beer and popped the top. He was just about tipsy enough now for this conversation and took a deep breath.

'There's not all that much to tell. I never really got along with my parents - they both came from very strict, religious families and bought us up the same way. I started questioning their faith when they started slagging off James and his parents for not having the same beliefs.'

'Which were?'

'In a nutshell, those who didn't believe as they did, dress as they did, talk as they did, look like they did, didn't deserve to breathe the same air and were going to reside in a fiery hell for all eternity,' Sirius said, trying to keep the depth of his parent's obsession to himself. 'Looking back now, I realise that they were heavily involved in a cult, but at the time it just seemed restrictive…ridiculous. They gave up _everything_ of themselves - their independence, their freedom of choice, their own beliefs - and put their total trust in the complete crap the leader kept spouting. It was part-religion, part-fanaticism and I just couldn't understand how they could put believe in something so intangible and give up their free will, their own minds, in return. Whenever I challenged them, I got a backhander for my troubles.'

Remus looked aghast. 'They _hit_ you?'

Sirius shrugged. 'Yeah. And my brother, but he…' Sirius let out a humourless laugh. 'Maybe Regulus was smarter than me because he just agreed with every word that came out of their mouths; became their golden boy while I was dragged to interventions to try and force me back onto the path of the light.'

Remus looked shaken and reached out, taking Sirius' hand. 'Shit,' he whispered, horrified. 'That's horrible, Sirius.'

Sirius closed his fingers around Remus' and squeezed lightly. 'I left home when I was sixteen,' he continued, leaving a large portion of his story out. 'I told them I fancied blokes and they went mental. Screaming about hellfire and eternal damnation…I went to James' place and stayed there until I bought my own flat.'

It was the truth, but not the whole truth. For that, he would have to be a lot drunker.

'How…?'

'…did a bludger like me afford my own place?' Sirius anticipated the question and smiled at Remus. 'My uncle Alphard - the only relative I could stand - died just after I left home. He left everything to me. It wasn't a fortune, but it was enough to buy my flat and to keep me fed and clothed. I guess that's why I haven't really bothered to settle down to a job. I have enough to get by and if I need more than the doled out monthly allowance, I get some casual work.'

'You don't see your brother?' Remus asked cautiously and Sirius' jaw clenched.

'No,' he said softly. 'Reg…Reg died a few years back. He was doing some recruitment work for the cult and got beaten up by a group of thugs he was trying to convert. Yet another thing those bastards took from me.'

'God, Sirius, I'm sorry,' breathed Remus, shocked. 'I'm so fucking sorry.'

Sirius shook his head, his face grim. 'The idiot told them they were going to hell for the way they lived their lives. They told him that they'd see him there first.' He heard his voice waver and cleared his suddenly constricted throat.

'Sirius…'

Remus shifted closer, one hand snaking around the brunette's neck, tangling in the soft hair at the nape, and laying the other hand on Sirius' thigh. Sirius took a deep, tremulous breath - talking about his family wasn't something he did often and he tried to not think about Regulus' death or…Connor… Those memories in particular were just too painful. But Remus' hands on him were soothing, calming and when he turned his head, he fell straight into those blue eyes and was completely and utterly lost.

'Remus.'

He whispered the other man's name softly, pleadingly, then he leaned in and let himself drown in the deep, comforting kiss that promised shelter from the ghosts of his past.

TBC...


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Nine**

Heavy breathing was the only sound in the otherwise quiet flat, the ragged and rapid inhale and exhale punctuated by the occasional moan. The kiss of comfort and support had grown into something much more and the two men were sprawled out on the two-seater couch, Remus laying across Sirius' chest as they tried to settle into a position that didn't cramp their long legs or result in them landing on their arses on the hard floor.

Sirius arched his back, tilting his head to bare his neck to Remus' wandering lips. Remus mumbled his approval and trailed a moist path down the exposed jugular as his hand slid slowly under Sirius' shirt, dragging up over his belly and the coarse, intriguing hair there, to come to rest over the brunette's frantically pumping heart.

Remus' knee came perilously close to Sirius' balls (and not in a good way) and the brunette shifted then grunted in obvious frustration when his new position meant he couldn't reach Remus' lips.

'Fuck, this couch is too damn small.'

Remus chuckled, pushing himself up on his hands and staring down at Sirius with a glint of both desire and mischievousness in his eye. 'You want to get on the floor? It's not as hard as it looks…'

Sirius hesitated then said softly, 'Or we could go to your bedroom.'

Remus bit his lip indecisively - it seemed the moment had arrived. He wanted this - _really_ wanted this - but the thought of taking his shirt off made him go cold all over. Sirius had seen some of the scars, but not the worst of them. Most of the damage had been done to his chest and upper arms which the other man had not glimpsed yet. He looked at Sirius and saw the understanding in his eyes.

'We don't have to if you aren't ready.'

Remus shook his head. 'It's not that…I want to, I just…'

Sirius raised a hand to Remus' face, tracing the line of the scar on his cheek. 'Don't you think it's time to trust someone with your scars? Aren't you tired of hiding, Remus?'

Remus frowned. He wanted to do this; wanted to do it with Sirius. He'd already seen some of the scars and hadn't run away in disgust, he trusted the other man - despite the fact they'd known each other such a short time - and suddenly, Remus wasn't sure what was holding him back.

Remus pushed himself to his feet and held out his hands to Sirius who stared up at him uncertainly. 'Come on then,' Remus said with a smile. 'You're right. My bed is _much_ more comfortable.'

Sirius compliantly allowed Remus to pull him to his feet and lead him by the hand down the hall to the bedroom, but he balked just as they got to the door.

'Remus, are you sure about this? I don't want to rush you or…'

There were far better uses for Sirius' mouth than talking and Remus decided to demonstrate one of them - pushing the brunette up against the door jamb and kissing him hard. After several seconds, he pulled back and smiled at Sirius.

'I'm sure.'

Sirius grinned and launched himself at Remus, who ended up with his back pressing against the door frame this time as Sirius kissed him with a passion that threatened to engulf them both. With a moan, Remus reciprocated, opening his mouth and returning the hungry kiss.

Sensation swamped him as Sirius' hands swept over his body, finally stopping on his arse, cupping the rounded flesh as he angled his hips to press flush against Remus'. The artist gasped as their denim-covered erections ground together then tugged at the hem of Sirius' shirt urgently.

'Off. Now.'

It was indisputably a demand and Sirius obeyed the rough, desire-edged command - shuddering before he helped Remus yank the shirt over his raven locks. The brown-haired man tossed the blue cotton shirt indifferently on the floor before he crashed their mouths together again; the artist loathe to release those sweet, talented lips for a moment longer than he had to.

They staggered towards the bed, twisting and turning as they struggled to get their shoes off then falling gracelessly to the mattress. Sirius let out an ' _oof_!' sound as Remus landed heavily on top of him, knocking the wind out of him for a moment.

'Sorry,' Remus huffed into Sirius' mouth.

'Fuck sorry,' the brunette returned a little breathlessly, plucking at Remus' shirt impatiently. 'Just get your kit off.'

Remus chuckled and pushed himself into a seated position between Sirius' knees. The prone man's hands went straight to Remus' belt buckle as Remus, hesitating just a second, pulled his t-shirt over his head.

They both stilled, Sirius' fingers lingering over Remus' cloth-encased cock as his eyes took in the torn flesh laid out in front of him. Remus swallowed hard, his throat tight and dry, as he watched Sirius' eyes trace the tributaries of the scars that littered his chest and stomach, all flowing across lightly defined musculature to join the largest of them all - a long, jagged remnant of the sharp glass that had sliced him open and come close to piercing his now-pounding heart. The grey orbs shifted to Remus' shoulder - the left more damaged than the right - and to the cicatrices that trailed like tentacles down his arms.

'Jesus, Remus…'

Sirius' hushed exclamation made Remus curl in on himself, shoulders slumping in an attempt to shield and protect his body, his heart, from rejection, but Sirius sat up, his chest brushing Remus'.

'No, Rem…don't.'

Sirius pressed a palm over Remus' heart and the torn and raggedly repaired skin there, and splayed his fingers over the artist's pectoral. Remus knew Sirius had to be able to feel the rapid rise and fall of his chest and the staccato beat of his heart as he waited anxiously for judgement.

Sirius' gaze moved from his scars to his face and Remus became breathless upon seeing the acceptance and longing in the expressive grey eyes. Sirius skimmed a hand up Remus' arm to touch his jaw lightly, stroking his thumb again along the streak of raised tissue on the other man's cheek.

'I wish I could paint you. I wish I knew how to capture beauty like you can…'

Remus' chest tightened until he felt as though his heart would burst from the pressure then, to his horror, tears burnt his eyes.

'God,' he muttered, turning his head in embarrassment, but Sirius stopped him with a firm hand cupping Remus' chin as hot tears of relief spilled over.

'No,' he whispered, kissing Remus' damp, salty cheek. 'Don't hide from me.'

He rained kisses over Remus' flushed skin until tears turned to into a smile and their lips met in a brackish, sloppy kiss that made them laugh at their lack of finesse. Sirius drew back, staring at Remus fondly as their laughter faded and they were left in an intense moment of honesty, seeing each other laid bare for the first time.

Sirius inclined his head, leaning his forehead against Remus' before he whispered, 'What have you done to me, Remus Lupin?'

Remus' lips twitched and he licked his lips, tasting his tears and a spicy, smoky flavour that was Sirius and he answered quietly.

'Nothing…yet.'

Sirius smiled softly, and ran his thumb over the jut of the other man's collarbone, hearing and feeling Remus' breath catch in his chest.  
'I suspect the things I want you to do to me may be illegal in some counties,' he teased quietly then a faint crease appeared between his eyes. 'You make me…want…'

His voice trailed off and his face appeared strained, as if he were struggling to find the words. Remus trailed fingertips along the smooth skin of Sirius' arms, stopping when his strong hands were cupping the brunette's stubble-roughened jaw.

'What do you want, Sirius?'

Sirius closed the minute distance between their faces, his lips grazing Remus' as he answered.

'You. Just you.'

He brushed his mouth once more over Remus' before the artist caught Sirius' bottom lip between his own. The brunette groaned as Remus suckled on the plump flesh then he slicked his tongue over Remus' upper lip, begging for entry. Remus allowed it, and let himself drown in the hot, hungry kiss, wanting to sink to the bottom and never come up.

But, the need for oxygen soon made itself known and Remus pulled back, gasping for air as his lips glided over Sirius' cheekbone, tongue swiped teasingly at his earlobe, teeth nipped playfully at his jaw. Remus pushed the other man back onto the bed and dragged his hands over his chest, tweaking his nipples then drifting lower and lower until they reach the waistband of Sirius' jeans. Remus' chest squeezed tight as Sirius' hands joined his and they both worked together to rid themselves of the last remaining barriers between them.

Soon their world consisted of lips and tongue and hands and cock as they moved together sinuously, nerve ending singing as sweaty, pre-come-slicked skin slid together smoothly. Harsh gasps and muffled groans rent the sex-scented air as both men got carried away by the wave of all-consuming need that swamped them before Remus managed to raise his head and break the momentum.

'Stop…before it's too late.'

A panting Sirius nodded in agreement then whimpered faintly when Remus pressed hot, open mouthed kisses over his jaw and chin then licked a stripe from the hollow at the base of his throat, over his Adam's Apple to finish at his throbbing pulse point.

'Oh my God…'

Sirius' muttered words were barely audible, but Remus heard them, chuckling into the other man's neck then biting his earlobe lightly.

Sirius groaned and Remus smiled as he shifted his lips lower, feathering tiny kisses along the brunette's clavicle then flicking his tongue at a peaked nipple. The little nub tightened before Remus traversed Sirius' chest and stomach, leaving a trail of kisses behind him, until he was nuzzling his face into his lover's groin. Fingers carded through his golden-brown hair and he glanced up to look Sirius in the eye as he took him into his mouth.

'Fuck _me_!'

The exclamation made Remus laugh around Sirius' shaft and mumble, 'Not yet.'

His words were garbled but Sirius was beyond hearing them anyway. The vibrations from Remus' voice travelled down Sirius' cock, making the writhing man arch up in desperation, his length pushing further into Remus' mouth. Remus made an involuntary choking noise and Sirius, pulling restraint from the deepest part of him, muttered an apology.

Remus lifted his head, Sirius whimpering from the loss of the moist heat, and rasped, 'Don't stop. I want you to fuck my mouth.'

Sirius' eyes seemed to lose focus then Remus lowered his head again and drew the pink, saliva-wet cock back into the hot cavern of his mouth, scraping his teeth gently over the soft, sensitive head before opening his throat for the first inevitable thrust. When it came along with a carnal cry of lust from Sirius, he almost smiled. Sirius' hands grabbed his face in a vice-like grip as he pushed his cock forcefully into Remus' mouth.

Cock throbbing in tandem with each grunted thrust, Remus revelled in the sensation of that hot and heavy weight against his palate and the taste of the viscous fluid that coated his tongue. His hand slid between his own legs and stroked, unable to resist the urgent need to come and come _now_ as he sensed Sirius reaching his peak.

The warning came in the form of a susurrus sound that could have been his name, then Remus' mouth filled. He took it all - the taste of the bitter-sweet offering, and the sound of Sirius' absolute bliss pushing Remus to the edge until he was falling, falling; gripping tight to the body under him as he lost himself inside the kaleidoscope of his climax.

He pitched forward, collapsing heavily onto Sirius' lower body. Sirius' post orgasmic tremors shook Remus as he wearily settled his head between the brunette's hipbone and groin, breathing in the heady scent of sweat and semen with each gasping inhalation. He half-heartedly wiped his come-covered hand on the sheet then felt Sirius' fingers close around his. The brunette applied a little pressure, and Remus smiled to himself as he returned the squeeze.

'Alright there?'

Sirius' voice was hoarse and the volume barely a whisper. Remus nodded, unable to convince his tongue to articulate anything remotely coherent.

Their respiration and heartbeats had slowed from their frantic beat to a normal rate before Sirius spoke again.

'Oops.'

A soft bark of laughter escaped Remus who turned his head slightly to kiss Sirius' abdomen. 'That wasn't what I intended to happen,' he admitted and Sirius chuckled.

'Mmm,' he agreed. 'Not that it wasn't fucking incredible.'

'No.'

'And we've got all night for the main show.'

Remus smiled, stifling a yawn. 'Can't wait.'

SIrius' hands curled into Remus' thick brown hair and gently massaged his scalp, winding locks of hair around his fingers absently.

'That's nice,' Remus mumbled sleepily and Sirius grunted an agreement.

Remus' eyes closed and he soon, he was drifting off to sleep with the feel of Sirius' strong hands in his hair, his velvet soft skin against his cheek, the unique tang of _Sirius_ on his tongue, and the thought in his head that he was very much on his way to being inextricably in love with Sirius Black.

TBC...


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Ten

It was Sirius who woke first an hour later, laying still as he orientated himself then shifting minutely to check on Remus who was still sleeping, splayed across Sirius' lower body and looking like an advertisement for debauchment. Sirius almost moaned at the sight of that long, lithe supine body, and the memory of how much pleasure those hands and lips had given him already made his own body respond enthusiastically, ready and more than willing to return the favour.

He stretched languidly, trying not to disturb Remus just yet. A smile curled his lips as he gazed at the man who'd become his lover and he reached out to brush a lock of hair away from Remus' forehead, the silky golden strands inhibiting his view of that face - those dark eyelashes, that straight, Roman nose, those lips ( _fuck_ , those lips) and firm jaw. Sirius' eyes followed the line of the curved scar on the other man's cheek, fingers itching to do the same. The extent of the scarring to Remus' chest had startled him earlier and his heart had ached for the artist. The level of trust Remus had showed him tonight was almost overwhelming - as was the myriad of emotions that had coursed through Sirius' veins upon realising how much faith Remus had placed in him.

Sirius knew that he was coming to care very much for the man lying across his legs, but the depth of his feelings startled even him and he felt as though he were walking a tightrope with no safety net - scared to death to move in case he fell into the nothingness below.

_Remus would catch me._

The thought flittered through his mind and he knew instinctively it was true. The other man's face hid nothing and Remus just lit up when he looked at Sirius; he saw the affection in his gaze, in his touch, and Sirius knew that he had a similar reaction to the artist. Remus cared for him - as much or even more than Sirius cared for him - and that knowledge was almost as frightening as his own intense emotions.

He wasn't sure he was ready to be responsible for someone else's happiness. He wasn't sure he was ready to allow someone else to have that much control over his happiness, but he wanted Remus so badly that he _ached_ when they were apart. Sirius had sworn to himself a long time ago that he would never let himself feel like this again, but with Remus…

He _wanted_ to let go.

Remus fidgeted in his sleep and the movement shook Sirius out of his reflections. Deciding that he could consider his complex emotional disorder when he didn't have a naked artist spread out on top of him, Sirius shifted focus to his body's growing needs.

_Time for Remus to wake up, I think._

He slid carefully out from under Remus and smiled when the man mumbled an unintelligible complaint as he rolled onto his back and slipped back into slumber. Sirius shifted to his knees and looked down at the bare flesh laid out before him. He stretched out a hand, touching the centre of the largest scar tentatively. The skin was tougher here - thicker - but smooth and Sirius found himself exploring the raised lines, cataloguing them in his head like a cartographer. This was a map of Remus and Sirius took pleasure in learning every path - the rough, the smooth, the up and downs, the tricky bits, and the parts that were simply heaven.

Remus woke quickly, Sirius hearing his breathing quicken as he squirmed under the light, explorative touch, but did not open his eyes until Sirius' tongue joined the journey.

'Sirius.'

The sibilant hiss of his name and the arching of Remus' body told Sirius he was heading in the right direction. He grinned to himself and ignored the blatant request of Remus' weeping cock to hurry the hell up and bypassed the man's groin completely, instead lapping his way down the hair-sprinkled legs. Remus groaned and slapped a palm against the mattress in frustration.

Sirius laughed softly against Remus' calf. 'Patience is a virtue, Mr Lupin.'

'I'm not feeling particularly virtuous right at the moment,' Remus growled through gritted teeth. 'Or very fucking patient.'

With an agility that startled Sirius, Remus grabbed him and flipped them over, looking down at him with what could only be described as a smirk. Sirius, a little breathless, grinned back at him.

'Nice move.'

'Thanks. Physiotherapy left me stronger than I was before the accident.'

Remus' hand was sliding between them; skimming over Sirius' chest, his stomach, his cock, his balls… _oh_! Sirius bit his lip as one of those long fingers that featured prominently in his wanking fantasies circled lightly around the rim of his arsehole. He spread his legs and the corner of Remus' mouth quirked up.

'Wanton slut.'

'Pricktease.'

Remus' smile bloomed into a broad grin and his hand shifted to Sirius' cock. 'What? _This_ prick?' He moved his hand from root to tip in one long, smooth stroke then ran his thumb over the tip. 'I'd _never_ tease this prick. I'm a man of my word, Sirius. If I promise to fuck you until you can't see straight, then dammit, that's _exactly_ what I'm going to do.'

Sirius' breath caught in his chest and his cock throbbed painfully at the thought of Remus inside him. 'And…' He cleared his throat when he heard how strangled his voice sounded. '…are you going to f…fuck me until I can't s…see straight?'

Remus smiled a wicked, promissory smile that sent undulating ribbons of lust down Sirius' spine, before he whispered, 'If that's alright with you.'

Sirius shivered as the words caressed him like a soft touch then nodded vigorously. Remus let out a tremulous breath - making Sirius aware for the first time that Remus' bravado had covered a fear of rejection - and leaned across to the bed side table. After foraging for a moment, he came back with a tube of lube and a cellophane-wrapped condom. Remus flipped the lid of the lube off and Sirius noticed his hands were shaking as he squeezed some clear gel out onto his fingers.

'Rem? Okay?'

Remus smiled bashfully. 'It…it's been a while.'

Sirius ignored the jealousy twisting in his gut as he imagined Remus with other men and reached up, sliding a hand around the back of Remus' neck.

'For me too.'

Remus looked pleased and a bolt of desire made Sirius' skin prickle fiercely. He pulled Remus closer for a kiss that quickly deepened and Sirius could feel himself melting - feel his very bones liquefying - from the heat building in his body. Remus' hands on him set off spot fires all over his skin…his shoulder, his hip, his cock then…

'Oh, God!'

Fire licked at Sirius' insides, rushing through his veins as Remus prepared him, stretched him; the delicious burn of those fingers pushing into him was enough to make Sirius lose his mind, and when long digits teased the bundle of nerves inside him relentlessly, he begged, pleaded…

'Remus, please? Please…'

The artist caught his lips in a searing kiss then pulled back to take care of the matter of protection with unsteady hands. Sirius whimpered at the loss of contact, but Remus was soon back, shoving a pillow under Sirius' hips and smoothing his hands over his thighs as he lifted Sirius' legs over his scar-marred shoulders. The feeling of Remus' fingers inside him was soon replaced as something thicker, blunter, hotter and harder pushed into him and the brunette surrendered himself completely to the other man, to the slow, burning stretch as two became one.

'Sirius…God, _Sirius_.'

Remus gripped Sirius' hips tight as he stilled, seated fully inside the other man, but Sirius barely felt the impressions that fingertips made or the beginning of the bruises that would surely follow. He was lost inside the whirl of sensation and feeling that had swamped him with the joining of their bodies, struggling to keep his head about him, but when Remus began to move in long, sure strokes, he gave up fighting and just let himself go under.

Sirius opened his eyes, not knowing exactly when he had clenched them tightly shut, and watched Remus as they moved together rhythmically, Sirius meeting each fluid thrust with a flex of his own hips. Remus held his gaze, refusing to break it even as he turned his head to rain kisses along Sirius' thigh. They whispered entreaties, hushed directions and pleas, _harder faster yes more oh god,_ and when the angles of Remus' face sharpened, the artist wrapped a strong hand around Sirius' cock and matched the pace of his hips as he stroked.

Sirius could feel the tension inside him tightening, coiling until with one last tug of Remus' hand, one sharp snap of Remus' hips, he broke. The rush of completely carnal pleasure combined with the knowledge that Remus was watching him at his most unguarded, gave his release an intensity that was almost painful in its force. The world went red around the edges as every nerve ending seemed to explode and he spilled over Remus' elegant fingers in powerful bursts.

As he was shivering with the aftershocks of his orgasm, he felt Remus' rhythm falter and he opened his eyes to see the most erotic thing he'd ever laid eyes on. He'd seen Remus come before and it was always incredible to see that mouth open in an 'o', to see that nose crinkle, the eyes clench shut tightly, but this time as Remus' face tightened, his eyes remained open and he stared down hungrily at Sirius. The expression on his face was the most amazing thing Sirius had ever seen and his already strained respiration hitched once more. Hands gripped his hips hard and Remus panted erratically as, with a grunt, he slammed himself inside Sirius and held himself there, gasping out the brunette's name as he came in strong, hot pulses.

A couple more slow, almost lazy thrusts drained the last of Remus' release from him and the artist collapsed on Sirius' chest. Sirius groaned as Remus' spent member slipped from his body, Remus echoing the sound. He rolled off Sirius' chest after pressing his lips to the brunette's slippery, sweaty skin, and sighed in contentment. Sirius smiled and rolled onto his side, sliding an arm over Remus' hips.

'Have I mentioned how fucking awesome you are?'

Remus exhaled in amusement as he rid himself of the condom then turned into Sirius' embrace. 'Never hurts to say it again.'

Sirius grinned. 'Fucking awesome,' he whispered then leaned in for a kiss - intending to give Remus a quick peck, but he somehow ended up breathless with throbbing, kiss swollen lips and wondering sleepily if he could convince his body it was ready for another go already.

His flagging cock and heavy eyelids answered the question for him and he managed to stay awake long enough to murmur a thank you as Remus cleaned him up then drifted off as he was pulled into the warmth of his lover's arms.

~8~

Next time Sirius awoke, he was alone and the sky outside Remus' shabbily curtained window was losing it's velvet darkness and slowly turning grey, like a black shirt that had been washed too many times. He sat up and scrubbed at his eyes before checking the clock that sat on Remus' bedside table.

Four o'clock.

Swinging his legs out of bed, he stretched and padded to the bathroom to relieve himself. Upon his exit, he noticed a crack of light under the door of Remus' studio and, curious, he pushed open the door, blinking a little in the brightness of the room after the gloom of the rest of the flat.

Remus was working on a portrait of half-naked, middle-aged woman and for several minutes, Sirius just stood and watched, amazed as always by how confident and sure of himself Remus became when he painted. The artist always seemed a little uncertain, a little fragile away from the canvas, but here…in his studio…he was the epitome of confidence and strength. Sirius watched Remus brush paint precisely across the canvas; those fingers that had been so adept at bringing Sirius untold pleasure held the thin brush with such grace and assurance that Sirius felt his body stirring at the thought of Remus holding him like that.

'How long have you been there?'

Sirius started then smiled. He'd been so caught up in fantasising about Remus' fingers, he hadn't noticed the man turn towards him.

'Few minutes,' he answered, walking up behind Remus and kissing him on the tousled head. 'This is nice.'

Remus made a harrumphing noise and turned to face the easel, leaning back against Sirius' chest. 'It's alright.' He stared at the painting for another moment then put down his brush. 'She hit on me.'

Sirius blinked, unsure he'd heard correctly. 'Excuse me?'

Remus yawned. 'She hit on me. They all do, but she was particularly insistent. Shoved her hand down my damn pants before I could get away.' He felt Sirius tense and turned around to stare, surprised, at his stony face. 'What?'

'They _all_ hit on you? These… _women_ …that you paint?' Sirius spat out the word 'women' as if it were poison and Remus seemed taken aback by his tone.

'Yes, most of them. Sirius…I don't take them up on it. I rather like shagging men, in case it escaped your notice earlier.'

'You don't _ever_ take them up on it?'

Remus looked bemused as he shook his head. 'I'm not bisexual, Sirius. I don't find women attractive at all. So, no…I've never taken one of them up on the offer.' A slow smile spread across his face, and Sirius felt like the sun had come out. 'You're jealous.'

'I'm not.'

'You are _so_ jealous… _hey_!'

Sirius had grabbed the closest paintbrush and flicked it at him, sending a splatter of tan-coloured paint across Remus' chest. Sirius smirked then gasped when Remus snatched up another brush and swiped it over Sirius' stomach, leaving a black streak across his flat abdomen.

'Give me that,' Sirius growled, wrestling the brush off a laughing Remus. He tore it from his grasp then pushed Remus' hands down as the artist tried to fend him off. 'Right. I'm making sure those birds know exactly who you belong to.'

Remus stopped struggling at that, but Sirius didn't notice - too intent on painting his name in large, block letters across Remus' chest. He was glad to focus on something - his insides were still churning at the thought of _anyone_ shoving their hand down Remus pants. He wanted to mark the man, to make Remus all his, and the intensity of that desire was overpowering and shook Sirius to his core.

He stood back, staring at Remus' chest with the black, bold lettering declaring that the artist was the property of _SIRIUS BLACK_ , but that wasn't enough. He wanted to claim all of the man, to leave a mark that wasn't going to wash away, and his eyes lifted to meet Remus'. He saw the darkened orbs flash with want and he threw down the brush, crushing his lips to Remus' and almost knocking the man off his stool.

The kiss was hungry and urgent and they ran their hands over each other feverishly, trying to touch each other everywhere. Sirius pushed Remus' boxers down and they ground their bodies together, Sirius clutching at Remus' arse to keep the other man close.

'Bedroom,' Remus whispered hoarsely and Sirius moaned.

Remus walked them back down the hall, bumping into walls and furniture before they fell down onto the bed, mouths still connected as they tried to devour each other. Remus pulled back and reached for the drawer. As he withdrew what they needed, Sirius grabbed his wrist.

'I want to fuck you this time.'

Remus made a whimpering noise then nodded and handed Sirius the lube. His shaking hands made Sirius pause.

'You…you've done this before? Bottomed?'

Remus smiled a little weakly. 'Not often. I…I usually top.'

Sirius wasn't surprised. Remus may seem delicate but with his art and in bed, he was in total control. 'Is this alright? I…do both, but I really want…'

_…to make you so entirely mine that you can't ever deny me, deny what we have._

'It's alright.' Remus kissed him hard, muttering, 'More than alright,' into his mouth.

Sirius hastily squeezed out some lube and spent longer than he normally would ensuring Remus was ready, murmuring, ' _I want you, I need you_ ,' into his skin as he tried to cool the heat that was pooling low in his belly.

Finally, Remus batted away his hand with an impatient, 'I'm ready. I want you now,' and Sirius was happy to oblige. He slid home with little resistance and Remus' hips lifted off the bed to encourage Sirius' long, deep thrusts.

Despite the edge having been taken off earlier, Sirius knew he wasn't going to last long; knowing he was one of only a few to do this, to claim Remus like this, was incredibly arousing and his thrusts quickly became erratic. He leaned over and caught Remus' lips in a hot, hungry kiss that knocked him over the edge. Crying out into Remus' wet mouth, he came, riding the waves of sensation that buffeted him.

Sirius stilled, breathing hard, then became aware of Remus' hand moving between them. Shifting, he slid down Remus' body until he could take the hard, leaking cock into his mouth. He pushed two fingers back inside the other man's hot, slippery channel, finding and rubbing the little nub of nerves and watching through his eyelashes as Remus clutched at the bed sheets and spouted gibberish as pure need overtook him.

Suddenly, Remus stiffened and his eyes snapped open. He stared down at Sirius who, as he met Remus' eye, felt his heart stutter then begin to race as something he'd known in his very core for weeks finally slapped him upside the head.

'Sirius…I'm…' Remus whispered, then he was coming, thick and salty into Sirius' mouth, all the while whispering Sirius' name like a benediction.

Sirius kept his eyes fixed on those blue orbs that could never hide anything, and the flash of emotion there during Remus' most revealing moment took his breath away.

Remus was in love with him.

And fuck it all, he was in love with Remus.

_Damn!_

TBC...


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Eleven

Remus woke to warm, wet suction around his cock and a building pressure in his abdomen. He smiled sleepily to himself then moaned as Sirius' tongue traced complicated, erotic patterns over the mushroomed head of his cock. A reciprocal moan made him look down and the sight of his weeping and flushed erection sliding between Sirius' reddened lips was enough to make his stomach tighten and his world narrow until it was just lips and cock and heat. He clutched at raven-coloured hair as he gasped Sirius' name then was swept away into a slow, languid yet intensely powerful release that seemed to both go on forever and finish all too quickly.

As the aftershocks faded, Remus sank boneless into the mattress, trying to catch his breath, then smiled when Sirius' self-satisfied face loomed over him.

'Morning,' he grinned.

'M…morning.'

'God, you're responsive, Remus. Even in your sleep…'

Remus felt heat rushing to his cheeks and Sirius chuckled deep and sexy in his throat as he lowered his head and kissed him, sliding his tongue along Remus' bottom lip until, with a guttural groan, he opened his mouth. Remus could taste himself as well as the stale flavour of sleep on the other man's tongue and he moaned again, carding his hand through Sirius' hair and deepening the kiss.

He had realised last night when he allowed Sirius to take him in a way he'd allowed few to do before, that caring had turned into love. The unexpected turn of events excited him - butterflies fluttering like crazy in his stomach - but at the same time, they'd known each other such a short time it seemed impossible that he could feel this much this soon. Sirius' tongue swept over his and his groan of need reverberated right through Remus' core. His own reactions to Sirius - those incredibly carnal, involuntary, elemental reactions - frightened him and made him dizzy with joy and fear.

Words whispered in his ear last night came back to him… _'mad for you, Rem'_ …as he tried to press closer to Sirius, trying to get inside the other man. Their limbs tangled, bodies touching from head to toe, so close that it was impossible to tell where Remus ended and Sirius began. This _was_ madness - a wonderful, exhilarating, dangerous kind of madness - but Remus welcomed the loosened grip on sanity if it meant Sirius felt the same. And he had reason to hope that Sirius did - the man had painted his name across Remus' chest, for god's sake; possibly the most erotic experience of his life.

Remus could feel Sirius grinding his thick erection into his thigh and smiled into the other man's mouth. Rolling them as one so he was on top, Remus reached down, taking hold of the throbbing shaft and stroking - long and smooth from root to tip, over and over until Sirius was crying out and warm, sticky ejaculate spilled out over Remus' hand. Remus grinned down at the panting man who opened his eyes and smiled back.

'I think…I'm officially…finished…'

Remus laughed and kissed him quickly before rolling off to the side.

'Not for good, I hope.'

Sirius snorted and grabbed the corner of the sheet, wiping himself off. 'No chance. Your arse is far too tempting.'

Remus laughed again then sat up and stretched, feeling his aching muscles flex and his joints pop. 'You want first shower? I'll put some coffee on.'

Sirius nodded, heaving himself out of bed with a grateful groan. 'That'd be great. Thanks.'

Remus stood up and Sirius admired the aforementioned arse before the other man pulled on a pair of jeans and disappeared out the door.

Sirius stretched his full body, arms reaching high, rising to his tiptoes as he catalogued his aches and pains and decided they were more than worth putting up with after last night. He headed to the bathroom, yawning widely as he turned the rusty taps on then holding his hand under the spray as he waited for the water to warm up. He caught sight of himself in the mirror above the hand basin and was startled to see the black smudges all over his chest.

'What the f…?'

He touched a thick blob of the substance and, with a flick, it peeled away from his skin. It was paint and Sirius suddenly remembered writing his name across Remus' chest in the earlier hours of this morning. He hadn't noticed the smeared remains of his handiwork earlier - he'd had other things on his mind when he woke with his morning wood and a naked man beside him - but now he had, he felt a bit odd about it. He knew he had strong feelings for Remus, but to behave so possessively…

He recalled the look on Remus' face last night when he came, remembered his own realisation that he loved this man…and suddenly, that paint smudged across his skin took on all new meaning. It was as though he were marked; marked as Remus' and, although that's what he'd been doing last night to Remus - staking his claim - he wasn't yet prepared to give the other man the same kind of power over him.

He licked his fingers and rubbed at his chest, alarmed when the oil paint didn't lift at all. He scrubbed harder and felt a bubble of panic burst inside him when the smear didn't shift. Grabbing a cake of soap, he jumped into the shower and lathered his chest, using the wash cloth to scour his skin. Rinsing the soap off, he saw he'd made little difference to the paint, and his chest tightened as his breathing became laboured.

Permanent. This was permanent - marking him as belonging to Remus…

There was a time, a long time ago, when he would have given anything for such a bold display of possession, but now it just scared him. This kind of emotion, this strength of feeling, had bought him nothing but pain in his life and last time it had happened, he'd sworn to himself that he would never commit to anything or anyone again - afraid of the hold they would then have over him, afraid that he would be left broken once more.

It hadn't only been his parents' strict beliefs that had estranged Sirius from his family; it was the betrayal of someone else who had proclaimed to love him, who had made promises and declarations that he failed to live up to. It was his parents' sycophantic commitment to an outside force that had imploded his family, that had killed his brother, but their betrayal didn't sting nearly as badly as that of the man who had proclaimed love for him, who Sirius had loved with every part of him.

Love was untenable; intangible and Sirius had learnt the hard way that putting your trust and faith in anything other than yourself caused destruction and pain and he had never allowed anyone to hold that kind of power in their hands.

Not since Connor.

Not until now.

He stared down at the black paint which would not be shifted. It reminded him of that last candle-lit ceremony, of robed figures and rune-like symbols painted all over his body that wouldn't wash off for days, of the words that had fallen from his lover's lips condemning him, reviling him and shattering Sirius' virgin heart.

And the memory of how very much he had hurt in that moment was what drove Sirius out of the shower in a panic, it was that memory that made him find his clothes and dress faster than he ever had before, and that memory that sent him hurtling towards the front door.

'Sirius?'

He spun around in the hall and saw Remus staring quizzically at him.

'Where are you going?'

Sirius swallowed hard, edging backwards towards the front door. 'I…forgot I've got a…thing…I have to go.'

'Oh.' Remus seemed confused, a frown creasing his brow. 'Ok. Um, will I see you later?'

Sirius' back hit the front door and he reached behind him, fumbling with the door knob. 'Er, yeah. I'll call you…'

Remus nodded, the puzzled expression on his face now tinged with concern. 'Are you alright?'

Sirius had the door open and turned to leave, muttering, 'Fine. I'm fine. I'll…see you.' Then he was bolting down the stairs. He could feel Remus' eyes looking down at him from his window as he flung a leg over his bike and sped away.

'So he just…left? You fucked and he left?'

'That's what I said.'

'With no explanation? And he hasn't called?'

'Pete, yes! Do we have to go over it again?'

Peter frowned at Remus who was hunched over on his stool, trying to hide his all-too-obvious hurt over the fact that he had not heard from Sirius for three days. Anger clouded Peter's face and he scowled.

'I told you he was prick, Remus.'

'Arrogant arsehole.'

Peter cocked his head, puzzled. 'Huh?'

Remus sighed and sat up straight, lifting his head and letting Peter see the dark circles under his eyes and his wan face. 'You called him an arrogant arsehole when you met him.'

Peter snorted and lifted his bottle of beer to his mouth as he said, 'Prick, arsehole…turns out I am a pretty good judge of character.'

'Mmm.'

Peter caught the hesitant tone in Remus' quiet hum and glared at him. 'Remus, he fucked you then fucked off. Why are you wasting your time moping over him?'

Remus turned his head, staring blindly out the window and, with the force of a speeding bullet, the truth hit Peter.

'Shit. You love him.' The slight twitch of Remus' head confirmed this theory and Peter let out a loud, frustrated exhale. 'God, Remus. You've only known him a little while. How did you let this happen?'

He was startled when the previously lacklustre man leapt to his feet, his body tensing with repressed anger. 'I didn't fucking plan this, Pete. I didn't mean to do it…it just…'

As quickly as it had come, the anger drained from Remus. 'I thought we were good together. I thought we had something…special, something amazing.' He snorted and kicked the stool out from under him, moving to the small couch and flopping down into it, folding his arms over his chest. 'What the hell was I thinking?'

He rubbed his palm over his chest, over the material covering his ropey scars; the movement not going unnoticed by his friend who knew exactly what Remus was thinking and spoke firmly.

'It wasn't you, Remus. It's _him_. It's something _he's_ lacking…it's not you.'

Remus looked pained, closing his eyes as his heart ached. 'You said it yourself, Pete. He fucked me then left. What am I to think?'

'That he's a fool who doesn't have a clue what he's throwing away.'

Remus smiled and opened his eyes, looking at his friend who was glaring at him through pissed off chocolate-brown eyes.'Thanks, mate.'

Peter shrugged. 'It's true. You're one of the good guys, Remus. You deserve better, and if I happen to run into that cunt I'll make sure he knows how badly he's fucked up.'

Remus' smile faded a little and he sighed, beginning to realise that allowing people to guide him, to influence him was becoming a habit. First Sirius - who he had believed helped him to regain some of the talent he thought he'd lost, and now Peter was giving it a try although at least Peter didn't have his own selfish, shallow motives in mind. It had to stop - he had to learn how to fight back himself.

_Starting with my bloody art._

He frowned at the painting he'd been trying unsuccessfully to complete when Peter arrived. In his agitation over Sirius' absence, he'd only managed a few fitful, unproductive sessions in his studio and had started to wonder if his talent had exited with Sirius that morning.

_Bugger him. I'm not going to let him take that away from me. It's in me to do this - I don't need him to inspire me._

But he wanted him just the same.

Remus realised that while his mind had wandered, Peter was still ranting about what he was going to do to Sirius next time he saw the brunette - some of his suggestions quite inventive. He took a sip of his beer and shook his head.

'No. Just leave it, Pete. It's about time I stopped relying on other people to fight my battles for me. I have to let him go…and if my inspiration goes with him…well, I'll work my arse off to get it back. On my own.'

Peter noted the determined set to Remus' jaw and grinned. 'My baby boy has finally grown up,' he teased good-naturedly. 'I'm so very proud.'

He pretended to wipe a tear away and copped a throw pillow in his face for his trouble. Both men laughed then Peter stood up to fetch another beer.

'I'm glad you're being so philosophical about this, Remus. He's really not worth you thinking about.'

Remus nodded as Peter left the room to fetch more beer; hoping that, one day, he might actually start believing his friend's claims.

'You're a fucking wanker!'

'It's nice to see you too, Lily. You kiss my best friend with that mouth?'

'Better than the shite that spills out of your gob. What the hell do you think you're doing to poor Remus?'

Sirius groaned and stubbed out his fag-end, lighting another immediately. He suspected he would need the additional nicotine to sit through Lily's lecture without clubbing the redhead over the head with one of James' spiked footy boots.

'You don't know anything about Remus and me,' he muttered, drawing deeply on the cigarette and blowing the smoke towards the woman. 'You haven't even _met_ him…'

'The look on your face when you talked about him was enough for me to see that you were head over heels for him and James thinks he's great. Oh, I should have known you'd screw this up. Your idea of a relationship is fucking the same person twice.'

'Are you finished?'

'No, I'm not. Look, I may not have met him officially yet, but James has told me about him, and it sounds like he's a good man, Sirius, and you care for him - even I can see that.'

Sirius opened his mouth to argue with her, but she was too quick.

'Don't try and tell me you don't,' she snapped. 'I've never seen you look that happy before. I don't get it, Sirius. You miss him; you've been moping around here for days - you do have your own home, by the way - and you look completely miserable.'

Sirius looked away, a frown marring his even features. Lily, as desperately annoying as she was, had hit a raw nerve. Since that morning he'd run out of Remus' flat like the world's biggest coward, he'd been craving the other man; craving his touch, his taste, his smell…hell, even just a glimpse of him would go some way to satisfying this hungry monster inside him that screamed in agony as if withdrawing from an addiction.

He needed Remus. He wanted Remus.

_So why the hell aren't I with Remus?_

Sirius knew he'd allowed panic to overwhelm him and felt foolish for his weakness, but he just couldn't put his pride aside, push his fear of needing someone so badly aside, and go back to the other man.

Some of his uncertainty, his misery must have shown on his face because Lily softened, sinking onto the couch beside him.

'Sirius, I know you have trouble trusting other people…I can't blame you after what your parents…' She caught a glimpse of the forbidding expression on his face and hurriedly got to the point. 'But someone like Remus doesn't come along every day; you'd be a fool to let him go because you are too afraid to let yourself trust him.'

Sirius frowned and stared down at his cigarette, absently watching the grey smoke curling and twisting on the light breeze from the open window. He hated to admit the exasperating know-it-all his best friend had chosen to spend his life with was right, but he couldn't deny that: a) his parents and his first love had really fucked him up; b) that Remus was absolutely perfect for him, and c) he was a complete knob for letting his commitment phobia get in the way of being with a man with whom he'd fallen in love.

But he didn't move, didn't rush to Remus' flat to grovel and beg for forgiveness for his utter stupidity.

_Perhaps Lily is right and it isn't Remus I can't trust. Maybe I can't trust my own judgement, my own heart., to make the right choice for me anymore. Perhaps it's me I can't trust._

He glanced at Lily, who wore a smug expression - clearly believing that her reasoned arguments had won her this battle. Sirius, unwilling to allow her to delve into his psyche any further tonight, chose to give her the small victory. He summoned up a smile for her.

'You know, I really hate it when you're right.'

She shrugged self-righteously and stood, flipping her auburn hair over her shoulder. 'Get used to it. I'm rarely wrong.'

'Bint.'

'Arse.'

She poked her tongue out at him and skipped off to the kitchen, barking out an order that ' _if I'm expected to feed you, you can come and peel some carrots_!'

Sirius sighed then pushed himself to his feet, mind drifting back to Remus. Maybe he should go and see the other man - he missed him; he just wasn't ready for what he'd felt the other night, for what he'd seen in the other man's eyes.

But he didn't want to lose Remus either.

Fuck. What the hell do I do?

TBC...


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Twelve

Remus laughed as he raised the beer to his mouth. 'Are you flirting with me?'

Glenda chuckled - a Machiavellian sound if Remus had ever heard one - and tipped her greying head coquettishly. 'Perhaps I am. I do like younger men…they can keep up with me where it counts. So, how about it, young Remus?'

She winked and Remus shook his head, chortling as he drank the dregs of his drink. The entire art class was having a drink at the pub tonight as a farewell. This had been the last of the classes and Remus was surprised to realise how much he was going to miss the elderly couples he'd spent this time with.

'As tempted as I am to take you up on your attractive offer, Glenda, I'm afraid you are lacking something I consider vital in a relationship.'

The elderly woman giggled and finished her vibrant-pink drink. 'Oh, that's right. What is it the young chits say these days? "All the good ones are married or gay"?'

Remus smiled and put his hand gently on her shoulder. 'I think your Bert is a good one, Glenda. If I were a few years older…'

She laughed. 'Mmm,' she said in agreement, standing up and patting his hand. 'And I suppose your young man would have something to say about an old woman in your bed. How is he? I miss pretending to sketch that lovely body of his.'

The laughter faded from Remus' face and one look seemed to tell Glenda that all was not well.

'Oh, have I put my foot in it?' she said, regretfully. 'Remus, I'm sorry if…'

He shook his head, putting his glass down more heavily than he needed to as pain sliced through him. 'Sirius…he was never mine. I thought…perhaps…but…'

Remus shrugged then inhaled deeply, forcing a smile for the concerned looking woman. 'C'est la vie, yes?'

Glenda's already wrinkled forehead creased even more deeply as she sat back down and slid her hand over Remus. 'He hurt you.' It wasn't a question. 'I'm sorry, Remus. The way he looked at you, I was sure that he…'

She must have seen the flash of hurt in Remus' eyes and hastily changed the subject. 'Well, it's just as well then,' she said with finality. 'Now, did I ever tell you about my grandson, Lucas? He prefers the company of men as well and you two would be very sweet together…'

It took several minutes to convince Glenda that although he was sure Lucas was a wonderful man, he preferred to concentrate on his painting for the moment. The date of his showing was bearing down on him relentlessly and, despite his bold statements to Peter that he didn't need Sirius to be inspired, he hadn't managed to paint or sketch anything usable since the brunette's abrupt departure a fortnight earlier.

The representative from the gallery had called around the other day, wanting to see the pieces he intended showing. Remus had seen the hesitation and concern in her face when she saw that he was still two canvasses shy of the number that had been requested and he rushed to reassure her that they would definitely be ready by the due date. She did, however, catch sight of the portrait of Sirius lounging on the couch that he'd shoved to the back of a pile of canvasses he was yet to paint over. He had intended to do it as soon as he realised Sirius wasn't coming back, but he'd been unable to go through with it, ending up sitting and staring at the painted image of the man, trying to figure out why he'd disappeared without a word of explanation.

Unfortunately, the gallery representative had seen the painting for what it was - the best damn thing he'd ever done - and insisted on it being included in the showing. Remus, inwardly gritting his teeth, had capitulated without too much of a fight; it _was_ his showpiece, but he was furious that he wasn't going to be allowed to let Sirius quietly fade from his memory as he'd faded from his life.

'Are you sure, Remus?' Glenda asked, snapping the artist back to the present. 'The best cure for a broken heart is a new love and Lucas is a gorgeous man.'

Remus' chest squeezed tight at the memory of how easily he'd allowed Sirius to get inside him, to own him. And for that mistake he'd paid dearly - his heart, he feared, shattered beyond all repair. No; he wasn't going to let anyone else close enough to see those broken shards.

'I…I'm not…' His words stuck in his throat, voice cracking with the hurt he was trying to suppress. Glenda, face sympathetic, patted his hand.

'Sometimes it takes losing someone to realise how much they mean to you,' she murmured softly. 'Give your young man some time…love is not easy for everyone.'

Remus felt a flare of anger and stood, a little abruptly. 'It wasn't easy for me either, but I didn't run away without a word...'

He realised his voice had risen and bit his lip, fighting down the rage that bubbled inside him - hot like lava - and mumbled an apology. Glenda brushed his apologetic words off then surprised Remus by hugging him around the waist.

'It's been lovely to spend time with you, Remus,' she said, her tone genuinely affectionate. 'And I'm going to be calling you about doing a portrait for me before you get too famous and too busy for old ladies.'

Remus smiled and allowed himself to relax into her comforting embrace for a moment before extricating himself. 'I'll never be too busy for you, Glenda.'

She raised an eyebrow, standing and waving an imperious hand at her chatting husband who obeyed the summons immediately.

'You'll do well, Remus,' she predicted. 'You have passion…and not just for your art.'

Remus frowned and opened his mouth but Glenda got in first. 'Humour an old lady and pretend to listen to my sage advice. He'll be back, Remus. Don't make it too hard or too easy for him, but give him the chance to win you back.'

She put a wrinkled, slightly arthritic hand over his aching heart and smiled at him.

'Give him the chance to fix what he broke.'

The bus ride home was a blur - Remus nearly missing his stop due to his distraction. Glenda had forced him to think about Sirius after he'd spent the last two weeks trying to stop memories of their short time together from crossing his mind. After he hadn't heard from the other man for five days, Peter, unbeknownst to Remus at the time, contacted James Potter who launched into a tirade about what a prat Sirius was and how he had ' _deep-seated issues'_ that if he didn't get over, James would take it upon himself to ' _knock out of his thick, fucking skull'_. Woven through the cursing and the denigrating of Sirius' character, though, was the truth: Sirius wasn't coming back to him.

The worst of it, Remus had thought many times when he'd indulged himself in self-pity, was that he had _no_ idea what he'd done to send Sirius running. He had berated himself for hours for letting Sirius see his scars, but he was fairly sure that the other man hadn't faked his acceptance.

_Although I thought I saw something else in his eyes that night that obviously wasn't there after all._

So the only other explanation was that Sirius had been in it for a quick lay. Remus scowled as he turned the corner onto his street.

_And I was an easy lay. Fuck. I can't believe I let him fool me._

Remus sighed, kicking at a discarded paper coffee cup as he shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his coat. He could feel the scrap of paper there with Glenda's phone number scrawled in spider-like penmanship. Her parting words rankled.

_Give him a chance to make it up to me? To hurt me again? I don't think so._

The voice in his head was resolute and brave, but Remus' shoulders sagged, realising that although his inner self was determined not to allow Sirius a toehold in Remus' affections again, his resolve would no doubt collapse like house of cards if he ever actually saw Sirius once more. The man had some kind of elemental, primal hold over Remus and he knew that it was going to take something drastic to stop himself from falling back into the brunette's arms.

He sighed heavily again, thinking that this wouldn't be a choice he'd be facing anytime soon. Sirius certainly hadn't shown any interest in reconciling and, according to his pissed off best friend, ' _didn't do well with commitment and shit'_. Remus wearily climbed the steps to his flat, his legs feeling as though they were full of cement. A couple of beers usually gave him a pleasant buzz, but tonight the ale was slopping around in his stomach, burning his insides. Suddenly, walking, painting, anything felt like too much of an effort and he flopped down on the couch, slinging his too long legs over the arm of the chair. He couldn't be arsed to get undressed, just toeing his shoes off before letting himself slide into a slumber that he fervently hoped would be free of the spectre of Sirius Black.

Sirius hesitated, fist in the air in readiness to knock on the door that most likely would get slammed in his face. His teeth worried his lip, a lip that was already swollen from similar abuse over the last fortnight. His arm lowered then rose again, hovering uncertainly for a moment before he sighed heavily and let it fall back to his side.

_What the hell was I thinking? Remus won't want to see me - not after my disappearing act._

He wondered if he'd ever regret anything more than he regretted allowing his latent fears to overcome him that fateful morning. He'd run like the worst kind of coward; run away from the only man who'd ever found his way through the thick, carefully constructed barricades and created a niche for himself in Sirius' heart. His behaviour had been no better than that of the man he'd resented for so very long; the man that had treated his heart with the same contempt and carelessness that he had used with Remus.

'No,' he decided. He had behaved worse than Connor ever had. At least he knew why Connor had denied their affair. He had not given Remus any reasons for his departure. He'd left a man who saw him in a way that no one else ever had without a single word to offer as an excuse, a reason, a defence.

_That's because there is no reason or excuse or defence. I've been an arse and I don't deserve for him to forgive me._

But, oh, he hoped he would. He'd been completely miserable without Remus, barely able to find the energy to move off James' couch. Consumed with his memories of the artist, he wanked himself raw most nights as he fantasised about the things they did, the things he'd wanted to do.

It had taken only a few days of half-hearted arguments between his heart and his mind for Sirius to finally, somewhat grudgingly accept that he wanted to be with Remus. He was now sure that he was unequivocally in love with the man and needed to be with him, to touch him, smell him, talk to him, love him. It took more time, and one phone call, for him to actually begin to gather the courage to come and face him.

James had relayed the details of his telephone conversation with Peter just over a week earlier, including the threats on his life, and it nearly ripped Sirius' heart apart to know how much pain Remus was in. It had taken a hell of a lot of alcohol that night for Sirius to stop hearing Peter's words in his head…

_"He's fucking devastated, of course. Over that prick! If he comes anywhere near Remus, James, I'm going to bloody disembowel him!"_

…but all the alcohol in the world couldn't make him forget, and despite Peter's threat of substantial pain and a slow death, he knew he had to face Remus and attempt to explain himself. For the first time in many, many years, Sirius found himself looking to a higher power - not the controlling, demanding God that his parents had tried to force upon him - but a forgiving, understanding deity that would hopefully help him win an audience with Remus so at the very least, he could try and explain his deplorable behaviour.

Lily and James had been incredibly unsupportive of his misery, making no secret of the fact that they thought he was a complete knob for treating Remus like he had, and he couldn't really blame them. His friends had finally softened their frosty stance when Sirius had announced earlier tonight that he was going to see Remus and try to win him back.

_'Took your fucking time,' James grunted, shaking his head in despair. 'You really are a tosser, you know.'_

_'I almost hope he doesn't take you back,' Lily had retorted, glaring at him. 'You don't deserve him, but I suppose that if he rejects you you'd be permanently affixed to our couch so I'll be praying that he somehow manages to see past your utter stupidity and gives you another chance.'_

So he found himself face to face with his former paramour's front door, courage threatening to fail him as his breath came fast and shallow. What if his silver tongue let him down and Remus really did slam that door in his face as soon as he caught sight of it? His heart beat a frantic rhythm as he lifted his arm again.

_Only one way to find out._

His first knock was so faint and gutless that even he could barely hear it. He sucked in a deep breath and knocked harder, firmly and decisively. Squaring his shoulders, he braced himself as he prepared to see Remus once more. Footsteps thudded against the wooden floors, reverberating along the boards. Sirius told himself that those vibrations under his feet were the reason his knees were shaking then he heard the locks on the door click back and his body was suddenly awash with alternating waves of fire and ice. He had a moment to wonder if he was having some kind of attack before the door swung open and Remus appeared.

The artist's little inquiring smile of greeting wavered and his eyes widened slightly, but considering how they'd left things and that Sirius had turned up entirely unannounced, Remus was enviably calm.

'Sirius.'

His voice was low and deep and had that husky, just-woke-up quality that Sirius had jerked off to almost every night as he remembered Remus saying his name just like that in much happier circumstances. Everything he'd wanted to say flew out of his head and he just said what felt the most honest.

'I'm sorry.'

Remus stared at him for several long, excruciating seconds, his face unfathomable, and Sirius felt as though his skin was tightening under the close scrutiny. Goose bumps broke out all over him and every nerve-ending strummed, his entire body hyper-aware of Remus' proximity and on edge because, at any moment, the man in front of him could reject his apology and walk out of his life for good. Unable to stand the silence any longer, Sirius opened his mouth, but before he could say a word, Remus turned on the spot and moved back down the hall.

'Shut the door behind you,' he called back to Sirius, who stood stock still in utter shock for a moment before the screams of his brain to obey Remus' every word finally reached his limbs.

He tentatively stepped into the flat as if the floor were going to open up under him and, as instructed, closed the door quietly behind him before following Remus down the hall. A peek into the living room revealed Remus sitting stiffly on the edge of that tiny couch, hands clasped tightly together. Blue eyes caught grey and Sirius' breath caught in his throat before he managed to get air past the lump that had lodged there, releasing the puff in a shaky exhale which held the barely understandable words:

'I want to explain…'

Remus pinned Sirius with his eyes, the narrowed orbs clearly warning Sirius off coming too much closer, so the brunette sidled over to an armchair and perched on the arm.

'Please?'

'Fine. Go ahead. Explain.'

Sirius' mouth fell open - he'd been expecting more of an argument and was stumped as to where to go from here. Remus lifted his chin, as if preparing for the fight Sirius had anticipated, then unclenched his hands to cross his arms over his chest.

'Well?' he said recalcitrantly, his jaw tight and defiant. ' Go on. You have the floor, Sirius. Use it wisely.'

TBC...


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Thirteen

Now that he had the opportunity to defend himself and his actions, Sirius found that his carefully prepared speech dried up in his mouth. There was no excusing his abominable conduct and he decided that he wasn't even going to bother trying.

'I've been a complete tosser.'

Remus looked at him with an arched eyebrow. 'I certainly hope you aren't pausing for me to object to that statement.'

Sirius bit his lip, jiggling his foot nervously. It knocked repeatedly against the side of the chair, thumping at a rapid tempo. 'No,' he said. 'No, I fully expected you to punctuate that sentence with a fist to my face and I'd certainly deserve it.'

Remus snorted derisively and turned his head to the side, staring out the window. Sirius followed his gaze - the truck driver next door must have been watching television; Sirius could see coloured lights flickering through the grimy, threadbare curtain. His eyes shifted back to Remus. The artist was trying to keep his face blank, but Sirius was agonizingly aware that Remus' cool façade was nothing but a hastily applied mask. Pain pierced Sirius' chest – _he_ had been the one to deepen those lines of exhaustion and stress around Remus' mouth; _his_ actions had put those dark circles under Remus' expressive blue eyes as surely as if he'd painted them on with his own hand.

'How…how are you, Rem?' he asked tentatively. 'You look…'

'I'm fine, Sirius.'

Remus turned back to Sirius, nostrils flaring a little as, for a moment, the cold mask slipped and Sirius caught a glimpse of the bubbling anger behind it.

'Don't worry. I was never going to run off and shoot myself like Van Gogh. Although I've been perfectly miserable without you, unlike poor Vincent, I know the sadness won't last forever. I'll get over you - it will take a while, but you could help speed the process along by giving me some kind of closure.'

Remus blinked and the mask slipped effortlessly back into place. 'So? Why did you leave and why has it taken you a fortnight to find enough moral fibre to come back and explain yourself?'

Sirius stood up, unable to sit still any longer. He tried to recover what he was sure had been a quite poignant speech listing all the reasons Remus should give him another chance, but it seemed it was gone for good. He sighed and began to pace as he sorted through his muddled thoughts for a place to start. Finally, he stopped and looked at Remus, deciding that the only place to start was at the beginning of it all.

'When I was sixteen, my parents took me to an intervention,' he began slowly. 'I'd told them I was gay that day and they had organised an… exorcism of sorts to try and 'release the demon' that they believed had hold over me.'

Remus was watching him closely, face like stone and Sirius took a deep breath before he continued.

'The whole congregation was there, ready to do whatever it took to turn me back on the right path.' His voice was thick with sarcasm and he closed his eyes, recalling what had happened that night. 'My parents had drugged me - something in my drink at dinner, I think. I was conscious, but everything was hazy, like I was looking at myself and what was happening through water or dirty glass.'

He chanced another look at Remus and saw that the other man's brow was creased in concern. Taking that as a positive sign, he kept going.

'They were going to perform a ceremony that they'd tried to do with me once before but hadn't attempted again after I'd begun to fight back. I smashed the jaw of one of the elders when I was thirteen.'

The corner of Remus' mouth twitched at that and Sirius gave him a quick smile before his jaw tensed again.

'But I couldn't stop them this time,' he told him, feeling his body tense as he recalled that night. 'They…stripped me and had me lay on the floor. They had painted all these rune symbols on the floor around me then they reproduced them on my chest.'

His hand fluttered upwards and touched his breastbone lightly and he saw Remus' mask melt completely as he got it.

'The paint…that night…?'

Sirius nodded in confirmation and Remus shifted uncomfortably, frowning.

'The elders - including my parents were all chanting, hoping to drive the spirits out,' Sirius continued. 'When they'd finished, they asked if I still wanted to 'fornicate with my own sex'. I said yes. So they got the belts out.'

'Sirius…' Remus said suddenly, leaning forward with his forearms on his knees. 'You don't have to tell…'

'No, I do,' he said firmly, biting down on his lip.

As much as he hated thinking about this, he knew that this betrayal had been the final straw for him, that Connor and his parents' actions had shattered whatever was left of his faith in other people, and that his trust issues stemmed from this night.

'They thought flagellation would make the devil leave me,' he said softly, the pain of that night coming back as fresh as if it had just happened. 'They all took turns - my mother and father went first, then…the man who took my virginity, my lover, went next.'

Remus' arm twitched and Sirius thought he might reach out, but instead, the artist clenched his hand at his side. Sirius was almost glad - he didn't want Remus to reach out because he pitied him; he wanted him to reach out because he'd forgiven him.

'His name was Connor,' Sirius told him, almost whispering now. 'He was twenty: four years older than me. I fell for him so very hard…'

Sirius frowned, clearing his tight throat as memories of his time with Connor assaulted him. 'We said that we were going to run away together. That's why I was arguing with my parents that day. I'd told them about Connor and me.'

He laughed humourlessly. 'I kept looking for him while they were performing the rituals. I kept waiting for him to come and rescue me, to tell them all that he loved me and that he was taking me away – just like he promised he would.'

Sirius looked at Remus, who was staring out the window, body tense and jaw tight. 'I saw him with the strap and I _begged_ him to tell them all about us.'

Remus' head turned slightly towards him and Sirius knew he was listening.

'He denied it all,' Sirius whispered, swallowing hard. 'He told everyone I was lying about our affair then he beat me with a leather strap until it felt like he'd stripped the skin from my bones and I was screaming for him to stop.'

He sighed heavily, wrapping his arms around himself. 'I eventually gave in. I told them I no longer fancied men then, the next day, I moved in with James and his parents.'

Sirius tilted his head, trying to catch Remus' eye as he spoke. 'I'm not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me or as an excuse for my behaviour, but I just wanted you to know that it wasn't you. I didn't run because of anything you did or because of who you are, I ran because…because I was a bit freaked out by the paint, by the symbolism, I guess. I felt like I was right back there.'

Remus frowned, gazing at Sirius through narrowed, contemplative eyes for so long that Sirius wondered if he should just give up and leave then Remus spoke.

'That's not true,' he said abruptly, startling Sirius. 'A bit of paint reminded you of an experience from nearly ten years ago so you left without a word for a fortnight?' He shook his head. 'I'm not trying to take anything away from what happened to you - that was an horrific experience for you, and for your parents and your lover to have…'

He gritted his teeth for a moment then continued. 'But I don't believe that's all there is to it. I don't think you're telling me everything.'

Sirius bit his lip. It _wasn't_ the whole story. Damn, Remus knew him so well after such a short time. Recounting the tale of his most painful moment was a cinch compared to revealing what he knew Remus wanted to hear, needed to hear, deserved to hear.

'Remus, it…us…we happened so quickly and I was…overwhelmed,' he attempted to explain. 'I felt like it was getting so serious so fast and then I saw the paint and it wouldn't come off - just like the runes - and it felt like I was right back there and that I was about to be hurt all over again.'

Remus shot to his feet immediately and Sirius groaned, knowing he'd worded that badly.

'You…I wouldn't…!'

Remus' indignation was completely justified and Sirius hastily tried to explain.

'God, that came out wrong; that…that wasn't what I meant. I just…I care about you, Remus. Too much and I felt like I couldn't stop it, I couldn't slow it down and…fuck…I was _scared_ , alright. I was in over my head and I was fucking terrified and I ran away like a baby.'

Remus' face screwed up in confusion. 'So… you pissed off without a word and let me think you were only in it for the shag? Because you care about me so much?'

'I know,' Sirius moaned hopelessly, standing up and gazing pleadingly at Remus. 'I know it was stupid and hurtful and idiotic…'

'You must think _I'm_ idiotic if I believe that pitiful excuse,' Remus snarled. 'If you cared so damn much, why not take -oh, say _five fucking seconds_ \- to call the next day and say 'Remus, so sorry, but I'm completely fucked up and need some time to sort myself out. It's not you - it's me. Fucking you really wasn't the _worst_ frigging experience of my life…'

Remus voice cracked on a noise that sounded very much like a suppressed sob and Sirius' eyes burned.

'I'm sorry. Remus, shit. I'm so fucking _sorry_.' He reached out unthinkingly, touching the other man's face and was pushed away. 'Rem, being with you was the best damn thing that's ever happened to me. Sex…it's _never_ been like that before and I know that sounds like a cliché but I mean it. You were perfect; the problem was with me - all me…'

'All you?' Remus snapped. 'Jesus, you are so far up your own arse how you manage to speak through all the shit is beyond me.'

Sirius winced at the harsh words. 'God, this is all coming out wrong,' he said, rubbing his forehead. 'Please, Remus…' He gripped the other man's face hard, resisting Remus' attempts to shake him off. 'I can't put it into words, I don't know how to explain it properly, but I _want_ you. I want you so badly and it scares the hell out of me, but I'm ready. I can _do_ this…'

Remus gave him a shove, surprising Sirius with his strength, and the brunette stumbled backwards.

' _You can do this_?' Remus spat, glaring daggers at him. 'You're _ready_? Why the hell should I believe a word you say? What's to stop you buggering off at the first bump in the road again?' He shook his head, turning his back on Sirius. 'If you think I'm putting myself through all this again, you are more fucked up than you realise.'

'I _won't_ do it again,' Sirius promised, voice desperate as he moved close. He grasped Remus' shoulders and tried to turn him to face him. 'I've been without you now, Remus, and I don't want to do it again; I _can't_ do it again.'

' _Stop touching me_!'

Remus almost screamed the words, swinging around with his arm raised, trying to dislodge Sirius' hands. But as he did, Sirius let go and Remus' fist struck him across the cheekbone. Sirius cried out in pain, raising a hand to his face, and Remus' mouth hung open, shocked at what he'd done.

'Oh, shit.' Remus stared at Sirius as he took his hand away from his face, revealing the already swelling graze there. 'Buggering fuck, Sirius. I'm sorry. Shit.'

He touched the other man's face tentatively, grimacing in sympathy when Sirius hissed at the light touch.

'It's alright, Remus.'

'It's swelling…'

'Only a little. It's not bad…'

'You need some ice or…'

Sirius grasped Remus' hand and held tight, catching his eye. 'It's alright, Remus. I'm fine.' He realised the other man was shaking and pulled him a little closer, cupping his face with the other hand.

'I'm fine.'

They stared at each other, anger and defensiveness having faded away and left behind two men who were tired of fighting their own hearts.

Remus sighed softly, wearily. 'You don't trust me, Sirius. That's why you left. You don't trust me not to hurt you like he did.'

Sirius swallowed hard and shook his head. 'I _do_ trust you, Remus. It's me I don't trust. My judgement, my mind, my heart. I didn't trust what I was feeling, what I knew about you, and I fought it. When I couldn't fight it anymore, I fled.'

'Fight or flight,' Remus murmured, and Sirius nodded.

'But I woke up to myself - finally. I trust in what I feel now. I just hope it's not too late.'

Remus' eyes dropped and Sirius bit his lip. He stroked his thumb across the back of Remus' hand, feeling the fine bones under the skin. This man was so very strong in some ways, and so very fragile in others - and he had hurt him in the worst possible way. Sirius swallowed what little there was left of his pride and asked the question he dreaded hearing the answer to.

'Have I stuffed up too badly? Do you hate me, Remus?'

Remus exhaled - long and slow - and looked up. His eyes were glittering with tears as he whispered, 'It'd be a lot fucking easier if I did.'

Tears stung his own eyes as Sirius released Remus' hand and raised it to join the other, framing the artist's face. Thumbs dragged lightly along Remus' jaw line, the stubble scraping Sirius' skin. Remus clenched his eyes shut, trying to resist the lure of the man he loved, then he groaned and leaned in, Sirius meeting him halfway.

Their lips joined awkwardly, hesitantly at first, the touch firming for a moment before they pulled back. The taste of the other on their lips after going without for so long was intoxicating and, at an unspoken signal, they crashed their mouths back together urgently. Arms wound tightly around each other as their lips bruised and crushed and took - hungrily, needily and suddenly that first kiss had escalated to ' _find a fucking bed NOW'_ '. Remus pushed Sirius against the wall, biting the other man's lip hard and smiling when Sirius yelped and bit him back. Their hands tore at zips and buttons, hastily shoving their pants down to their knees.

'In me now,' Sirius whispered, spinning around to face the wall. 'Nothing but you.'

Remus shuddered and quickly spat on his hand, rubbing it over his throbbing dick before he gripped Sirius' hips and plunged inside, Sirius tensing from the rough entry. Remus gave him a moment to adjust to the invasion, twisting his fingers in Sirius' black locks. He pulled Sirius' head back against his shoulder, latching his mouth onto the exposed throat, the moans that filled the air vibrating through both their bodies.

Remus wrapped an arm around Sirius' waist and withdrew until his cock was almost free from the hot, tight channel before slamming back into the welcoming warmth. It was rough and fast - neither man lasting long. Sirius spilled hot and thick over his own hand first after only a few burning thrusts from Remus. The other man took only a couple more strokes before he gasped out his own release, sucking hard on Sirius' neck as he bucked and shook with the force of his orgasm.

They slid, boneless, down the wall, to lay in a heap of tangled limbs on the floor, breathing slowing as the hands on the mantle clock ticked off each second. The silence wasn't uncomfortable, though, and neither man was in a hurry to be the one to break it. Sirius shifted, kicking his twisted jeans off then his fingers moved to Remus' shirt, pulling it over the brown hair. They worked together to get each other naked, vulnerable, nothing remaining hidden now, then Remus pulled Sirius into a full body embrace, legs and arms twining together. Their foreheads pressed together, breath gently tickling their cheeks for long moments before Remus finally spoke.

'You hurt me.'

'I know.'

'Don't do it again.'

TBC...


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fourteen

_Five months later_

 

'Rem?'

Remus turned on his stool, seeing a sleepy-looking Sirius standing in the doorway. 'Sorry, love. Did I wake you?'

Sirius shook his head, yawning as he padded into the room. 'I woke and you weren't there. I thought you might have been in here.'

He wrapped an arm around Remus' chest and bent to brush his lips over the man's bare shoulder. 'You nervous or just admiring your new studio?'

Remus smiled and leaned back against his lover's firm chest. 'A bit of both,' he confessed. 'I just can't quite get used to all the space here…'

He waved his hand at the room and Sirius raised his head. 'We can swap bedrooms if it's too big. I thought that this room got more light, but…'

'No!' Remus shook his head vigorously. 'No, Sirius. It's perfect.'

Sirius smiled broadly and returned his mouth to Remus' shoulder, feathering light kisses along the curve of his clavicle as Remus surveyed the room.

They had moved the last of Remus' things into Sirius' flat tonight. Remus should have been tired from lugging the couch up the two flights of stairs to his new, more spacious studio (which had previously been the master bedroom), but nerves had overtaken the bone weary exhaustion - his showing was the next evening and the butterflies in his stomach were making him nauseous. The sensation eased somewhat though, as Sirius continued his ministrations, lips forging a moist path over the nape of Remus' neck as warm fingers glided along the hills and valleys of Remus' spine. Remus closed his eyes as those strong hands began to knead the tension out of his back muscles.

It had taken more than one admittedly stupendous shag against the wall to solve all of their relationship problems. They had talked all that night and most of the next day, interspersing conversation with much gentler love making in the more traditional location of the bedroom. Sirius had confided all his fears, his concerns about trusting his own judgement enough to place his heart in someone else's hands again, and Remus admitted his own insecurities about his body had made him particularly sensitive to the other man's rejection.

They spent almost twenty four hours breaking each other down until they were raw and vulnerable then they slowly put each other back together again; emerging more in love with each other than when they'd begun. They agreed to start over, to not allow the previous fortnight's events to colour their future and things had been going so well that when Sirius asked Remus to move in with him a few nights ago, it had only taken the artist about three seconds to say, 'I must be mad, but absolutely yes'. They knew it was fast - Peter and James had both taken each man aside and warned them against taking such a big step so soon - but they also knew it was right. Lily had completely supported them, much to her fiancé's disgust.

_'You're all caught up in the fucking romance and all that shit,' James had warned, Peter nodding agreement behind him. 'Not an ounce of common sense, any of you.'_

Sirius' thumb found a sensitive spot on Remus' lower back and worked it gently. Remus made a little noise low in his throat, feeling Sirius smile into his neck.

'I love that little growling noise you make,' he murmured, lips brushing against the shell of Remus' ear now. 'Drives me crazy.'

'Mmm?' moaned Remus, arching his back a little and tilting his head, encouraging Sirius to take advantage of the easy access to his neck.

Sirius eagerly took what was offered, licking and nibbling his way along Remus' jaw then down until his tongue stroked over the hollow at the base of his throat. Remus' hand rose and tangled in ebony locks as Sirius slowly moved, not letting his lips fall away from Remus' skin for a moment, until he was standing between his spread legs. His mouth then journeyed down Remus' sternum, diverting from its course to tease the already-peaked nipples. As his tongue flicked at the hardened nubs, Remus' breath released in a sharp exhale and he clutched at Sirius' head with both hands.

'God, Sirius…'

The sibilant hiss filled the quiet room, along with the sound of hastened, ragged breaths and soft moans of pleasure and need as Sirius navigated his way across the scar-marked skin. Ever so slowly, he moved lower until he was kneeling before Remus, nuzzling his face into his lover's groin. Remus made a whimpering noise as Sirius took his cloth-encased cock head into his mouth then jerked reflexively as he nearly slid off the stool.

'Sirius…I'm going to fall off,' he muttered, voice harsh with desire then he moaned as sure hands maneuvered his erection out of his boxers.

'Hang onto me,' Sirius murmured, putting his hands over Remus' and sliding them down to his smooth shoulders. 'You won't fall.'

Remus' fingers dug into the ivory flesh as Sirius blew a warm stream of air over the pre-come smeared tip of his cock. He traced the throbbing blue veins with his tongue, leaving cool, damp patterns all over the pulsing shaft, before delving into the leaking slit, lapping up the salty-sweet essence there.

'Fuck. Oh, fuck,' Remus whispered, holding on tight as that tongue circled the ridge of the soft head then sucked the sensitive mushroomed tip into his mouth. Heat suffused Remus and his toes curled against the cool wooden leg of the stool. He shifted on the seat, anxious to feel that hot, moist mouth swallowing him entirely.

Sirius didn't seem in any hurry to oblige him though, content to concentrate his attention on exploring every single crevice and cranny of that bulbous head, until Remus swore loudly and pushed his hips up desperately.

' _Pleasepleasepleaseplease_ ,' he begged breathily and Sirius took pity, finally sliding his lips down, down, down and Remus nearly blacked out from the heady sensation.

The burn of imminent orgasm started all too quickly, before he'd had a chance to really enjoy the amazing feeling of his very talented partner's mouth surrounding him, and Remus reluctantly pulled away, not wanting it to end just yet.

Sirius looked up at him, eyes black with desire and reddened lips glistening with saliva and, when Remus bent to kiss him, his lover's taste. They kissed deeply, Sirius rising to his feet as Remus stood, and they walked backwards to the couch, shucking their clothing along the way. Remus sat on the nubbly couch then gasped as Sirius straddled him, hard cocks dragging over each other deliciously.

'Christ, Sirius,' Remus swore as Sirius reached between them, grasping their cocks in one of his hands and stroking. 'Just get the fucking lube, will you?'

Sirius chuckled low in his throat then leaned over the edge of the couch, rummaging in a yet to be unpacked box of Remus' belongings. 'I'm sure this is the stuff from your bedroom,' he muttered then he grinned, emerging with a small bottle of lube and a condom.

He silently handed them to Remus who smiled so brightly, it lit the room up as thoroughly as if the sun had risen. Sirius nibbled on Remus' neck as the other man lubricated his fingers then he drew in a sharp breath as one by one, long fingers pierced him, stretching him, creating a pleasure/pain burning sensation that was eased with the application of fresh cool lubrication. Remus' middle finger crooked and Sirius yelped as the tip brushed over his prostate, sending a jolt of electricity through his body, hardening his already blood-swollen prick to a painful extreme.

Each brush of his finger over that spongy gland sent Sirius spiraling towards madness until finally he gasped, 'Enough! Now. I need you now.'

The fingers disappeared and, after a moment in which Remus rolled on protection, Sirius grasped the base of Remus' erection, aligning the tip with the entrance of his body and, with a slow, burning slide, they became one.

Remus groaned as Sirius took him inside him, fingers bruising the brunette's hips as he leaned forward and caught Sirius' lips in a long, slow, deep kiss. They moved together sinuously, in perfect tandem as passion and desire began to overtake them. Mouths remained joined as they neared the end, no longer kissing but breathing into each other, breathing _for_ each other.

Rhythmic rolls of Sirius' hip bought Remus to the edge first and he thrust up hard, trying to bury himself as deeply inside Sirius as he could. The tension broke inside him and he called his lover's name, begging Sirius to join him as he spiraled out of control. Sirius did as he was bid, arching his back as he fell, words of affection dripping from his lips as he came over Remus' hand…

'Love you, love you, Remus…'

Sirius fell heavily against Remus' chest, feeling the other man's bruising grip on his hips ease then those talented hands flattened and smoothed over his back, rubbing and stroking as Sirius tried to catch his breath. He could feel Remus' pounding heart against his sweat-slicked chest and he rested his head on the other man's shoulder, listening to the thumping muscle as it gradually began to slow.

'I mean it, you know.'

Remus knew what he was referring to. The words - those three little words - hadn't been said aloud by either of them; determined by unspoken agreement to be unnecessary - they knew what each other felt, could tell with every kiss, every touch, every word. Hearing them tonight, though, was exactly what Remus needed and he was grateful that, somehow, Sirius had known that.

'I know you do.'

Remus felt Sirius smile against his chest and his own lips curved up. Sirius shifted so he could see Remus' face, his grey eyes probing.

'Is it okay that I said it?'

Remus smiled and nodded, pressing a kiss to Sirius' cheek. 'I needed to hear it, tonight. Thank you.' He slid a hand from its resting place over the other man's lower back to tangle in the dark hair at the nape of his neck. His lips dragged over the stubbled jaw to slide against Sirius' mouth.

'I love you too.'

Sirius made a contented noise and bought his own hands to Remus' head, twining golden brown locks around his fingers as they kissed languidly, reveling in the fact they were the happiest they'd ever been.

Almost…

'Remus?'

'Mmm?'

'My arse is asleep.'

Remus broke the kiss, a peal of laughter ringing out as he gazed affectionately at Sirius. 'Bed?' he asked, still chuckling as he rubbed Sirius' buttocks vigorously and the brunette nodded in agreement, kissing Remus once more before they started to unwind their limbs.

888

'Fuck. Fuckfuck _fuck_.'

'Want me to go get Sirius for that?'

'Shut. Up. Peter.'

The blonde chuckled and sipped at his champagne, looking at his nervous friend. 'You're fine, Remus. The paintings look fantastic - although I have an issue with having to look at Sirius' arse and cock everywhere…'

'There are no paintings of his arse or cock!'

Remus glared at Peter who laughed again and finished off his drink. He put the glass firmly on the table and grabbed Remus' shoulders. 'Remus. You've done a brilliant job. The paintings are amazing and everyone will love them. I promise.'

Remus still looked disbelieving and Peter sighed, shaking his head then widening his eyes as he glanced over Remus' shoulder.

'Ah, there you are. Thought you might have done another runner.'

He spun Remus around so he was facing a startled looking Sirius and pushed the artist across the floor until he was standing in front of the brunette.

'Right,' Peter directed, looking at Sirius. 'I've tried and now it's your turn. You somehow managed to talk him into moving in with you after you behaved like a complete baboon so I figure you must be pretty fucking persuasive.'

Both Remus and Sirius' mouths opened to defend their decision to move in together - _again_ \- but Peter spoke loudly over them.

'So, just do that again. Do…' He waved his hands vaguely. '…whatever it is you do to convince him everything will be fine. Just…for the love of all that is good and holy, do _not_ tell me how you do it.'

Sirius pulled a face at the blonde as he exited - making a big production about locking the door from the inside before he let himself out.

'Tact is obviously not one of his prominent personality traits,' Sirius said dryly then he frowned as he saw the sweat beaded on Remus' brow. 'Are you hot? These bloody monkey-suits are like a travelling sauna…'

He tugged at his tie, trying to loosen it a little as he watched Remus, worry starting to leech into his irritated expression. 'Remus? You okay? You look like you're going to be sick.'

Remus just shook his head, his face losing colour with each second and Sirius grasped his arm. 'Come on.'

He dragged him to the bathroom which adjoined the small, private room off the main gallery. The showing artists waited here until it was time for their entrance and Remus had been sequestered here for an hour, nervously waiting for the invited guests to make their way to his display.

'Where are…?' he asked before his throat went dry, but Sirius understood.

'They're all still in the main gallery, but the ushers were starting to herd them this way.'

Sirius wasn't sure how it was possible but Remus lost even more colour - his skin a sickly, grey colour now - and Sirius bent him over a washbasin.

'Splash some water on your face,' he ordered and watched Remus robotically obey.

He'd never seen Remus like this before and he racked his brain for ways to help him chill out a bit. A very effective stress-relieving technique came to mind and he bit his lip. They were in public, but there was no one else in the bathroom and, he checked his watch; there was time.

He waited until Remus had dried his face off then took his hand, pulling him into a cubicle and locking it behind them.

'What are you doing?'

Sirius smirked as his hands reached for the buckle of Remus' trousers. 'What Peter told me to do. I'm relaxing you.'

Remus opened his mouth and Sirius took the opportunity to stick his tongue in it, snogging him hard and fast until the startled man responded. He let himself get caught up in the kiss for a few moments before he got Remus' fly undone then he yanked the pants and boxers down.

Remus gasped as Sirius pulled away and dropped to his knees. 'Sirius, fuck…'

Sirius flicked his tongue at Remus' half-hard cock and peered up at his lover with wide eyes. 'No, love. I'm afraid we don't have time for that.'

He licked a stripe along the veined underside of the swelling phallus, making Remus groan, and smiled. 'But a little stress relief is just what the doctor ordered.'

TBC...


	16. Chapter 16

_ Chapter Fifteen _

 

 

'You look a little flushed, Remus. Are you alright?'

Sirius looked away, hiding his smirk as the showing organiser, Diane, peered at Remus' pink cheeks in concern.

'I'm fine,' Remus said quickly, shooting a glance at Sirius who licked his lips teasingly. 'It's just... a little hot back there.'

Diane smiled then turned to talk to a guest, ushering them towards a nearby painting. Sirius snagged two glasses from a passing waiter and joined Remus, handing him some of the bubbly champagne.

'It did get _very_ hot back there, didn't it?' he said softly, the smug tone still coming through loud and clear. 'They really should do something about that.'

'Shush, you,' Remus scolded, trying to bite his grin back. 'You're a bad influence on me. I'd never had a very clichéd blow job in the loo until you came along.'

'Ah, but you're not truly gay until you've been blown in the toilets, Rem,' teased Sirius. 'At least it did the job - you look much more relaxed now.'

Remus chuckled and nodded. 'I am,' he agreed, gazing fondly at Sirius. 'Thank you.'

Sirius felt his still slightly turgid cock throb when Remus laughed. The artist had offered to reciprocate in the bathroom once he'd caught his breath back, but Sirius refused due to lack of time, and was still aching from his unresolved tension.

'Make it up to me later tonight,' he'd said and Remus had given him a long, lingering kiss as a promissory note.

Now, Sirius shifted until their sides were pressed together and gave his partner's hand a quick squeeze, letting go and moving away before anyone noticed their too-close proximity. He and Remus had agreed that they should play it cool with the public displays of affection whilst at the gallery - ' _just until you get fabulously famous, Remus, then we'll cause a huge scandal by shagging somewhere public_ '.

Remus had attempted a weak argument - citing the paintings he'd done of the brunette as proof of ' _my flagrant gayness_ ' but he agreed to not flaunt their relationship in public. Sirius still had faint marks across his back from leather straps to remind them both that not everyone accepted their relationship as easily their friends did.

He watched now as Remus took a deep breath, and looked around at the people milling about with an alarmed expression. He raised his hand and absently covered the scar on the side of his face.

'You can do this, Remus,' Sirius said quietly and Remus turned and smiled at him.

'You're here,' he said, dropping his hand away from his face to touch Sirius' arm lightly. 'Of course I can.'

Sirius bit his lip, wanting nothing more than to throw himself into Remus' arms, but instead, he cleared his throat and looked around. 'So, are you going to show me around?' he asked.

Remus grinned and nodded.'Sure. Let's start up here…'

'Remus!'

Both men turned at Diane's call. She waved to Remus, indicating he should join her. Remus lifted his hand in acknowledgement and turned to Sirius.

'Coming?'

Sirius shook his head. 'No. You go and mingle with your fans, Renoir,' he said with a smile. 'I'll just wander around and try to find my painting.'

Remus smiled and pointed down the end of the gallery. 'I think it's down there.' He suddenly looked nervous and hesitated before joining Diane. 'Er, there is…more than one painting of you…'

Sirius arched an eyebrow. He knew Remus had done several portraits of him since they'd met, but he hadn't told him that he was including more than one in this collection. And why did he look so anxious?

'Remus!'

He turned and nodded at Diane again then turned back to Sirius. 'I should have told you. I wanted it to be a surprise, but thought I'd be with you and could explain…' he babbled and Sirius shook his head.

'It's alright, Remus. Go - I'll find them.' He shooed Remus away, the artist leaving reluctantly with a final agitated look.

Sirius watched Diane greet him effusively then introduce him to the middle-aged couple she was standing with. Remus shook their hands and Sirius smiled as he watched Remus answer their questions about one of his landscapes - his face lighting up as his confidence grew.

'God, look at you drooling over him! You are _such_ a powder puff.'

Sirius looked over his shoulder, giving James the hairy eyeball then pointedly ignored him, turning to greet Lily with an enthusiastic kiss on the lips.

'How are ya, Lils? Good to see you. You look lovely tonight. Is that a new dress?'

'Alright,' she said, extricating herself from his grip. 'Don't use me as a human shield. Don't you think it's time you two kissed and made up?'

Sirius shot James a hard, appraising look. His best friend had been less than supportive of his and Remus' new living arrangements and the atmosphere between the two had been icy for several days. Sirius hated the distance between them - James was like a brother to him, and their disagreements had never gone on so long before. The bespectacled man looked equally as tired of the argument and, with a grunt, he held out his hand in apology.

'I never kiss on the first date.'

Sirius tried not to smile but failed, grudgingly taking James' hand. 'You'd be ruined for women if I kissed you. I like Lily too much to do that to her.'

James laughed and Lily rolled her eyes at the men's idea of making up. 'Now that the posturing is over,' she said wearily. 'Can we go and have a look at Remus' paintings?'

They walked slowly around the gallery, meeting up with Peter and Mary who were critiquing a portrait.

'He's good, isn't he?' Lily said in admiration, staring at the canvas on the wall. 'I mean, I _knew_ he was, but seeing the paintings here instead of in his flat…'

Sirius thought he should probably be indignant that she'd ever doubted Remus' genius, but he was thinking along similar lines. It was one thing to see Remus working on the paintings, to see them leaning against the wall of his flat; it was completely different looking at them in an actual gallery. It wasn't often Sirius Black felt intimidated, but tonight, he was being forced to take a look at himself and for the first time, he felt completely out of Remus' league. He was an unemployed, disinherited bloke who lived off his dead uncle's bequest; Remus had talent, he had a calling and he, if the comments being flung about were any indication, was on his way to bigger and better things.

Wouldn't he want a partner with as much ambition as himself?

'Sirius…?'

He blinked and turned around, realising the others were moving towards the next painting. Lily was staring quizzically at him and he quickly plastered a smile on his face, pushing his sudden fears away, telling himself he was being ridiculous. Remus loved him and they were perfectly happy together.

However, it was hard to ignore the gnawing insecurity that was nibbling away at him.

Remus smiled politely as the couple moved away, then craned his neck, searching for Sirius.

'Remus, can I ask you something rather…personal?' Diane asked and, swallowing his irritation at the woman's interruption, he glanced at her.

'As long as you don't mind if I choose not to answer,' he returned and she smiled.

'Fair enough. I was curious about your…friendship with the dark-haired young man - your model. Er…Cyrus?'

'Sirius,' Remus corrected, feeling himself tense a little. 'What _exactly_ are you curious about?'

'Are you involved with him personally or is he simply your muse?'

Remus smiled. 'Diane, you saw the display I put together of him. What do you think?'

She grinned and laughed a self-deprecating laugh. 'Yeah, you weren't trying hard to hide it, I suppose, but you never know…artists get very close to their subjects but don't necessarily get involved with them.'

Her smile faded and she looked concerned. 'Remus, some of the people here, while appreciative of the male form in artwork, are not so liberal when it comes to same-sex relationships being played out in front of them in real life. I _know_ it's not right…' she said hastily as Remus opened his mouth. 'But that's the way it is. You are up and coming and, if I'm reading between the lines correctly, I suspect you'll find your rise will be lightning fast after tonight. It's one thing for you to paint men in…seductive poses or, as you've done with your portraits of Sirius, create a story around them, but it's a whole other thing to be…'

'Out and proud? For the story to be true?' Remus suggested, trying to stifle his slow curdling anger.

She smiled sadly. 'Yes. I'm not saying hide it or deny it - there is going to be a lot of speculation after everyone gets a look at those paintings of Sirius - but don't flaunt it.'

She saw the fury that tightened his jaw and put her hand on his sleeve, leaning in close. 'If it's any consolation, I know how you feel.'

She indicated her head towards a blonde woman who was looking at one of his older portraits across the hall. 'That's Jean, my partner. She's a sculptress - a damn fine one too. The artistic community has loosened up since we began dating ten years ago, Remus, but it's a slow process. Don't hide who you are; just remember that the hets don't always like seeing men getting and giving blow jobs in the toilets.'

Remus flushed bright red and Diane laughed then gave him a little push. 'Go and enjoy yourself, honey. Just keep your hands off your luscious boyfriend's arse until you're alone.'

Sirius had made his way to the end of the room, lingering by a sketch of one of Remus' friend's children which was particularly poignant, when he heard Lily's muted squeal of excitement and James' hissed exclamation.

'Shit, Sirius. Get your arse over here and look at this.'

Sirius manoeuvred through the throng and, when he stepped out in front of the final paintings, his breath caught in his chest.

It was him.

All him.

'Jesus, mate!' mumbled James, staring open-mouthed at one of the paintings. 'If you looked at me like this, I might just shag you too.'

Lily and Mary giggled, and Peter rolled his eyes. 'I wouldn't go _that_ far,' he said, then shrugged. 'But these are all brilliant paintings.'

He paused then said with a little sneer, 'You might want to pay particular attention to the third one in case you were thinking of taking off on Remus again, Sirius.'

He took Mary's hand and moved on, James following him as Sirius, choosing to ignore Peter's rudeness yet again, focused on the art.

There were several canvasses hanging here as well as some framed sketches: a chronicle of their relationship so far. A plaque above the art read...

_'There is always some madness in love. But there is also some reason in madness'_

...and Sirius smiled, remembering Remus' refrain when he asked the artist to move in with him.

_'I must be mad...'_

But it was the art that took his breath away. There were sketches from the art class - his eyes, his hands, his mouth and finally the sketch Remus did on the night of their first kiss - a small plaque underneath reading, _'Obsession'_.

The next was the painting of Sirius that led to them both rolling on the floor, mouths desperately seeking a taste of the other. Remus had painted elegantly draped material over his groin, but the expression of want and need and…now he was willing to acknowledge it…love was radiating from the portrait. The brass plaque underneath proclaimed, _'Desire'_.

Then came something different, something Sirius hadn't seen and he knew why Remus had kept it from him.

The third painting was abstract; angry reds and oranges and blacks exploding in rage, the brushstrokes like slashes across the canvas . Sirius didn't need to read the tag to know that this was pure anger and a heavy weight settled on his chest with the visual reminder of how much pain he'd caused Remus. A small, smooth hand slid into his and tightened reassuringly. Turning his head, he saw Lily smiling at him, a sympathetic expression on her face.

'Don't linger over this one, Sirius. That's over now,' she whispered, then lifted her chin towards the last painting. 'Did you know he'd done those?'

'No,' he murmured, moving to stand in front of the last set of paintings.

There were two here - the first showed Sirius sleeping in a rumpled bed that he recognised as Remus' from his old flat. His limbs were sprawled across the space, tangled in the plain white sheets, his hair was scruffy, but his face was serene, peaceful.

The next painting took his breath away once more. Remus had captured him laughing and Sirius wondered if this portrait had been painted from a photograph Remus took of him in bed one night (oh, what a night that was!). Just looking at the painting now made him smile in memory. There was something so unrestrainedly joyful about the expression on his face and Sirius glanced at the plate beneath it to read, _'Love'_ etched into the brass. His vision blurred and Sirius was embarrassed to realise there were tears stinging his eyes.

'Are you alright?'

Sirius took a deep breath and turned to a concerned looking Lily. 'I'm not good enough for him, Lil,' he blurted out. 'He deserves better.'

She frowned at him then narrowed her eyes. 'If this is you having another freak out, Black, I'm going to peel your skin from your bones…'

'No' he insisted, shaking his head. 'No, I love him… I just…' He sighed and turned to look at the portrait again. 'I'm not sure I'm going to be enough for him and I don't want to hold him back.'

Fear rose in his chest, suffocating him. 'God, Lily. What if I'm _not_ enough for him? What if he realises he needs more than I can give him?'

'Sirius…' Lily looked startled and worried as she watched him closely. She'd never seen Sirius like this before and hurried to reassure him. 'Sirius, he adores you. That's so very obvious in these paintings. I don't understand how you can't see that.'

'He's so talented, Lily. He's destined for big things and what can I offer him? I don't have a job, I don't have any ambition or future plans…'

'Sirius, Remus knows exactly who you are…perhaps better than you know yourself. Trust him. Don't bugger this up again.'

They both heard James call out to her and she said, 'Come on.'

Sirius shook his head, regaining some control of himself. 'No, I think I'll stay here a minute,' he said, trying a joke. 'Admire myself for a little longer.'

Lily chuckled then gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder before joining her fiancé.

An hour later, the last of the guests were leaving and Remus barely waited for the door to close behind them before he stripped off his jacked and loosened his tie, popping the top button of his formal shirt.

'That's better,' he moaned, grateful for the cooler air hitting his hot skin. 'Is it hot in here, or is just me?'

'It's all the people - lots of body heat…' Diane told him then she was interrupted by Peter.

'…just like an orgy, Remus,' he said with a big smile, ignoring the squeal of objection from Mary and the expression of disapproval on Remus' face.

He grabbed Remus in a bear hug, lifting him off his feet and making Remus gasp in surprise. 'You did good, mate. I knew you would.'

Remus grinned then accepted congratulations and a kiss from Mary also. James and Lily were next; Lily enthusing about a sketch of some children and James, more subduedly, complimenting a landscape. Remus smiled and thanked them, all the while searching the empty gallery for Sirius.

Peter noticed and said, 'Sirius is still up the back. He can't pull himself away from those paintings of himself - a bit narcissistic, isn't he?'

'Peter…' warned Mary, and the blonde looked chastened.

'Sorry, Remus. We'd better go… Coming to the pub for a celebratory ale?'

Remus shook his head, already starting to move towards the far end of the room. 'No, I'll catch up with you all tomorrow.'

Peter rolled his eyes, but waved goodbye. James said goodnight also and walked out with Peter and Mary, Lily lingering for an extra moment.

'Remus?'

'Mmm?'

'He's a bit…fragile right now. Be gentle with him.'

Remus' eyes widened in dread and he was sure his heart stopped. 'He _hated_ the paintings,' he whispered but Lily shook her head.

'No. No, I think he loves them. It's just…' She stopped then shook her head. 'You need to talk to him, Remus.'

Perplexed, the artist nodded, turning and walking quickly to the back of the gallery annexe where the portraits of his lover were hanging, anxious to feel Sirius' arms around him.

_Fragile? The angry painting - that's what it was. He's upset about it._

He knew he shouldn't have let Diane talk him into including it and swore that he would do anything to make certain Sirius knew that he no longer felt like that, that he no longer dwelled on that brief period of their relationship. The painting had been a release; a chance to get all his anger and frustration out before it ate away every ounce of love he had for Sirius, and he certainly wasn't still upset with the other man. They'd put it behind them now and he was willing to do anything to make Sirius feel secure and strong again.

Anything.

TBC...


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Sixteen

Remus found Sirius sitting on a fabric-covered banquette opposite the paintings of himself. He was leaning back against the wall, jacket draped over the seat next to him and sleeves of his crisp, white shirt pushed up his forearms carelessly. He didn't see Remus; the artist approaching as cautiously as if he were confronting a wild animal. His eyes were focused on the hanging art, his face inscrutable, and the blankness of Sirius' usually expressive face made Remus nervous, despite Lily's assurances that he had liked the paintings. Remus shifted the coat and had sat down before the other man even realised he was nearby.

'Hi,' Sirius said, turning to smile softly with closed lips at his lover.

'Hi,' Remus returned, then he bit his lip, trying unsuccessfully to halt the flood of words that burst from his mouth. 'I should have told you that I'd painted these…given you some warning about what to expect…'

Sirius shook his head, reaching out and grasping Remus' hand in his own warm one. 'I love them, Remus. When on earth did you do them?'

They both turned to look at the portraits as Remus answered. 'That day we were mucking about in bed and taking photographs with the Polaroid camera. The one of you laughing was painted from one of those, but…I couldn't sleep that night and you looked so at peace and… _glorious_ while you were asleep that I couldn't resist trying to capture that.'

Sirius smiled his Mona-Lisa smile again and tightened his fingers around Remus'. 'They are wonderful, Remus.'

Remus stared at Sirius' profile. 'I did the abstract when I was very upset, Sirius…'

'Shush, I know,' Sirius said, waving Remus' explanation aside, but still not looking at him. 'I know how much I hurt you, Remus. I'm not going to pretend it didn't jolt a little seeing it here, but it was my own doing. I'm just glad you had an outlet.'

'What's wrong then?' Remus blurted out, Sirius' unusual placidity worrying him. 'You're…not yourself.'

Sirius twisted to face him. 'I'm just…pondering, I guess. That's what art's supposed to do, right? Make you think?'

'Not if you're thinking of leaving me…'

'God, Remus! No!' Horror was clear in Sirius' tone and some expression finally leeched into his calm façade as he took Remus' face between his hands. 'No, Remus. That's not what I'm thinking. _Never_ that.'

He kissed him, and Remus melted gratefully into the lip lock, into the touch he'd been craving all night. His hands seized Sirius' shirtfront, pulling him closer, then they smoothed their way to the other man's throat, splaying across the exposed skin of Sirius' neck. His thumbs came to rest on the other man's pulse points and he could feel their combined heart beats thumping, pounding through his body as one. Sirius pulled back, resting his forehead against Remus' temple, his hand shifting to slide into Remus'. Their fingers tightened around each others and Sirius clutched the twined hands to his cheek.

'It went well, didn't it?' he asked.

Remus nodded minutely, not wanting Sirius to move away, but he did anyway, shifting so he could see Remus' eyes.

'Want to go out and celebrate?'

Sirius was smiling, but not in the exuberant way he normally would at the thought of a night of boozing, and Remus shook his head.

'I just want to go home. Be with you.'

Sirius' smile brightened his face but Remus could still see lingering doubt and uncertainty in those grey eyes.

Determined to show Sirius exactly how much he meant to him, he murmured, 'Take me home, love,' before he moved it for another kiss.

'Remus? Oh, sorry.'

Both men pulled back, hands falling away from each other as they looked over at a repentant Diane.

'I'm sorry,' she repeated. 'But could I just steal Remus away for a few minutes?'

'Can't it wait?' Remus asked but Sirius shook his head, standing up.

'It's fine, Remus. You go and do what you have to. I'll be waiting for you outside.'

'You're sure…?' Remus began and Sirius nodded, kissing him lightly on the cheek.

'I'm sure. I feel like a smoke anyway.' He nodded farewell to Diane, and Remus watched his broad back until he disappeared around the corner.

Sirius sat side saddle on his bike, sucking on a cigarette as he waited for Remus to finish up. The heavy feeling in his chest had lightened a little once he was out of the gallery and he began to gain some perspective. Remus wasn't going to throw him over - they loved each other. The artist had never worried about Sirius' lack of work…even joking once that it gave them more time to shag. And no matter how huge Remus became with his painting, he knew the man would always be there for him.

He frowned down at his smoking cigarette then, after one last drag, he threw it down onto the pavement and quashed it under his leather shoe with a sharp twist of his ankle. He fumbled in the saddle-bag of the bike for a bottle of water, rinsing his mouth out and spitting into the gutter before he searched his pockets for some gum. Remus, although tolerant of him smoking in the haze of post-coital bliss, didn't like kissing a mouth that tasted like a day old ashtray and Sirius intended on getting plenty of kissing in tonight. He realised what a buzz-kill he was being - this was Remus' big night and Sirius had made it all about him and his feelings.

Determined to make it up to Remus (and at the same time, prove what a great boyfriend he was so that Remus wouldn't start thinking about his lack of ambition), he popped a stick of gum in his mouth and chewed rapidly, watching the entrance of the museum for Remus. He wondered absently what Diane had wanted then his mind shifted to all the ways he was going to show Remus just how much he appreciated him.

A few minutes later, Remus, jacket slung over his shoulder, walked through the gallery doors and grinned at Sirius, who surreptitiously spat out his gum then stood to greet him.

'Everything alright?'

'Yeah,' Remus replied, coming to a halt in front of Sirius. He stretched, his hands reaching for the sky, and yawned. 'She just wanted to let me know how much the paintings that were sold went for…'

Sirius didn't hear the rest, slightly distracted by the intriguing strip of flesh he could see just above Remus' belt as the artist stretched. The sprinkling of hair there made his mouth go dry as he imagined himself falling to his knees and allowing his tongue to follow that sparse trail lower and lower…

'Sirius? Did you hear what I said?'

'Huh?' Sirius blinked and raised his eyes, seeing Remus staring quizzically at him.

'I said…never mind. It doesn't matter.' He stepped closer, reaching for one of the bike helmets. 'Ready to go?'

Sirius grabbed his arm and pulled him closer until their bodies were pressed together. 'Did I tell you how incredibly proud, not to mention turned on, I am to be the one who gets to go home with you?'

'Mmm,' Remus murmured, smirking when he felt Sirius' hardening cock against his hip. 'You didn't mention it actually, although you're making yourself quite clear right now.'

Sirius chuckled and slid his hands over Remus' hips to curl around the curve of his buttocks, pulling him closer. 'Oh, good. I'd hate to be misunderstood.'

He didn't wait for any answer; instead capturing Remus' mouth with his own and kissing him deeply, with all the passion and heat he could muster, as he attempted to put everything he felt for the other man into the lip lock. Remus moaned, his knees trembling under the onslaught of Sirius' lips and he clung to his lover.

'God, are you two exhibitionists or something? Can you only get off if you're getting it on in inappropriate places?'

With a groan, Remus pulled back, but Sirius, glaring at Diane, refused to let him out of his embrace.

'Not a lot of chance of getting off with you around, Diane.'

Remus mumbled an admonishment, but Diane just shook her head. 'Hey, I'm all for a boy sex show, but I think you've chosen the wrong neighbourhood for your first public performance. You're more likely to get stoned than applauded here - and I don't mean stoned in the good way.'

Both men stepped away from each other, looking around the reasonably empty street. They were so eager to get into each other's arms that they hadn't stopped to consider the possible repercussions of getting caught snogging in public. They were usually careful on the street not to show overt affection for fear of copping a mouthful of abuse, but the intensity of tonight had made all their usual boundaries disappear.

'Yeah, we should be more careful,' Remus agreed, regretfully taking another step away from Sirius. 'Let's just go home, yeah?'

Sirius nodded, letting his mind wander as Remus said goodnight to Diane. He hated that it was alright for Lily and James to show affection in public, but that he and Remus could only do it behind closed doors…away from judgemental eyes. It seemed to give weight to his parent's opinions that he and his sexuality were something to be ashamed of. Suddenly, he felt an empathy for Connor that he'd never experienced before. He frowned, not wanting to see things from Connor's point of view after all this time, but he suddenly wondered what he would have done if their positions had been reversed; if Connor was the one being flogged and Sirius had been asked to confess their affair. Would he have admitted it, or would he have lied to protect himself as Connor had? It disturbed Sirius that he honestly didn't know.

Sirius was lost in his thoughts when he felt Remus' hand on his own. He blinked and smiled at the artist who was staring at him in concern.

'Are you alright? I had to say your name three times before you looked at me.'

Sirius nodded again, squeezing Remus' warm hand. 'I'm fine. More than fine.' His smile morphed into a smirk and he brushed the back of his free hand over Remus' crotch. 'Let me take you home and show you just how fine I am.'

Remus grinned and, after a quick look around, pecked him chastely on the lips. They jammed on their helmets and, with a screech of tyres, made their way home.

The front door of the flat had barely closed behind them before Sirius pulled Remus into a searing kiss and pushed him up against the wall. Remus made a noise of surprise, muffled as the sound was absorbed by Sirius' lips, then wasted no time in trying to take control of the kiss. He twisted, surprising Sirius who found himself with his back to the wall and Remus scrabbling at the buttons of his shirt. He chuckled into Remus' mouth then, refusing to give in without a fight, shoved at the other man's chest.

Their mouths devoured each other as they stumbled across the entry hall; Remus ending up right back where he started - wall at his back and Sirius' hands roaming all over his body. Remus tore the last stubborn button completely off Sirius' shirt as he jerked the sides apart then groaned when Sirius' hands rubbed over his erection as the brunette unbuckled his pants.

'Fuck! Sirius…'

Sirius grinned, yanking Remus' now undone pants and briefs down to his knees. 'That _is_ my cunning plan…'

Remus moaned and his own hands busied themselves with Sirius' fly, momentarily losing focus as the other man's hand closed around his shaft and stroked.

'Oh, _fuck_ me,' he whispered urgently.

'Aren't I supposed to say that?' Sirius teased, thumb swirling through the pre-come dripping from Remus' slit before he stuck the digit into his mouth and sucked hard, making Remus see stars.

'No. Fuck _me_ ,' Remus blurted out, giving up on getting Sirius' fly unfastened and shoving his hand down the other man's pants, fingers curling around his length. 'Fuck _me_ tonight. Shove _this_ …' He squeezed Sirius' dick. '…so far up my arse that I'll walk funny for a week. _Please_ , Sirius?'

Sirius' eyes widened in surprise and delight and desire. Remus always submitted willingly to Sirius' occasional request to top, but had never offered himself before, had never begged for it before and Sirius' cock throbbed in approval.

'Really? You're sure?'

Remus nodded then crushed his lips to Sirius'. Sirius wrapped his arms around him and they stumbled as far as the couch, Remus trying not to trip as his pants slid down to his ankles.

He pushed Sirius onto the couch then crouched in front of him. They got Sirius' trousers down far enough to allow his hard cock to spring free and Remus immediately took him into his mouth. Sirius arched up, gasping at the sensation of Remus' tongue tracing the rim of his cock head then delving into the leaking slit in search of a taste of the other man. Sirius felt his cock pulse, impossibly hard now, and it was too much, too good. He tugged desperately at Remus' sandy-brown hair.

'Rem… _stop_! Please, stop or…'

Remus released him then climbed up into Sirius' lap, mouthing the other man's coffee-brown nipples and mumbling, 'Lube?'

Sirius frowned. 'Bugger.'

Remus chuckled and bit down not-so-lightly on a saliva-slicked nub. 'Yes, but not without lube.'

Sirius looked around the living room, promising himself he was going to stock every single room of the flat with bottles of lubrication tomorrow, then he spotted a tube of hand cream Remus had left on the coffee table.

'Thank Christ you never put anything away,' Sirius breathed, reaching for the tube and, with shaking hands, squeezing some out onto his fingers.

He reluctantly pushed Remus off his lap and onto the couch, smiling a wicked smile as he ordered the artist to 'get on your knees and lean over the arm'.

He saw Remus' shiver of need as the man scrambled to obey. He admired the artist's pale, well formed arse for a moment then flattened his palms against the soft globes. Remus sighed as Sirius trailed his hands over his arse and under the other man's half-undone shirt, pushing it over Remus' head to pool on the floor. Sirius shifted until his hard cock was rubbing along the crack of Remus' arse, both men groaning at the sensation of hard on soft, then leaned over the submitting man.

His mouth came down on the nape of Remus' neck, teeth scraping the sensitive skin there. Every inch of his body from knee to nose, was in contact with Remus' and Sirius took a moment to marvel at how well they fit together - as if their angles and planes had been carved out with each other in mind. Sliding his hands over Remus' back, he luxuriated in the softness of the skin, the undulation of the firm muscles that lay just beneath the surface.

Remus arched like a cat into the caress, and Sirius stroked a hand down the knobbly ridges of the artist's spine; following the corrugated column until he reached the slightly concave triangle where back blended into buttocks. Thumbs rubbed in a firm, concentric motion and Remus groaned in appreciation: sitting on a stool painting all day put pressure on his coccyx and Sirius knew just how to loosen those tightened tendons. But a massage wasn't what Remus was interested in and, after a minute enjoying the ministrations, he canted his hips, pushing his arse back and making Sirius chuckle deep in his chest.

'Eager, aren't we?'

'Will you just get on with it?' Remus growled then he stifled a moan as those very adept fingers trailed casually down his crack. 'Bloody hell!'

Sirius pressed open mouthed kisses down Remus' backbone, letting his tongue follow the rise and fall of the vertebrae, tasting soap and sweat and a tang that was distinctly Remus. His still-slick fingers slid between Remus' legs, massaging the perineum with one hand and rolling each testis carefully in the other. Remus' hips jerked rhythmically against the arm of the couch and Sirius felt the sac tighten in his hand.

'No you don't, Lupin,' he muttered and tugged a little sharply at the other man's balls as he bit him - not gently - on the arse.

' _Ow_! Fuck, Sirius…'

'I'm going to fuck you, alright, and you are not to come until I've had my fill. Understand?'

'You're taking this dominant thing a bit too seriously, love.'

'Hush,' Sirius scolded playfully, dipping his head to kiss along the curve of Remus' buttock. 'I'm making the most of it - _you_ are a much more demanding top, you know.'

Remus mumbled something incoherent, but Sirius had lost interest in the conversation, instead licking along the line of the other man's arse crack. Remus moaned and pushed back impatiently again. This time, though, Sirius was too anxious to move things along himself to admonish the other man, spreading Remus' buttocks apart and flattening his tongue against the exposed pucker.

'Oh sweet Jesus…Sirius…fuck…'

Sirius' tongue and fingers joined forces to prepare Remus who was a writhing, pleading mess by the time Sirius donned a condom (found, amid much praying and cursing, in Remus' wallet) and entered him in one smooth thrust.

Fire blazed through Remus' entire body and he clenched his teeth to stop his cry. But Sirius held himself still, hands reaching out to stroke Remus' cock. The burn soon morphed into pleasure and Remus began to rock back against his lover.

'Move, please…God, move.'

Sirius did, carefully, slowly at first, then after Remus threatened, 'I'll never let you top again if you don't fuck me now!' he lost control, slamming into Remus' tight channel with abandon. He grabbed roughly at Remus' cock, fisting the weeping phallus hard as the tight, sucking heat of the other man's body quickly sent him over the edge.

'Remus, come now! Fucking hell… _now_ …'

He heard Remus' loud shout of completion and felt the warmth of the other man's release, but then all awareness of anything other than his cock and Remus' arse disappeared as fireworks exploded behind his tightly closed eyelids and he lost himself inside his lover.

TBC...


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Seventeen

Sirius sank down onto the couch at James' place with a loud sigh, snagging the beer out of his friend's hand.

'Oi!'

'It's been a long day, James,' Sirius said with a slight grimace. 'I need it more than you do.'

James frowned as he got himself another beer. By the time he came back into the living room with a six-pack, Sirius had kicked off his shoes and finished what had been an almost full bottle of beer. James raised an eyebrow as he slumped back into an armchair, but said nothing as he handed his friend another bottle.

James and Lily had invited Sirius and Remus, as well as Peter and Mary around for a post-showing dinner at their flat the evening after Remus' successful exhibit. Sirius looked exhausted, but when James had asked about it earlier, the other man had made a joke about being up all night shagging and ' _do you want the details because I'm more than happy to give them_?'.

Remus hadn't come inside yet and James wondered if they'd been rowing. He'd been dead against the two men moving in together after such a short time, but he hoped their living situation wasn't the reason for the moodiness - Sirius had been miserable during their last separation and he didn't want to see him like that again.

Despite Lily's constant declarations that he was ' _hopelessly oblivious_ ', James had noticed his friend's sombre face last night at the showing, but had chosen not to ask him about it in public, figuring that if Sirius wanted to talk to him about it, he'd do it when he was ready. But Sirius hadn't, and James couldn't resist digging a bit to see what he uncovered.

'Where's Remus?' he asked, trying to seem unconcerned as he handed Peter another beer. 'Honeymoon over already and he's found better prospects?'

He watched Sirius' face carefully and it was clear that he'd struck a nerve of some kind, Sirius wincing before biting back.

'Fuck off, James,' Sirius retorted. 'He's outside with Mary and your fiancée actually - probably showing them what a real man can do with his prick…'

James glared, bringing his bottle of beer to his mouth as Peter chimed in.

'Remus wouldn't cheat - _he's_ committed…'

The pointed barb drew blood and this time, Sirius was unprepared to let it go, rising to his feet abruptly, fists clenching.

'You know, I've just about had enough of your fucking innuendoes…' He looked over at James and included him in his tirade. '…and _your_ fucking smart-arse remarks. I screwed up - I _know_ I did, Peter, but Remus forgave me. Why can't you accept his decision? And _you_ …'

He rounded on James. '…you are supposed to be my best friend. How about a little fucking support? I didn't say a bloody word when you were pussy whipped into an engagement so I'd appreciate the same fucking respect.'

Both men stared at him in shock and he threw up his hands in frustration. 'God, I love Remus, alright?' he ground out. ' _I. Love. Him._ The same as you love Lily, or you, Peter, love Mary.'

He saw the fleeting doubt that crossed both men's faces and narrowed his eyes.

'You don't believe me?' he snapped. 'Is that because you don't think I'm capable of love or being loved? Or is this a gay thing? You think our feelings can't possibly be the same as yours are for your girlfriends because we both have dicks?'

James blurted out, 'Now hang on, Sirius…' as Peter shot to his feet.

'I'm not homophobic,' he growled. 'Remus and I have been friends for years and I don't give a fuck if he screws men, women or bloody _dogs_ as long as he's treated properly. Don't you dare make this into a sexuality issue when my problem is the fact that you haven't exactly proven yourself worthy of someone like Remus.'

Sirius' jaw tightened. 'I know I almost blew it, Peter. I don't need reminding of how lucky I am that he took me back…'

'Oh, I think I'm pretty lucky as well.'

Sirius turned to see Remus in the doorway, staring in consternation at the three men. 'Are we _still_ arguing about this? I thought it would all end once we actually moved in together.'

He moved to Sirius' side, taking his lover's hand. 'Look, I know we went through a rough time for a while there, and I know this has happened quite quickly, but I love Sirius and he loves me. Not everyone finds what we've got in their lifetime and I think that when it happens, it's worth taking a chance on. Would either of you listen if we told you Mary or Lily weren't right for you?'

The two men mumbled something unintelligible under their breath, but their answers were clear.

Remus nodded. 'Right. Well, I don't want to hear another word about it then. Now, will someone give me a bloody beer? Those women could talk underwater.'

James chuckled and chucked Remus a bottle, the artist pulling a still-steamed Sirius over to the couch and forcing him down. Remus exhaled loudly and popped the beer, swallowing half of it in one long pull.

'That's better,' he sighed, sitting back and grinning at the other men. 'It's been a hell of a day.'

'Sirius said,' James told him, taking the change in topic and running with it. 'What have you two been up to?'

Sirius leaned back against the cushions, slinging an arm around Remus' shoulders as he answered for the artist. 'Remus had offers on all of his paintings last night,' he told them, pride evident in his voice. 'He's been meeting and greeting with buyers and agents and signing contracts.'

Peter smiled. 'Congratulations, Remus.' The smile turned into a smirk and he glanced at Sirius. 'Who was the lucky person who now has to look at your ugly mug hanging on their wall?'

'Those paintings weren't for sale,' Remus said quickly, reaching up to take Sirius' hand and squeezing it. 'Not for any money.'

Sirius smiled and leaned in to kiss Remus' neck. James groaned and stood up. 'I'm not sitting here watching you two snog. Anyone for the footy? The game should still be on…'

Peter answered in the affirmative and James flicked on the television. A mischievous Lily and Mary came in nattering about take away choices for the evening meal, deliberately waiting until Peter and James were caught up in a particularly tense moment then asking their opinion. Remus snickered and turned to Sirius, who was staring unseeingly at the flickering television.

'Sirius? You okay?'

Sirius blinked and turned to Remus. 'Yeah. Fine. Just tired, I guess. You wore me out last night.'

Remus smirked. 'So I'm not getting lucky tonight?'

Sirius chuckled and tightened his grip around Remus' shoulders, pulling him closer. 'I didn't say that,' he murmured into Remus' ear, skimming his tongue over the shell.

They were distracted momentarily by Peter and James screaming obscenities at the TV as their team had yet another goal scored against them, then Remus curled his legs under him, resting his head on Sirius' shoulder.

'Do you trust me?' he said softly, lips brushing Sirius' jaw and the other man's head snapped around.

'Of course I do!' Remus' quick glance at the others - who were still distracted - made Sirius lower his voice. 'Why are you asking?'

Remus' forehead creased. 'Because something is bothering you, but you keep brushing me off when I ask what's going on. I can only assume either I've done something and you're shitty with me, or that you simply don't trust me enough to tell me what's happening with you.'

'It's not…' Sirius looked over at the others again, seeing Lily and Mary's curious gazes on him and Remus, and he shook his head. 'Not here, love. The wenches have big ears.'

He stood up, catching Remus' hand and pulling him up as well. 'What did you decide on for dinner?' he asked Lily who, flustered at being caught eavesdropping, reached for a pamphlet.

'Er, Chinese,' she said, handing the green folded paper to him. 'It's just two blocks away…'

'Remus and I will go get it,' Sirius interrupted, shoving the brochure into the pocket of his jeans. 'We'll see you in a bit. Alright, Rem?'

He looked at a surprised Remus, who quickly nodded. 'Sure. Fine.'

They had walked half a block before Sirius spoke. 'I'm sorry I've been a knob. I tried not to let it show but obviously I failed miserably.'

'Yes,' Remus agreed.

Sirius smiled at him and, after a quick look around, took his hand. Remus smiled nervously as he twined their fingers, checking to see if the street was deserted. Sirius let out a breath of frustration.

'I _hate_ this,' he grumbled, defiantly pulling Remus to him and kissing him quick, their lips parting with a smacking sound. 'I hate that we can't even fucking hold hands without checking that no one's about to scone us for it.'

Remus frowned. 'Is that what's bothering you? Sirius, you're the one who said we should play it cool at the gallery…'

'I know! I'm not… that isn't it… It's just so fucking unfair, that's all.'

Remus didn't seem to know what to say to that so he remained silent, fingers squeezing Sirius' in support.

They reached the shop and placed an order, settling on a low brick wall outside the shop to wait.

Sirius pulled at the green shoots that had sprouted through the grout then said, 'I was worried you'd dump me.'

He looked up to see Remus' startled face and elaborated. 'When I saw those paintings and heard what everyone was saying about you - how wonderful you were, how talented... all true, by the way - I guess I… freaked out. I don't have that kind of passion for something that you do, that kind of ambition to get to the top of my field like you do. I thought… I couldn't stand to see you disappointed in me, Remus, and I thought that one day, you'd see me as a lazy bum and throw me over for someone with the same kind of determination to succeed as you have.'

Sirius swallowed hard, having made his confession, then, when the silence became deafening, he glanced up at Remus. The other man was staring at him as if he had suddenly grown a third limb.

'Are you fucking kidding me?'

Sirius winced, instinctively recoiling from the undisguised anger in Remus' voice. 'Remus, I'm sorry…'

'Have we met?' Remus interrupted furiously. 'Do you know _anything_ about me at all?'

'I know I'm being stupid…'

'You don't say!'

They sat in stony silence for a minute then Remus broke the quiet, speaking more calmly now even though anger still creased his brow. 'Are you dissatisfied with your life?' he asked. 'Is that what all this is about? You aren't happy with things the way they are…'

'Maybe,' Sirius said softly, then, after a look at Remus' face, quickly added, 'No, Rem. Not you. Not us. I'm _more_ than happy with us. I've never been happier than I am when I'm with you.'

'But I'm not enough?' Remus said quietly and Sirius frowned.

'No. Yes. I… I'm worried that _I'm_ not going to be enough. That one day - perhaps not today or tomorrow. but one day - you'll realise that you need someone with more ambition and you'll…' He voice faltered. '…you'll leave me.'

The anger drained out of Remus' face and he slid off the wall, moving so he was standing between Sirius' legs and looped his arms around the other man's waist. 'Sirius, I love you. _You_ \- not a person I hope you'll turn into, but for who you really are right now.'

'But what happens when you get all famous…?'

'What happens if I don't?' Remus retorted. 'What if you get sick of me spending all my spare time painting? What about when I don't bring in a penny one week because I've spent every waking hour getting ready for an unpaid art exhibit? Sirius, I don't know what's going to happen in any more than you do. But I'm not going to ruin our present by trying to predict our future.'

Sirius smiled and reached out, gently brushing light brown strands of hair away from Remus' face. 'I love you, you know.'

Remus grinned. 'I know. You've said that a lot today.'

'I just want to make sure you know it.'

Remus' smile faded a little. 'Sirius, it's easy to say it. I don't need to hear it all the time - I'd rather you showed me.'

Sirius raised his eyebrow. ' _Reeeaaalllyyy_? Well, if you want action…' He lowered his head, biting playfully at Remus' neck while the other man laughingly tried to push him off.

'Fucking faggots!'

The call from a passing car made them remember where they were and they sprang apart, Sirius staring after the disappearing car angrily.

'Arseholes,' Sirius muttered. 'If I had my bloody bike, I'd go after those bastards and…'

'Sirius… it wouldn't change anything,' Remus said wearily, running a hand through his hair. 'People like that are never going to change their minds about people like us. Don't get so worked up about it.'

'Someone should do something about them,' Sirius snapped. 'Why the hell shouldn't I be able to kiss you in public?'

Remus put his hands on his hips, staring at Sirius in frustration. 'Are you going to hunt down all the bigots and sit them down for a chat on how to be tolerant to blokes who take it up the arse? I know you're looking for something to do with your life, Sirius, but I think you'd be fighting a losing battle there.'

'Number thirty six?'

Remus turned around at the call from inside the shop and walked back to collect their order. The walk to James and Lily's was completely silent, each man lost in their own thoughts.

When they got back to the flat, the others fell upon the food and the tension between the two men went unnoticed. Conversation flowed between the other couples, Remus and Sirius adding little to the conversation until James mentioned a mutual friend of his and Sirius'.

'Hey, Sirius,' he said, wiping sweet and sour sauce from his chin. 'Did you know Frank Longbottom is gay?'

Sirius frowned and shook his head, rolling his beer bottle between his hands. 'No, I didn't.' He took another sip of the bitter beverage and grimaced before he added a little snidely, 'We don't wear signs or shirts announcing it, you know…'

'Sirius…' Remus admonished, but James' indignant voice rose over his.

'For Christ's sake, Sirius! I wasn't suggesting you should have known because you are that way inclined. I just wondered if he'd ever confided in you… he knew you were gay, after all. You came out to all of us at the same time. Jesus, what is it with you tonight?'

Sirius felt a flush of shame heat his cheeks and he stared down at the foamy liquid in his bottle. 'Sorry. I guess I'm just a bit…sensitive tonight.'

'Yeah, well,' James said with a frown. 'Stop taking it out on me. I'm on _your_ side, remember?'

Sirius' jaw clenched and he murmured an excuse, grabbing some plates and disappearing into the kitchen. He wasn't all that surprised when James followed.

'What's going on?' he demanded, leaning against the bench as Sirius dumped the plates in the sink. 'You're not usually this defensive.'

Sirius sighed then said softly, 'Someone called us faggots today.' He looked up at James. 'Remus and I. We were mucking about while we were waiting for the food and someone yelled out of their car as they passed. And we had to pretend not to be together at the gallery…'

'Even though blind Freddy could see you two _are_ together. They'd only have to look at the paintings…'

'Not all artists are involved with the people they paint, James,' Sirius said. 'Even when they paint them so intimately. But even if people realised we were together, it's different seeing it played out in front of them.' He looked at James with a raised eyebrow. 'Don't _you_ keep telling me that you don't care that I'm a poof as long as you don't have to see it?'

'That's different…'

'Why?' said Sirius sharply. 'Why is it different? I think snogging a chick is just as much of a turn on as playing tonsil hockey with a baboon, but I don't make vomiting noises every time you see fit to snog Lily stupid in front of me - unlike you whenever I attempt to kiss Remus.'

'Are you saying I'm like those bloody arseholes that screamed out of their car at you?' James said, an outraged expression on his face. He threw an enraged glare at Sirius and turned to storm out of the room.

'No!' Sirius grabbed James' arm to stop him. 'But perhaps my sexuality bothers you more than you are willing to admit.'

James opened and closed his mouth then clenched his jaw. He was quiet for a whole minute and Sirius wondered if he'd just irreparably shattered their friendship.

'You're right,' James said eventually, his voice soft. 'I _don't_ like seeing you and Remus… kiss. I'm not disgusted or anything, it's just different and it makes me a little…uncomfortable.' He looked at Sirius. 'But it also makes me uncomfortable watching Peter and Mary kiss. It's not so much _who_ you're kissing, Sirius, it's just the intimacy of it. I guess, when I look at you and Remus together, it's like I'm seeing something I shouldn't and I feel like an intruder. I've never felt that way with any of your blokes before. That's why I've been a bit more…vocal…about your relationship. I feel a bit…discarded.'

He sighed heavily and looked back down at the formica table. 'Makes me sound like a tossed over ex.'

Sirius smiled and patted James' arm. 'For the last fifteen years, you have been the most significant relationship in my life, James. I suppose it's normal you feel a bit cast aside now.'

James grimaced and Sirius grinned, hugging him. 'If you're really bothered, I'm sure I could talk Remus into a threesome…'

James laughed and pushed Sirius off him. 'Dickhead,' he muttered, grabbing the tea towel and flicking it at Sirius' legs. The other man yelped as it stung his buttock then tackled James, both men falling to the floor and wrestling for the tea towel.

Lily and Remus came to the door to see what the ruckus was and stared at the twisted pile of limbs.

'Are they always like this?' Remus asked and Lily sighed.

'You'll get used to it,' she told him, patting his shoulder and heading back to the dining area.

TBC...


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Eighteen

Remus opened his eyes, groaning when he caught sight of the time. It was seven o'clock and he'd only gone to bed a couple of hours ago. He and Sirius had come home early after dinner at James and Lily's and Sirius, still in an odd mood, had initiated a quick, rough shag against the tiled wall of their bathroom under the stinging spray of water.

Then he'd decided that it was too early to call it a night and dragged a protesting Remus out to the closest club. Remus mostly watched the energetic Sirius dance, the brunette obviously trying to work out his frustration and irritation on the dance floor. As he drank his bourbon and coke, Remus noticed Sirius leaving the dance floor and saw him huddled up with a few men in a corner, chatting enthusiastically. Sirius saw Remus watching and smiled, raising a hand in a wave, before he turned back to his companions.

Remus felt a sting of jealousy, but was confident enough to realise that Sirius wasn't going to cheat on him. Eventually, Sirius came back, happier than he'd been since before Remus' showing, and he grabbed Remus' hands, pulling him out onto the dance floor. They gyrated against each other, becoming hotter and hotter until Remus was the one doing the dragging, pulling Sirius into a bathroom stall where they fucked vigorously, spurred on by the thumping bass vibrating through the floor before coming home to collapse into bed.

'Rem? You awake?'

'Mmm,' Remus hummed croakily before reaching for the glass of water on his side table. His head hurt, not from overindulgence but from lack of sleep, and his throat was sore from breathing in cigarette smoke. 'Sort of.'

Remus heard Sirius huff in amusement, then an arm curled over his chest. He smiled and turned onto his side, sliding his own arm over Sirius as they lay face to face.

'Morning,' he said softly and Sirius grinned, shifting his hand from Remus' ribs to cup his cheek, sliding his thumb over a stubble-rough jaw.

'Morning, Sirius echoed, then leaned in for a kiss.

Remus tasted smoke and the staleness that came from a night's sleep on Sirius' tongue, but opened his mouth to deepen the lip lock. Sirius grunted approval, shifting closer so their torsos' pressed together with each breath. Legs twined as their lips moved slowly, sensuously together, content for now to do just this. Sirius pulled back, dragging his mouth over the rough skin of Remus' jaw before burying his face in the crook of Remus' neck and inhaling deeply.

They were quiet for several minutes and Remus began to drift back off to sleep when Sirius mumbled against his throat,'I'm sorry I've been such an arse these last few days.'

Remus, eyes still closed, nuzzled his face into the other man's black tresses. 'We're all entitled to bad moods,' he murmured, kissing the top of Sirius' head.

He felt Sirius shift and opened his eyes to see him staring down at him. 'Remember what we talked about yesterday?' Sirius asked, his tone a little hesitant. 'Me and my lack of direction?'

Remus frowned, but nodded. 'Yeah,' he said, circling his arms around Sirius' waist.

'Now, don't laugh,' Sirius warned and Remus' frown deepened.

'Why would I laugh?'

Sirius took a deep breath. 'I was talking to a couple of blokes last night that work for the 'Gay Rights Alliance'. One of them is a lawyer who takes on a lot of discrimination cases and it sounded really interesting…'

'You… want to study law? You want to be a lawyer?' Remus asked, eyes wide with surprise and Sirius bit his lip.

'Is that a stupid idea?'

'No,' Remus said immediately, his brain slowly catching up. 'No, I…' He thought for a moment then smiled. 'I think it's a great idea…'

'But?' Sirius said warily as Remus' sentence tapered off.

Remus grinned. 'You realise that you'd have to follow rules as a lawyer?' he teased and Sirius pinched his arm lightly.

'Prick,' he muttered in relief then he sighed heavily, laying down on Remus' chest and resting his head over the other man's heart. 'I just… I'm just sick of us being called names or having to hide because we happened to fall in love with another man. It might seem naïve, but… I just want to try and make life easier for us.'

Remus carded his fingers through Sirius' hair, gripping the black strands and tugging gently. Sirius, taking the hint, raised his head to look at Remus.

'You are such a passionate person, Sirius,' Remus said softly. 'I think you would be a _brilliant_ lawyer.'

Sirius beamed and kissed Remus hard. 'He wants me to come and see him,' he said when he pulled back, excitement obvious in his voice. 'He - Jonathon - said I could do some work in the organisation while I'm studying then intern for him…'

Remus raised an eyebrow. 'Do I have anything to worry about?' he asked, only half-joking as he watched Sirius' animated face and dancing eyes. 'You and… Jonathon will be bending over piles of paper in your fancy suits and I'll be playing with my paints…'

Sirius chuckled, shifting until he was straddling Remus' hips. He pressed his arse down on Remus' groin, making the other man grunt softly.

'The only man I'll be bending over for is _you_ ,' he murmured, dipping down to kiss Remus again, slow and deep, taking their time as their hands explored the expanse of exposed flesh.

It was a languid, lazy exploration that left them feeling heavy with a combination of desire and love and, as Sirius reached for the bedside table drawer, Remus moaned, 'I can't move, love. My turn to bottom.'

Sirius grinned, tearing open a condom with his teeth before efficiently rolling it down Remus' shaft. 'I want you inside me,' he murmured, popping the lid on the lube then squeezing some onto his fingers. 'Let me do all the work.'

Remus grinned, skimming his fingers along Sirius' thighs as the other man rose to his knees and snuck a hand between his legs. Remus' breath hitched as he watched Sirius bite down on his lip as he prepared himself, and he flexed his hips unconsciously.

Sirius chuckled. 'Not as lethargic as you thought?' he teased then fell back off Remus' lap to lie on his back, legs akimbo, fingers still inside his arse. Remus sat up, reaching for him, but Sirius shook his head.

'No, just watch,' he ordered and Remus let out a shaky breath, eyes fixed on Sirius' probing fingers.

His toes curled and fists clenched in the bedding as Sirius moved his other hand to his cock, stroking in long, even strokes as he finger fucked himself.

One loud, gravely moan which sounded as if it had been torn forcibly from Sirius' chest put Remus over the edge and he shoved the bedding off of himself and demanded, 'Stop being such a prick tease and fucking get on with it!'

Sirius opened his eyes, grinning as he sat up and scrambled into Remus' lap, pulling the other man into a desperate kiss as he aligned their bodies. Sirius took him in one long stroke, pausing only when Remus was balls deep inside him.

Their movements were sinuous, rhythmic and their passion slowly building into a boiling frenzy, uncontrollable and unstoppable. Remus cried out, the sight of Sirius riding him hard, fisting himself with his head thrown back in abandon, proving too much for him and he came gripping the other man's hips bruisingly. Sirius groaned, the noise accompanied by ribbons of viscous fluid which splattered across Remus' chest, and a clenching of his arse which made Remus shout out as his overstimulated flesh was squeezed.

'Fuck, I love you,' Remus gasped as Sirius fell down next to him, sweat-and-come-slicked skin sticking together.

Sirius laughed and turned his head to look at Remus. 'Love you too,' he mumbled, rolling over to kiss Remus sloppily on the cheek then he laughed. 'You are a mess.'

He trailed his hand through the cooling come on Remus' torso then raised his hand to the other man's mouth. Remus licked at the finger then drew it inside his mouth, watching Sirius' eyes darken once more as his tongue swirled around the digit.

'Christ,' Sirius breathed then shut his eyes. 'Oh, the spirit is so very willing, but the flesh is weak. I'm sorry…'

'Don't be,' laughed Remus, releasing Sirius' finger. 'I'm all talk. I couldn't get it up now for all the money in the world.'

Sirius sighed then grimaced. 'I need a shower,' he murmured, kissing Remus on the forehead. 'Get a bit more sleep.'

'Mmm,' Remus mumbled, already closing his eyes in an attempt to do just that.

He heard Sirius' low laugh, then the hiss of the shower. Remus rolled over and was floating between wakefulness and sleep when a knocking jolted him from his respite.

'Fuck off,' he muttered, pulling a pillow over his head, but the knocking came again, louder this time and he threw the pillow across the room in frustration.

'Buggering hell,' he swore as he climbed out of bed. He snatched up a pair of boxers and struggled into them, calling, 'Alright! I'm coming!' as the knocking persisted.

He grabbed the nearest shirt off the dresser and yanked it over his head as he made his way to the door, swearing colourfully when he stubbed his toe on a hall table along the way. By the time he forcefully jerked the door open, he was irritated and in pain and ready to give whoever had the nerve to show their face on his door at this time of a morning a mouthful of abuse.

'Diane?'

The woman smiled then broke out into giggles, covering her mouth with her hand. 'Nice shirt,' she said through her fingers and Remus looked down, groaning when he saw he'd pulled on Sirius shirt with the declaration _'I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.'_

'Oh, for the love of…' Remus groaned, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. 'Come in, Diane. Sit down and I'll try and wake up a bit.'

He waved her inside and pointed her towards the teapot then made his way to the bathroom. He could see the outline of Sirius' body and grinned, flinging open the shower curtain and making Sirius cry out in surprise.

'Arse,' Sirius muttered, flicking water at Remus before reaching for the soap. 'You change your mind about round two?'

'Diane's here,' Remus said and Sirius raised an eyebrow as he soaped his crotch lewdly.  
'Well, I don't usually go for women, but if you insisted on trying it…'

Remus sniggered and slapped Sirius' wet backside. 'Hurry up in there and come say hello to our guest,' he said, shoving his hands under the spray then splashing a handful of water on his face.

Ten minutes later, feeling a lot more awake, he was sitting in front of Diane with a cup of tea, staring at her with an open mouth.

'Italy?'

'That's where the studio is, yes.'

Remus knew he must look like a fool with his mouth hanging open as he gaped at Diane, but he just couldn't comprehend what he was hearing.

'You're telling me that this bloke - who doesn't know me from a hole in the wall - saw my paintings and is offering me a chance to train at 'Europeo di Belle Arti Studio Formazione'? With a full scholarship? Diane, that's… impossible.'

Diane grinned and shook her head. 'Then you've just done the impossible, Remus. Benedict Tannino himself was at the gallery the other night and sent his representative back with an invitation to meet with him to discuss your acceptance…'

'I… I haven't accepted…' Remus stammered, his mind spinning.

Diane looked scandalised. 'No, but there's no question…' Her voice trailed off as she took a good look at his face. 'Remus. You can't say no. _No one_ says no to an opportunity like this.'

'Diane, I can't just up and leave the country,' Remus objected, still trying to wrap his mind around this. 'I've got commitments…'

'Your commissions?' she said disbelievingly. 'Remus, they'll find someone else…'

' _Sirius_ ,' he reminded her with a frown. 'I can't just expect him to pick up and move to Italy.'

'Italy?'

Remus turned around to see Sirius staring at him in shock from the doorway. 'You're going to Italy?'he said, hurt and confusion shining in his eyes.

'No,' Remus said just as Diane answered, 'Yes'.

Remus glared at the woman who ignored him. 'Remus has been offered the chance of a lifetime - to study at 'Europeo di Belle Arti Studio Formazione' in Italy,' she explained. 'It's a full scholarship, many of the great artists studied there and just the name…'

She turned back to Remus and implored, 'Remus, just the name on your resume will open doors that may have always remained closed to you otherwise. They only take the best…'

Diane looked as though she was about to stomp her foot when she saw the stubborn set to Remus' face. 'Oh, why are you being so obstinate? Do you know how many people would _kill_ for this opportunity…?'

'He accepts.'

Remus and Diane turned to stare at Sirius. 'What?' Remus said with a frown. 'I don't accept…'

'You'd be mad to turn this down, Remus,' Sirius said, shaking his head. 'Why on earth would you say no?'

Remus' jaw tightened and he stood up, the chair grating loudly across the wooden floor. 'Well, I thought that my future plans should include my live-in boyfriend, but obviously he isn't thinking along the same lines as I am.'

He turned to Di, eyes flashing as anger and hurt whirled like a hurricane inside of him. 'Fine. Tell them I accept. I'll be there in a day or two.'

'Remus…'

He ignored Sirius' call, grabbing his jacket from a hook beside the front door and storming off.

'Shit,' Sirius mumbled, sinking into a kitchen chair. 'That is _not_ what I meant…'

'I know,' Di said, finishing off her coffee then standing. 'I'm sorry about this, but it is such a wonderful opportunity for him…'

'And I don't want him to turn it down because of me,' Sirius said, running a hand through his hair restlessly. 'I want him to be the best he can be.'

'He doesn't want to leave you,' Di murmured and Sirius frowned.

'And I don't want him to,' he told her, a hollow ache building in his chest. 'But he'd resent me if he turned this down. Maybe not straight away, but later, he'd hate me for holding him back.'

He smiled grimly and nodded in determination. 'We'll work it out. Long distance relationships…'

His voice petered out; they both knew damn well long distance relationships usually failed. 'We'll work it out,' he repeated.

**Epilogue**

One Year Later

'Stupid fucking thing,' Sirius swore, slapping the computer monitor then giving it a shake. 'Where did you put my bloody paper?'

He poked at another button then groaned when the screen went blank. 'Oh, bloody wanking arsehole!' he growled.

'Swearing at it doesn't work, you know,' came an amused voice over his shoulder and he turned to scowl at James.

'Fuck off you,' he muttered then he slumped in his chair, running a hand through his disheveled hair. 'I think I just lost that paper that was due tomorrow. Aren't these stupid things supposed to make life easier?' He glared at the computer and stabbed fruitlessly at the keyboard once more.

James frowned and walked around behind Sirius' desk, fiddling with a few cords then he leaned over and pressed a button. The screen lit up again and Sirius grinned in relief when he saw his assignment there.

'Oh, thank Christ,' he muttered, quickly typing in the print command. 'I think I might actually have slit my wrists if I'd lost that. Two bloody weeks of constant work – no eating, no sleeping, no shagging…'

James snorted. 'Yeah, right,' he said, throwing himself into the spare office chair. 'Although the no-shagging part I believe – you are taking _far_ too long in the shower every morning.'

Sirius pulled the pages out of the printer and poked his tongue out at James. 'I'll be getting more than I know what to do with now I've finished this,' he retorted, carefully placing the pages in a manila folder and putting them in his briefcase. 'And once Remus and I are both in the same country, of course.'

James tilted his head, smiling a knowing smile. 'You miss him like mad, don't you?' he said and a small crease appeared between Sirius' eyes.

'Yeah,' he admitted, avoiding James' gaze. 'But I had to come back to London to sit those exams and Remus had to stay…' He sighed and looked up at James. 'I _really_ miss him.'

James smirked. 'I never thought I'd see the day,' he teased. 'Sirius Black is cock whipped.'

Sirius punched him in the arm, but laughed. After Diane dropped her bombshell nearly twelve months ago, he finally tracked Remus down at the bar where they'd had their first date. After several tense minutes of cold silence, Remus finally agreed to talk about the offer. Over the next three hours, Sirius had used every wile he had to talk the obstinate Remus into accepting the position and, with the help of Sirius' new employer, Jonathan, they worked out an arrangement that suited them both.

They had both moved to Italy a few weeks later, renting a tiny little flat after Remus gained permission to live off-campus. Remus had thrived in the country where art was revered and was rapidly garnering more and more attention as one of the 'to watch' artists. Sirius and Jonathan had worked hard on an application to prove Sirius could manage a long distance study load and had been allowed to enroll in several modules of a pre-law course, completing them via mail. Jonathan had wrangled a part-time position for him with one of the lawyers in the Gay Alliance's European offices which had given Sirius invaluable practical experience in a law office.

But a month ago, Sirius had to return to London to sit the exams that could not be done long distance. Remus was also completing his final works for his apprenticeship so they had spent the last month relying on letters and phone sex to get by – as well as those long and frequent showers in James and Lily's bathroom.

But the exams were finished, Sirius' last assignment was done and Remus was coming home.

Today.

'What time is it?' Sirius asked and James sighed.

'About fifteen minutes since you last asked,' he said wearily. 'Sirius, he won't even have left Florence yet.'

Sirius grunted an acknowledgement then exhaled long and loud. 'I might try and get some rest before he gets home,' he decided, thinking the time would go faster if he were unconscious. 'You'll wake me in plenty of time to get to the airport…?'

'Yes,' James assured him, standing up. 'I'd never hear the end of it otherwise.'

Sirius grinned, pushing himself to him feet and heading off to his temporary bedroom.

He was dreaming of Remus. Dreaming of his lips on his neck, teeth and tongue following the curve of his throat then trailing over his collarbone to nibble lightly at the hardening bud of his nipple. Fuck, it felt so damn real and Sirius moaned, arching up to be closer to the phantom Remus' exploring mouth. The chuckle that filled Sirius' ears sounded so tangible that he couldn't help but reach out to try and touch…

Sirius' eyes sprung open when his hands hit warm, solid flesh and Remus' beaming smile was the first thing he saw.

'Hey there, gorgeous,' Remus said softly and Sirius' mouth fell open in surprise.

'I'm dreaming,' he said, his voice hoarse from sleep, and Remus laughed softly. Sirius felt a hand cup his genitals firmly, thumb rubbing a concentric pattern on the head of his rapidly stiffening cock, and he gasped.

'Does that feel like a dream to you?' Remus murmured, leaning down to bite Sirius' earlobe as he gave his cock a long, slow pull.

Sirius groaned and reached out, tangling his hands in Remus' hair. 'I don't care if it is,' he muttered, tugging Remus' head up. 'I'll take you however I can get you.'

Remus made a noise of satisfaction then Sirius covered the other man's mouth with his own, the minty taste of toothpaste not quite smothering the taste of _Remus_ and Sirius finally felt at ease in his own skin, finally felt like he could stop looking because whatever it was that he was missing had been found.

'I missed you so fucking much,' Remus murmured, sliding his lips along Sirius' throat, sucking lightly on his adam's apple.

Sirius moaned softly, parting his legs to allow Remus to press closer, closer, closer. 'Missed you,' he mumbled against Remus' temple, his hands skimming down to the artist's arse and hauling him nearer. 'Missed you so bad.'

They didn't wait – they had already tolerated a month of foreplay. They moved together slowly, Remus buried inside Sirius, until one at a time, they broke, calling out each others' names as their climaxes washed over them.

Panting, they lay in the rumpled bed, limbs knotted together. Sirius couldn't stop touching Remus, still not quite believing that he was really here.

'Best wet dream ever,' he managed to whisper and Remus chuckled, turning his head to gaze into Sirius' eyes.

'I caught an earlier flight,' Remus murmured, running his hands over Sirius' back. 'I just wanted to be with you.'

Sirius smiled, wrapping Remus tight in his arms. 'You're home now,' he said softly, burying his face in the crook of Remus' neck. 'Back in good old London.'

'No,' said Remus, lifting his head. 'You… _you_ are home, Sirius. I don't care if we live in Florence or London… Wherever you are is home and that's where I want to be.'

He kissed Sirius, a long, bone-melting kiss, and when he pulled away, he gave a tiny, contented sigh. 'I'm home,' he whispered, closing his eyes and Sirius kissed his chin.

'Yeah,' he agreed, smiling happily. 'Yeah, you're home.'

fin.


End file.
